Work In Progress

Taylor sat down and opened a beer and looked out over the small, but green, yard. It was nice having something green just for them.

"Yeah." She wasn't really sure what to say about the loss. "I guess... I dunno. I've thought about it a lot, about if you do your best, if you're perfect, can you still lose? And I think it depends on what you're perfect at."

She took a moment, and a long drink.

"You can't be everything at once. I might be a perfect fighter, determined, a top athlete, and really good at fighting, but that's not what wins matches. Kelly will always be more of a winner than me, because that's what she does. That's not what I do. She wins, I fight, and here we are. And it fuckin' sucks, because what I do is so hard."

She shook her head, somewhat in disgust, and took another long drink.

"Fuck that!" Morrigan said and looked at Taylor with a scowl. "Kelly's a piece of shite. I've been a dirtier bitch than she's ever been. I probably still am. I could go up to her, weasel my way into her little group and fuck her over just like she fucked you and I wouldn't think twice about it. I'd be pretty happy I did it and then some bitch would come wreck me the same way, just like I wrecked her."

Morrigan poked Taylor in the leg. "How long you think that she can keep Lilith under control?" Morrigan asked seriously. "I loved that cunt with all my heart and even I couldn't keep a leash on her." Morrigan shook her head.

"You're an idiot." Morrigan said. "If winning is all you care about, then go be a nasty cunt to Kelly and take your gold back. And everyone will fuckin hate you and when you got your back turned I'll jab a knife in it out of fucking principal. Think about that if you're ever curious about why I never did. Think about what I've done for you and what I haven't done and then think about Kelly and know that if I had the chance to play that video of me and Lilith fucking her again, I wouldn't hesitate."

Morrigan huffed and drank from her beer. "People don't like you just because you win and people sure as fuck don't like Kelly now that she has. Now... you gonna kill my buzz before I even get it or are we gonna get crackin on this shit?" Morrigan smiled. "Then again, you didn't really grab enough brews for an Irish cunt like me to even get buzzed.

"You're so fucking stupid," Taylor grumbled, with no real malice in her tone, and took a drink. "I'm saying that I don't just care about winning, dumbass. Kelly does, that's why she wins. I really want to win, but there are things I won't do, and you know that. And who the fuck said anything about people liking me?"

She sighed, and opened a second beer in preparation. "Drink up. At least this is one rule I can break without feeling too bad, even if Junko doesn't like me drinking." She finished her first one and picked up the second, and tossed the empty back at the bowl.

"After what happened... I just really felt like I needed to make sure everyone knew why I did what I did. I guess... asking for that match, and losing that badly is just too fuckin' embarrassing, and maybe if they understood it would ease some of my pain. But the fact is, it was always going to hurt. That's just the life I chose, ya know? For now, at least."

Morrigan sighed and took the deep drink of her beer. "Alright, alright." She said and threw one hand up in surrender. "But, they DO like you..." Morrigan said. "People like you a lot. I know since I'm the one that has to beat them off with a stick. And... well..."

Morrigan pulled out her phone and began scrolling through it. She stuck her tongue out and seemed like she was searching very diligently before she stopped. She then turned and held the phone out to Taylor.

"Here. This was a hashtag that was trending during your match. It's called AgainstAllOdds. I didn't show you before because, well... you're computer retarded and you've been sulky and I've been busy trying to handle that."

She began to slowly scroll through the feed that listed all of the fans reactions to the fight. "This was live, while you were fighting. People understood what you were trying to do, Taylor, and most of them thought that you could actually do it."

Taylor exhaled through her nose and shook her head. "Well, that doesn't really make me feel better," she scowled. "It wasn't about the odds. Against all odds just makes it sound like I never had a chance. I don't actually want people to think I'm the fuckin' underdog!"

She buried her forehead in her palm and rubbed off the sheen of sweat that came from the bright Summer sun while she grappled with the confusing and overwhelmingly negative feelings that still nagged at her after the match.

"Whatever. If the bunny-eared cunt didn't cheat, I would've won easy. There's a reason they call it an unfair advantage. What am I supposed to do? I'm a better fighter than any of them, but they're not trying to be good fighters. It really makes me wonder what I'm doing, like if this is a game for those types and I'm just trying to fit where I don't belong. I mean... look at the Dojo...

"I feel so fuckin' dumb about the Dojo. I should never have started it. I was stupid for thinking we could make it this legendary gym full of great wrestlers, tighter than family. All it's done is get good girls hurt for no good reason. 'Cause of me. And we haven't won a match in like... ever."

Morrigan stood up and winged her phone at the ground. She turned around and looked at Taylor. "Fuckin Christ!" She barked. "This is bullshit." She said. "What the fuck is your problem?!" She said. "Did you put a gun to any of those girls and tell em to wrestle or else? How many of them quit the damn thing once they saw Kelly beat you? Everyone gets hurt in wrestling. Every time someone steps into the ring it could be the last time they do. Because some bitch deiced to sneak up behind her and wreck her with a chair or because she slipped and fuckin fell wrong when no one was even touching her!"

Morrigan shook her head. "Do you know how many bitches never, ever get to where you are? Just because some dumb bitch like Kelly Conway learned how to game the system doesn't mean the system's broke and it doesn't mean you or your hard work or any of that other fucking shite is worthless and I can't believe I'M the one telling you this."

Morrigan clenched her fists. "If Kelly Conway could turn you into ... this..." She said and flailed her arms at Taylor. "Then, maybe whatever you believe is actually right and that's what's worse than anything that cunt could ever actually do to you. She didn't win because she beat you. She didn't win because she outsmarted you, she won because she's a tick who buried herself in your head and instead of burning her the fuck out, you've gone and made her a nice bed to sleep in. What? Do you tuck her in at night and give her a little kiss before you go off to sulk? Fuck that and fuck you, whoever you are. I'm gonna go find somewhere decent to get pissed."

Taylor lowered her eyes and cradled her beer between her hands on her lap. She didn't have much to say to that. It would be like arguing with herself, if she were talking to a less discouraged version of Taylor Parker.

"I think I did the best thing I could..." She said quietly. The anguish she had suffered both during and after the match gave her no shortage of doubts about that, though.

When Taylor was in the ring facing down her opponent, she fought strategically. She prepared her strategies in training, through hours and hours of study and consideration and preparation. Fighting each battle was not the problem. But winning wars was apparently not her strong suit...

She just sat and shook her head. "I don't know what else i could've done. I need to kick Kelly's ass, and it needs to be clean. If I let that go..."

Morrigan turned around and looked at Taylor. She frowned. She stepped back and reached out for Taylor's blonde locks snugly and pressed their foreheads together. She stared into Taylor's eyes.

"What you did, it was the right thing. It's all this other shit that's wrong. You go in there and beat her ass clean because that IS what you do. And if you need something dirty done, leave that to me. I'm always going to be there to make sure you can keep your hands clean."

Taylor thought about what Morrigan said all the way to the train station. She journaled about it on the train to Tokyo, or at least tried to. She spent the majority of the two hour trip gloomily staring out the window.

She opted to walk, rather than take a cab. The weather was nice... and even it it hadn't been, she still would've walked. She needed time to think, and time to be away from her thoughts. Somehow the walk accomplished both things. She would stare down at the sidewalk and her boots and try to make sense of everything, and then look up at the city and the sky and feel the sunlight on her face and forget all about it.

When she reached Akashi and Cassie's front door, she put on an easy going, lopsided grin. She shook the tension out of her arms and bounced on the balls of her feet, and then pounded on the door with her fist.

"OOIIII!"

Akashi's footsteps could be heard thundering through the house even from the outside. The big sumo flung open the door and crashed into Taylor, lifting her off the ground and crushing her in a patented Sumo hug.

"Imouto-chan! How are you?!"