Re: Critique Thread

by **Old_Man_Tai** Sun Apr 10, 2011 4:02 am

[quote="Bluemouse":3e0gdhcm]Partly in the spirit of giving this thread some life and partly to satisfy my own urges to fix something, I was wondering if anyone had read anything of mine and had any helpful critical things for me?

At the bottom of each of my character profiles are links to all their threads. I think maybe my favorite would be Taylor's 'Down Time' somewhere around the middle, but certainly any thread would be a good example of how I do things. Anyhoo.

So far, I dont have any issues with you.

Except one.

Your better then me, damnit.

by Kitten Mon Apr 11, 2011 3:43 am

hi Blue

I havenÂ´t had the chance to play with you, but I have read some of your threads and they are awesome.

by Bluemouse Mon Apr 11, 2011 4:24 am

Oh, guys. That's all very flattering and all but YOU'RE NOT HELPING! If you don't tell me what I don't do well, how will I ever get better?

But Tai, you're crazy. The only thing I have over you is that I post sober. <img src=

" title="Razz" />
And Kitten, I'm touched that someone actually read one or more of my threads. Thanks <img src=

" title="Very Happy" />

But really, if anyone ever has something constructive and tactful to say (gently) about something I could do better, I'm all ears. And eyes.

by **Old_Man_Tai** Mon Apr 11, 2011 5:20 am

Aww you flatter me. But really, the only problem Ive noticed with you is that occasionally you had the whole BRICK OF WORDS thingy and I myself did, but youve seem to have overcome that problem.

by Cirno Fri Jun 17, 2011 12:00 pm

I'll give it one more whirl.

What do you guys think about my prime creation, Akuma?

http://afwrpg.informe.com/forum/friction-roster-f10/akuma-not-even-fit-to-share-the-battlefield-with-me-t4521.html

She has an attitude that matches Cao Pi + Sima Yi + Sima Shi.

by Bluemouse Fri Jun 17, 2011 4:46 pm

Read over it, and I think the things that I might say about that one are the same as with any other character of yours. There are no stylistic requirements for how people play their characters. To each his own, ya know. But in the interest of trying to be helpful and for you to get as much out of your rp-tacular experience as possible, I'll take a crack at it.

The focus of the profile is on Akuma's abilities. I would imagine that you decided you wanted to make a manipulative character and then worked backwards to fill in the rest. But there's very little there to indicate why she is that way, or anything about her that makes her human. To me, at least, it's way more interesting when characters are made out to be believable human beings first, and not just one aspect of a person stretched out over a whole character. That way the things that make them unique really make them seem unique, and not just intentional. Or something. Dunno if that makes sense.

I'll also include my cautionary note about making characters too 'uber'. They need to be accessible on some level, otherwise they're just scenery or walking natural disasters. Like, I dunno, Wolverine. For as super-duper as he's become in recent years he's still A. got a personality and history and motivations, and B. he's still vulnerable. When characters aren't vulnerable, there's no intrigue with them. Like MMA fights where I can be so sure one guy's going to win, but there's always doubt, the chance that something else can happen. It's something that makes MMA interesting to watch and the same applies to RP's, even if we're the ones determining outcomes.

My toughest character has been beat the frick up twice so far >_> I think maybe if you can't imagine your character having her ass handed to her by someone that you think (she thinks) is a lesser opponent, then something's missing.

Anyway, those are my thoughts, but again they're just my thoughts on how your character relates to my style and stuff. Good to see you postin'. <img src=

" title="Razz" />

Related note: I have no clue who those three people are, assuming they're people. Was Akuma [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cao_Pi#Domestic_matters:1itlx9uc]"generally viewed as a competent, but unspectacular, administrator of his empire"?[/url:1itlx9uc]

by beangraff Wed Aug 17, 2011 7:17 pm

I have too things I would love to have constructive advice about

The first is my first match, I was wondering if you have any advice about it, aside from the fact that I apparently made a few typos

http://afwrpg.informe.com/forum/the-ring-f28/hell-in-the-cell-drake-ishikawa-vs-john-mitchel-t4863.html

The second is my character. I don't wish to have a debate on the merits of Yaoi or what have you, or weather someone is uncomfortable with a bi male. What I do wish to know, however, is if my bio is complete and logical, if I should add information, if I have too much, etc.

The link is in my signature.

by anegge Wed Aug 17, 2011 11:55 pm

[quote="beangraff":zcmr0ghx]
I don't wish to have a debate on the merits of Yaoi or what have you, or weather someone is uncomfortable with a bi male.

You seem to be implying that that would be a thing that we would let happen on this board. It isn't.

Have you been posting on boards that suck? Show me on the doll where the bad board touched you.

by beangraff Thu Aug 18, 2011 1:44 am

Hahahaha no, no. I just suppose I'm naturally defensive. My character is a bi man, and I am a bi man IRL, and the current social climate in America isn't always...pleasant for LGBT people. I have two tea partier parents, for example. Which is part of the reason that motivated me to make my guy a soldier who was the victim of officially sanctioned bigotry.

But actually yeah, I did have one or two people say they didn't think a Yaoi character would be successful. Nothing that was hateful or anti gay, just for pragmatic reasons. Unless you know someone who has a bi or gay male character, it really has so far just been Tai and one or two other people.

Since you are such an established member of the boards, however, I would appreciate any helpful criticism on the level and techniques of RP I employed in the match I referred to.

by Bluemouse Thu Aug 18, 2011 1:53 am

I guess being that the vast majority of the people here are straight guys on a site called "Anime Female Wrestling", you can certainly expect less interest in a bi male character. It's not a bad thing, it just makes sense.

Beyond that, I think you'll find this place to be very tolerant of most anything you can think of, though it always makes people a little weird when you take something you think they might not be comfortable with and turn it into a soapbox, in the case of the military bg of the character. Martyrdom is a tough sell.

Anyway, congrats on posting to the criticism thread, and while I said I wouldn't be fielding yours on principle, so that I wouldn't further entrench myself in this thread, here I am. Woo.

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