Work In Progress

Taylor gazed absently at the floor and nodded. She listened, and what Alaina said made sense for the most part. It was supposed to be her job to tell Alaina these things, about competing and sports psychology and stuff, how to keep it together and train to the best of your ability, in order to be the best athlete possible.

And yet here they were. Alaina wasn't exactly steamrolling the competition, but it was Taylor who wasn't cutting it in her... personal life.

"Panic attack..." She echoed. "Well... Like, I wasn't panicking or anything. Well, I was when I couldn't breathe, because like, shit, but I wasn't just lying in bed freaking out or anything..." She paused and thought it over some more. "You really think that's what it was? Not like over training or anything? I... I've really been trying to tone it down, ya know, but it's just... it's hard. I don't WANT to tone it down, I want to fight Kelly and win and get the title back."

Alaina heard Taylor and expected this. Taylor didn't know how to quit. Alaina looked over at Taylor, knowing the message she wanted to send but not the right words for it.

"Taylor, I am sure of it. Those things happen when you just have stress and anxiety built up and I know that you put pressure on yourself." Alaina said before taking a deep breath. Right now Taylor being happy with her was secondary. She had to hear what Alaina had to say. "Listen.... I know I am new to wrestling and haven't accomplished what you have, but I'm also a bit older and have been through a few things even if it hasn't been inside the ring. Everything going on is up here..." Alaina said pointing at her head. "You aren't a headcase Taylor, you just need to learn how to turn it off. If you don't, everything is going to build up and eat you alive. I just want to see you take care of yourself..."

Taylor nodded and stared off into space some more. Her head tilted to the side like her neck lacked the strength to hold it up and she bore a strained look on her face. She was weary of being trapped in her own head. She longed to get out.

"Yeah, I know..." She said. "I know. All of that is true, but... Well, look, the only reason I am where I am is because of the people behind me. Johnny, Akashi, Cassie, Junko, ya know. I'm a natural born killer. But... when I'm not under the lights, I need help every step of the way."

She was shaking her head. The feeling was still unresolved. She couldn't let it go yet. "But, Alaina, what the hell do I do! I don't know how to just be something different! Drinking only made it worse, so fuck that, and... I just don't know what to do."

Alaina reached out and put her hand on Taylor's shoulder. "Taylor, listen to me. You know you have people behind you and there is never anything wrong with turning to family or friends. Anyone who says otherwise is a dumbass." Alaina said with a grin. "I know it sounds like I lost my mind, but when work used to get to me, I felt better when I stepped away for a bit to separate myself from work."

Alaina now had to deliver the news good or bad to Taylor. "Only you know what will and won't work. Sure, you may now know what it is now but just try new things maybe stuff you'd have never thought of before. You'll be back before you know it better than ever!" Alaina said, adding with a chuckle and a wink "If ya ever need to get extra practice in after taking a break you know you can count on me."

"Yeah," Taylor nodded again, as some life returned to her body. "I know. I just need to do it. Maybe since Kelly's in no hurry to get in the ring with me, I don't need to kill myself all the time, and... Shit, it's easier said than done."

She ate some more sweet potato, and as the familiar orange mush hit her tongue she thought that maybe she should've been a little more indulgent with her food choices, the way she wanted to be. "Thanks, Alaina. Don't worry about me, I'll figure it out... There's other stuff I can be doing for now."

She'd have more time to work on her drawing and the t-shirt stuff, and all the other things that had taken a backseat lately. Maybe, just maybe, she could go have some fun.

"Well, I've got some ideas..." She flashed a grin at Alaina, and then her phone buzzed. She picked it up and saw a text message from Cassie, and instantly all the good cheer in her was gone. She stared at the message, and read it several times before putting the phone back in her pocket and putting on a new smile for Alaina.

"I'm gonna get a shower and catch my train."