A package for Seraphim

Phoebe's face turned with the slap, hanging there, staring away from Seraphim, her words barely registering.

The pain, Seraphim's words... it all seemed to knock something loose in Phoebe, a crack on her finely maintained emotional shell.

She would finally turn back, interrupting Seraphim just before she finished, grabbing her by the shoulders and slamming her roughly into the nearest wall. Her eyes wide... Phoebe looked like a completely different person... her eyes wild, unrestrained, her face formerly a serene pool, marred only by slight ripples of emotion, now seemed to be a raging river. Lips curled in a vicious snarl, she hissed, "What the hell do you know?!"

Speaking now, it became apparent what separated Phoebe from the tape and the Phoebe who Seraphim had met up until now: Emotion... unrestrained emotion. And Phoebe's voice was full of it now. "Just because YOU had a schoolyard scuffle that tumbled onto concrete, you are suddenly an expert on murder? Is that it?!" Her hands clenched tightly around Seraphim's shoulders, "You killed... as an accident. For me... it was an ADDICTION." The last word seemed to be spat out with almost inhuman intensity, "Not killing... MURDER! There are a dozen such tapes, all just like that one. And a dozen more incidents without a tape. I LOVED it..." Phoebe's breathing quickened, as did her speaking pace. Her eyes looked away from Seraphim's, as though she were envisioning her previous acts, "That... that look in their eyes. Their helplessness... the power... the confusion. That people would die... barely even knowing who I was or why!" She laughed darkly, "The rush... it was better than sex... Hell... once, I actually killed someone... a target... only after we consummated our relationship." Her eyes once again met Seraphim, a crazed mixture of emotion in them, "I don't have the dreams often... but when I do, I still see her... she had no idea. She helplessly mouthed 'Why...' over and over... It was horrible... it was beautiful..." Her hands shook weakly now... having gently found their way around Seraphim's neck... Phoebe only now noticed. Shocked, afraid, she pulled her hands back.

Still, she raised an accusatory finger at Seraphim, attempting to maintain a level of control in her voice, "What the hell... do you think I've been doing all these years? I can't cut that side of me away... I've been fighting it... With... with..." She trailed off. No... it was her fault that Seraphim had this tape... that all this was happening. Phoebe didn't want to think about her... not now. "The more I remember it... the more I let myself experience those memories... those feelings... THE MORE I WANT TO DO IT AGAIN."

She brought her hands up to her temples, turning away from Seraphim, only muttering, "I... I'm sorry..."

For the first time since she entered this league, Seraphim had fallen speechless. From when she was slammed into the wall, the screaming and verbal abuse, to even feeling Phoebe's hands around her neck, Seraphim found herself in a mixture of shock and an utter loss of hope, like her will to argue this any more had just been crushed. Seraphim never admitted it, because the other two never showed up on record, but she really had three lives ended by her hand. But in the end, that was still nothing compared to what Phoebe had to say. The woman truly had been something else in her life... some would call her heartless, or soulless, maybe even a monster, but Seraphim never said these words. In fact, she was too stunned to really say anything, that crimson eye just staring at Phoebe with a look of sorrow, unable to retaliate a single word back at her.

She had no idea, she really never knew she was making it worse for Phoebe like this and she had gone through so much. The girl took... pride in it too, it actually disturbed her a little. Despite everything she had been through, Seraphim Harmonia the Crimon-Eye had found herself feeling a sense of terror for the first time in awhile. The only other time had been when she lost control of herself against Megumi and nearly killed her, but even that was different, she was afraid of someone else; what she was capable of, who she really was, the risk she was putting herself in, all of it. Seraphim actually feared that she may end up dead around this girl.

"...No.... I am." Seraphim finally said, taking a slow, hesitant step to the side from the wall. She didn't look like she was in physical pain despite being slammed into the wall and nearly strangled, however, the emotional experiance she had just felt and witnessed was clearly upon Seraphim's face. She tried speaking, and although she managed to say her peace, explaining why she was the one apologizing, her hopeless and saddened tone weighed heavily on everything, clearly being all she felt right now.

"I'm sorry for wasting your time... and being foolish to think that... you were not this kind of person. I'm sorry for giving you false hopes.. about us."

The sudden rush of feelings, the memories, Seraphim's words... a grim eulogy for their relationship. It all left Phoebe sick to her stomach. She couldn't even bring herself to look Seraphim in the eyes... her own growing red and damp with tears... Phoebe hadn't lost control, hadn't had to face that side of her in years. To have it all come back so suddenly... and to ruin everything with Seraphim, the first person she had connected with in so long... Phoebe had never felt so helpless.

Facing away from Seraphim, she leaned against the wall for support, her other hand clutching her forehead. Her voice seemed steady as she spoke, but only barely disguised Phoebe's pain, "I... don't want to be that kind of person. I spent... the last several years fighting that part of me, tooth and nail... I... Maybe I kept those feelings at bay for too long... I forgot... what it felt like to fight these feelings... I forgot that I shouldn't get close to anyone..."

She took a deep breath, her mind wandering back to Seraphim's earlier words, "Our first fight... it wasn't pride that kept me going... it was just... the first fight I ever truly enjoyed... it was the first pure thing I've done as far as I can remember..."

Every fiber of her being told Seraphim to just walk away. The pain right now was too devastating, and she didnâ€t want to deal with it anymore. There was no point in making her already miserable life worse by trying to engage this any further. She should have known and just listened to Elena, in that this whole thing would only make things worse. But instead, she went too deep into the rabbit hole, and found it to be nothing but a pit of javelins and spikes that were impaling her to the heart.

But just as she turned around, her good hand covering her one crimson eye in fear that she may feel a tear soon, Phoebe spoke. Had It been just a few words, Seraphim wouldnâ€t have cared, but when she heard the pain in Phoebeâ€s words, and how much this effected her too, Seraphim stood by to listen, only sighing in the end in her own depression.

“What about now..?” Seraphim said slowly, wanting to test something with Phoebe as she had turned away, her back facing Phoebe while she stood up, looking like she was going to leave, but only remaining to get her question answered. “..What are you feeling right now?”

Phoebe took several deep breaths, forcing herself to fight for control over her wild emotions. She didn't know what to make of Seraphim's question. How much deeper into this was she going to plumb only to leave with terse dismissals. "Afraid..." She couldn't even think to conceal the truth. "I feel like alcoholic dropped in a bar... I... never realized how those urges could sneak up on me again. I swore I would never go down that road again..." The tears had stopped, but the sign of their passing remained strong in her eyes as she turned to face Seraphim, still not looking her in the eye. Her voice a low whisper, she hissed, "Never... ever pull that slapping shit again. Don't tell someone that it'll hurt to hold it in if you don't like what you'll hear. Because... losing another friend to this..." She trailed off, turning away, "Just... just forget it. Go. It's my fault... I shouldn't have..."

Afraid..? That.. sounded like something she should have expected. Phoebe had every right to be after all, she had just been reunited with a part of her past she wanted to forget, and in front of someone she really cared about no less. She could sympathize, but Seraphim stayed silent when she heard what Phoebe had to say. Her hands stood rigid at her sides, occasionally shaking just a little, and she could feel her single eye flutter with a hint of water coming from it, the urge to cry just a little barely resistable right now. She could feel Phoebe's pain right now, it practically eminated from her and was impossible to avoid, putting a knife in Seraphim's stomach as she tried to say something back.

But instead, she was just told to leave, like it was pointless to even try, and everything should have been forgotten. For a moment, the spit second she heard that, Seraphim actually thought about it, tilting her head to the side as she sighed a little, only to sigh in the end before turning around. If Phoebe wanted her to leave, she would, Seraphim didn't know what else to say, and the truth told, she still had a lot of confusion on her mind about this she needed to sort out. Elena's words were still fresh in her mind. But before she did, she wanted Phoebe to know something, she didn't want the girl to lose hope completely yet.

"Alright.. I'm going. But I'll come back in a few days, once you're ready to talk." Her words came off direct and rather mature as her back was facing Phoebe, keeping a strong posture despite her trembling hands, and her hair shadowing her eyes as she was ready to go. "Just know I.. I still don't think any less of you, and even if you think that it's your fault, you are not the one to blame for this all." Sounding dismissive in the end, but making sure her important words got across to Phoebe, Seraphim was about to step away and leave. However, her slow pace as she took the first step left Phoebe with the chance to say anything else, or even do something to stop her from leaving.

Phoebe froze, turning to face Seraphim. That was not what she had expected to hear. The reassuring words from her friend were a salve on the old wounds reopening today. Still... "But... you already said that 'us'... was a false hope. That I was... not the kind of person you could be around."

She swallowed, "There's not much more to talk about, Seraphim. You know what I am. You know what I fight against. I... don't know what else to say... except for 'Farewell' when you leave."

Maybe there wasn't... what was said had been done, and there really was not much else they could talk about. It was either they could forget this all and leave, or there could have been an attempt to fix this before she left. Seraphim still didn't know what to do, she cared about Phoebe, and she wanted to be close with this woman, even ater knowing who she was, but after all was said and done, would it really be worth it...? Things were so complicated between the two of them, and achieving a happiness between the two would have been a terribly difficult thing to even try, blood and tears being a promise along their path to find true love between one another. Seraphim could have just simply stuck with Megumi, knowing it would be so much easier to pursue a relationship with her, but even so, she still couldn't hide her feelings for Phoebe, she didn't know how to just abanden the love she felt.

Then, Seraphim stopped, she had made a decision finally, but she needed to do something before hand. She needed... just one last time to know what it was like to be close to Phoebe, and to hold her in her arms. And so, turning around, Seraphim couldn'y hide it anymore, revealing as she turned that her single eye was shedding tears, and she practically threw herself into Phoebe's, hugging the girl tightly as she sobbed, unable to say a word as she wanted nothing else but to stay in her arms one final time, and feel her lips against her own again. As much as Seraphim tried to stay tough, she couldn't help the tears from flowing from her eye, and finally, even if Phoebe resisted, Seraphim kept her arms tight around the girl's waist and pressed up close to her, trying to steal one last, long, passionate kiss from her.

Phoebe eyes widened as she saw Seraphim bolt toward her. She almost jumped in shock as Seraphim took her in an embrace and kissed her. Phoebe's still slightly sore and damp eyes met Seraphim's with a look of shock... and then happiness. Her lips first frozen, then returning the kiss with just as much eagerness. Her arms had reached out to meet Seraphim's shoulders by instinct, but soon they gently wrapped around Seraphim's upper body, pulling her close, warmly... She didn't know what Seraphim wanted... if this was to be their last embrace. She just knew she didn't want it to end...

After several seconds of passion, she finally pulled away from the kiss, out of breath, "Oh... Oh Seraphim..." She cooed, a warm smile on her face for the first time in a long while, "Seraphim... you're sending me mixed signals. I... Don't... you want to leave? You know who I am..."

Just this moment, even if it was there last, Seraphim wanted it to go on forever. simply holding Phoebe was enough to make her happy, but kissing her again made it feel like all her troubles could long be forgotten. Every time she was with this woman, she knew there was more than just a spark of love, but a raging flame of passion. She made sure the kiss between them lasted until they were nearly breathless, and when Phoebe allowed that before parting, Seraphim couldn't hide her feelings, redness plastered upon her pale skin, a delicate sparkle in her single, crimson eye, and a single tear ready to fall as she held on to Phoebe like she kept her from falling.

"I don't.. really know. I understand who you are but I... I want to look past that. I want to see the Phoebe of the presant, not the past. The way I see it... that Phoebe I have never met, and never will." Seraphim didn't know what else to say, and soon enough, she buried her face in Phoebe's shoulder, trying to hold back a tear as best as she could. She was always so strong, she tried to never let anyone see her so.. vulnerable, but Phoebe... she was different. Seraphim felt like, for once, it was okay to drop that tough facade and she could just be a normal young woman for once.