Head Games

Kozue was curious what Femie meant by 'extracurricular activity, and she even opened her mouth to ask, but she shut it before a word could come out. Probably best not to know. "Yeah, you could get a nice, thick book out of King." She slurped up the last few drops of her tea. "Maybe a trilogy."

She stood up and made her way over to the tray for a refill. "Nice of you to say, but don't bother sugar coating it - my body's not really all that much to look at. I'm better now than I was when I started up, but I've still got a long way to go." She filled up her cup, got all the way to the brim and shuffled back.

"As for why I did Tension, though? Yeah." She settled back into the set and started up at the ceiling, like the answered were written on the titles. "I was always athletic. Not into any sports or anything, couldn't get along well with a team, but I got out a lot and I stayed active. Free-running, skateboarding, dance, stuff like that. When I came out here, I thought I could get some work as a translator or an English teacher, really milk the bilingual thing I had going on, but that was a bust. Lot of people around here are a little weary about hiring the weird American girl with the Japanese name and the strange accent."

She sighed, thinking about those first couple of months. Things got rough. Almost too rough. As much as the AFW could suck at times, she didn't want to ponder the alternative. "But!" She brightened up. "I saw some of the AFW, and it looked cool, and I always liked smacking around guys a bit for fun when I was a kid. So I did some try-outs, got a taste for it, worked on a gimmick, and..." Kozue held her arms out. "...here I am."

Femie couldn't help but chortle at Kozue's words. "Ohoho, Mon Dieu, I'm so sweet, that if I sugar coated anything, it might get diabetes!" She teased. "You look great, I am tres sérieuse."

Still, Kozue's words did give the Belgian something to work with. "You 'smacked around guys' before you came to Japan?" she asked, "and, if you did not come to Japan to wrestle, why did you come to Japan? You seemed to have not come with a specific purpose. So, were you coming to Japan or leaving America?"

Kozue stood up and did a quick turn around, showing off what little body she had. "Look, I don't think I'm ugly or anything, I'm not that down on myself. But I wouldn't exactly set the hentai division on fire." She plopped back down in the chair. "Not that I'd ever do a hentai match. In a million years, for a million dollars, never happening."

She crossed her legs and went right back to sipping. "Yeah, I got a little rep for beating up guys after primary school. It's not like I was kung-fu fighting in the cafeteria or shit like that, but I took way too much crap, and one day I just decided I'd push back when people pushed me. If you say shit to me, I get in your face and say shit back. Someone hits me, I hit them. Everytime. Gender regardless."

She looked back at Femie and craned her neck up, trying to sneak a quick peek at the notes."And yeah, leaving. My family sucks, pretty much done with the States."

Femie was quick to pull her notebook up and adjust her monocle as if she was rereading something as Kozue tried to sneak a peek. "Ahh, ma cherie, beauty has nothing to do with that sort of match, even though I still think you're selling yourself short. It is all about skill. There is just as much an art to causing pleasure as there is to causing pain. Perhaps it takes even greater skill, ohoho." Femie beamed. "People dismiss pleasure as if it is something that is not in every part of our lives." She said, waving her free hand as she set her notepad down.

"But, why else do we spend our time on this earth, fighting through pain and the grueling necessities of it all if not for joy, love and pleasure?" She paused. "But, I digress. On this topic, our opinions are quite split, so ... let's continue on with the serious stuff, oui?"

Femie didn't wait for a response. "Why were you taking this crap from these men?" She asked. "Do you feel aggression is a defense mechanism?" She asked. "Naturally one must defend themselves, but has it gone beyond that? Do you feel aggression permeates your life? I mean, the need to push back?"

Kozue had a quick frown as Femie moved on. Truth told, she'd never looked at it the way she described it before, never gave hentai wrestling much of a serious. It was always cheap porn in her eyes, just more sexploitation. Maybe her accent made everything she said sound more convincing, but whatever the case, Kozue could see some reason in the way she explain it. She still wouldn't actually do a hentai match, but they didn't sound so bad when you put it that way.

But if she wanted to move on, they'd move on.

"I dunno." She shrugged. "I just can't let shit go. Never could. Like, okay, remember the guy I mentioned, the guy who beat me up? That wasn't the first time. He messed me up pretty bad last year, too. And I ran in to him a couple of months ago, and he was being an asshole, and I just..." Kozue shot her hand into the air, as high as she could reach. "This fucker is about six feet tall, and he's jacked, and he's crazy like you read about. He's like King, only less rapey and a lot smarter. I got no business taking him head on until I get much, much better. I know that. In my head, I knew that. I knew he'd kick my ass, most likely, but I went after him, anyway. I just could not let him say the shit he said and walk away. And, five minutes later, I'm in an alley, bleeding, broken bones, because I am a dumbass. There you go."

She finised off the cup and went for another refill. This time, apple juice. She could go for some apple juice, right about now.

Femie leaned back in her chair, crossing her legs and bobbing her foot as Kozue spoke. "Hm." She said said once Kozue finished. "I understand, and I think this situation may be a little different than your run of the mill parle de merde. What things did he say to you? People have pride and when they are antagonized, they can only take so much. You understand this, oui?" She asked. "But maybe you also know that discretion is the better part of valor."

She paused for a moment. "Do you have masochistic tendencies, Kozue?" She asked. "I know this might seem like an awkward question, but s'il vous plais, understand that we're working through many issues and they may not seem connected right away, but, hopefully, you will understand the point of it all soon enough. Anyway, what turns you on?" She asked. "I mean, what kind of fantasies do you have?"

Kozue chuckled and shook her head. "Discretion's not my thing. Or valor, really. But yeah, what did he say, what did he say..." She scratched her chin for a moment, bringing it back to the forefront. As soon as she recalled the words, she sighed. "'Maybe one day you'll finally find something you're good at'. Exact words."

Before she had the chance to be depressed over that, Femie's question lit up her cheeks. "What, like, S&M? Whips and chain? That's not..." She sat up and looked over at the wall, keeping her face away from Femie to hide the blush, just for a moment. "I read Fifty Shades, thought it was hot, but that's about it. Prefer rough sex, but it's not like I need safewords or anything like that. As far as fantasies go..."

Kozue bit her lip, about to say something, then just buried her face in her hands. "It's stupid. I shouldn't even say it out loud, it's so fucking dumb."

Femie sighed. She She understood why people bullied other people, but she never liked it. "Kozue, of course that is a ridiculous sentiment. The man doesn't even know you, and yet, still managed to get under your skin?" She wondered how Kozue might interpret her question.

"But..." She was thankful for the reprise for the seriousness for the moment. "BDSM wasn't exctly what I was talking about. There are many different forms of masochism and often they are quite subtle." She paused. "But, I thought that book was a nice attempt, ohoho. It was more interesting to me as a psychological study than any sort of erotic fiction." She added.

Femie then stood up and closed her notebook. She slipped around to where Kozue was and sat next to her and smiled. "There is no such thing as a dumb fantasy." She said warmly. "If it brings you pleasure, then... it is worth exploring, oui?" She said and rested a gentle hand on Kozue's leg. "We're here to explore, and understand. This place is safe for you, Kozue. Even for things that may seem silly or trivial. Not everything I do is about plumbing the depths of psychological trauma, you know?"

"The fucker nearly slammed my head in a car door once and he broke a beer bottle over my head another time, forgot to mention that." She brought her hands down and had another long sip of the apple juice. Sweet nectar. "So that was a factor, too. Still pissed over that. But still..." She hunched over. "I mean, it's not like he has to know me to watch my matches, right? I do okay, but I'm still pretty low on the totem pole. I got friends, Alaina and Julia, I see them taking on the best and challenging for belts and just tearing it up. And I here I am, in Tension, just sort of floundering around."

She reflexively edged away from Femie when she came in for a sit, but the pat on her leg brought her back. Even though they'd just met, Kozue was feeling comfortable. Which was probably just Femie's skill coming out, but whatever. It worked.

She ran her hands over her face and moaned. "Okay, fine, fine, I'll tell you. But don't laugh. Or, like, don't meanly laugh. You can 'Ohoho' a bit, if you feel like it." Kozue sat up straight and took a deep breath. "Okay, so, sometimes I have one of those things, you know, where you're half-dreaming, half-awake. 'Lucid dreaming'. You know you're dreaming, but you don't fully know, but you do. It's weird. So, when I do, I have this fantasy where I'm in a match, right? For the title. Some dude has it. Sometimes it's against Johnny, sometimes it's Bryan Daniels, sometimes it's Domino, once it was Clyde. Doesn't matter, point is, I have a hell of a match against him, and we go hard, and the crowd is all cheering, and it's fucking awesome, and I win, and everyone goes nuts..."

She shot her hands up in the air, celebrating the imaginary victory, just like she always did in the dream.

"...and then I take the guy home and fuck him on the title belt. On top of it." She brought her arms down. "That's my fantasy. Fucking a dude on a title belt. Yeah."

"I see."

Femie's words were simple and she tilted her head in thought once Kozue finished. "I think that it is a perfectly fine fantasy to have, but I do wonder..." She said. "I think both incidents do have some similarities. I mean, your fantasy and your incidents with this other man."

"The sexual aspect is about control and dominance. It's about seizing something and it also has a lot of aggression in it. The prize isn't necessarily the belt or even the man, both are symbolic, at least in your dreams. It's the conquest, the feeling of achievement. All of the things you feel you are not getting when you are awake."

Femie let her hand run back and forth along Kozue's leg just a bit. "Does that make any sense?" She asked. "And, for the record, I think that fantasy is tres chaud." Femie fanned herself with her free hand. "I might make a few tiny adjustments, but it certainly beats anything that comes from Fifty Shades of Grey, Ohoho!"