That Little Voice in My Head

Mamouru sat at a cafe near the Friction building. Ironically enough, it had been the same cafe that Cassie had fired him as manager and here he was sitting there, waiting for her again. He had sent her a brief text earlier in the day, finding it a little weird to call her like that when it had been so long. The text he had sent had read:

Cassie-san, I'll be at Kurama's for lunch @ 2 today. I'd just like to speak with you, please. If you don't show, I'll understand- Mamouru

In the last few days since they met at Alaina's party, All Mamouru had been able to think about was what had happened. And by extension, Cassie. It had felt like an eternity since he thought about her. Alina had helped to smooth away those thoughts. However, now he couldn't get her out of his mind once more. He had managed to smooth things over with Alaina after everyone had left but some other things had come up. It seemed like the party had sparked some things between Alaina and Charlie and now Mamouru was stuck in an odd position. Alaina had all but challenged Cassie to a match without even considering Mamouru's feelings. Cassie had been gracious but Mamouru had never really given an answer. Now he had a lot to think about it and he really just wanted to talk about it with Cassie privately, without Alaina's distractions, without Taylor's distractions or Charlie's either.

The thought of them fighting didn't bother him so much in a vacuum. It wasn't like with Cassie and Aurora. If Mamouru thought that there was going to be a repeat of it, then he would say no or at least not show up to the match. He didn't think he COULD repeat it even if he WANTED to though. Cassie had grown numb to him, it seemed. She had moved on, it seemed. That fact alone made him sigh loudly. WAS he objectively trying to assess a situation or did he really want to see Cassie again, alone, under the pretense of work?

Mamouru sipped his tea. He didn't know for sure. He wouldn't know until he saw Cassie. He was just worried that he wouldn't know what to do if that really WAS the case.

It was exactly 2pm when Cassie walked into Kurama's. Before that, she had been at Friction. She had put in a workout, and then hung out with Akashi and some other girls. Mostly, she was just a wallflower while they talked.

Akashi was surprisingly not all that social... She would have thought that Akashi would always have people around her, but she somewhat kept to herself. The three of them, Akashi, Taylor, and Cassie, were all very outgoing and friendly people, and all three of them had come to be somewhat closed off, each in their own way. Taylor might've been the most outgoing now, when she used to be the least. Cassie used to be the most, and now, she might have been the least. She couldn't help it.

She had waited at Friction for an hour after she had planned to leave, just so that she could meet Mamouru at 2 o'clock without showing up early. She didn't want to seem like she wanted to see him. She didn't. She just needed to talk about Alaina and discuss the potential match with Mamouru. But then, she could've done that over the phone. Was she just eager for a match or did she really just want to see Mamouru under the pretense of work?

It didn't matter once she was there. She spotted Mamouru and sat down, gingerly, as if she was trying to touch the seat as little as possible. Her posture was upright and constricted, her eyes wide and uncertain.

"Hi, Mamouru," she said softly.

Mamouru kept his head low when he saw Cassie approach out of the corner of his eye. He made sure to keep his head low, even as she sat down, almost in penance. Mamouru felt a tingle run through his body as he heard her gentle voice. Once she greeted him, he lifted his head and smiled weakly at her.

"Cassie-san, hello. It's nice to see you again." He said genuinely. "I know you probably didn't want to come here so thank you for taking the time out of your day. I promise, I will not take up too much of your time."

Mamouru lowered his head, but only slightly this time. "I'd like to first apologize once more. The party, I didn't..." Well, which party? He left it ambiguous. "That is to say, please forgive me for everything I have done. I'm just looking to clear the air and move forward, if you'll allow me." Mamouru lifted his head and glanced hopefully at Cassie.

Cassie lowered her head as well. What could she possibly say?

"Yeah."

She squirmed for a moment, and hoped that the next part of the conversation came quickly.

Mamouru turned his head at Cassie's answer. it was abrupt but not entirely terse. He had better get to the point!

"A-Anyway, I... I wanted to talk to you about the match that Alaina-san had proposed. I've finally gotten some time to think about it but... I'm still not sure. I think I am in a more difficult spot trying to decide if it is a good idea than i would be if I were just watching it. I..." Mamouru bit his lip. "I think that you'll likely win. I couldn't say with relative ease, but I just don't think she's equipped to handle your skill set. As a manager, it's hard to balance the confidence of your client with the duty to always keep them improving." Cassie understood it well enough, if Mamouru had taught her anything, it was definitely that.

"But, Cassie-san....' Mamouru lowered his head, his tone slipping a bit. "Based purely on a manager's opinion, I think that it would be a good thing. There are... other... implications though. "How do I go about speaking truthfully to Alaina-san?" He asked. "I believe she is looking for a confidence boost and I would hate to have the match decided before it even began because she was lacking confidence going into it."

Mamouru ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "How foolish it is to ask you for advice in this matter, but I feel like your perspective is the best one for me to seek out." Once more Mamouru lifted his head and looked Cassie int he eyes, smiling softly, cautiously.

"Heh..." Cassie laughed bashfully. It was pretty weird for Mamouru to ask Cassie for advice on how to manage someone to fight her. But she didn't mind. Wrestling wasn't about being selfish, anyway.

"Well, um..." She tucked her hands under her thighs while she thought. "You could tell her that there's a chance she'll win, and that's true. But that if she believes in herself and tries her very best, then win or lose she can be proud of that match forever." She smiled, a small, contented smile. "I'm not sure that I'd win, anyway. She's really big. She probably hits really hard, and I'm sure she could toss me around. We both know how that goes for me... heh. But... She should know how much better I am than her with what I do. I... I don't think she knows enough to know how much better I am. Not many people here really do." She shrugged.

"I know, Cassie-san. Even if she doesn't, I do. That's the problem. She may be bigger and stronger than you but you're tough enough. It will take her a little while to break you down into a position to pin you. I don't think you'll let her catch you with a powerbomb like Megumi-chan did. That was nerves and nothing else."

Mamouru was speaking analytical, like he was picking apart a piece of tape. His face looked focus and his eyes held a keen understanding. In this moment, even though there were other implications surrounding it, he looked to be perfectly in his element. No matter what he said or did, he always felt at home when considering wrestling match ups and trying to analyze possible scenarios of a match.

"It will only take a moment for you to gain a victory over her. Really, unless she executes a flawless match, it is only a matter of time before you capture her."

Mamouru sighed softly. "That's a problem though, Cassie-san." Mamouru lowered his head. "The manager part of me says that the match up is a good idea. If she faces you, then she'll understand where the flaws in her game are. However, there is another part of me that doesn't want to see it at all. As her boyfriend, I don't want to witness it at all." Mamouru then looked away. "To be honest, I don't want to see you lose either. Even though... there might be a part of me that may also enjoy it." Mamouru stopped. "Losing, not... getting hurt or anything." He corrected.

"It's been... difficult ... for a long time, Cassie-san." He added quietly. "And, there's also another part of me yet that wants to just throw Alaina right to you just for bringing up the issue int he first place!" Mamouru gripped the table and his face was filled with a mix of hurtfulness, anger and restraint. "How could she even suggest the idea!"

"Before I met you, Alaina was the sort of girl who I would have no consideration for. The old me would have already ditched her with no thought about it. I've been trying to change and I appreciate everything she's done for me. She's been almost unconditional with her feelings towards me and it's refreshing but... In that blindness, she's also... been blind to my true nature, I think." Mamouru buried his hands in his hair. "Well, I don't desire to be like that and I've gone to great lengths to change it. At least with you... you understood me..."

Mamouru caught himself finally. He realized his words and dug his fingers into his hair tighter, gripping it until it began to slightly burn his scalp.

"Shimata..." Now he was just waiting for Cassie to slink off. He couldn't even bring himself to watch it happen.

Cassie smiled and nodded along while Mamouru thought out loud about the match up, at least until he got to the part about her losing. She scowled, initially, but she had to concede the point. After everything between them... Cassie had certainly manhandled Mamouru before. Fair was fair.

She was taken aback by the next part, though. She didn't know if she should be upset or hurt or if she should leave or laugh it off or give him a hug. Any one of them might have worked.

"Mamouru..." She said, and chose her words carefully. "Your mom thought we dated. I told her we didn't. Everyone told her we didn't. You know that even if we both had wanted to, that it couldn't have worked. Right? You know that."

Mamouru inhaled deeply when Cassie spoke. After he exhaled a sigh, he lifted up his head and smiled weakly at Cassie. "That is why when you kissed me, I pulled away even if it was the only thing I ever wanted. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do." He lowered his gaze just a bit. "I hoped that I had enough time to become a man worthy of you, Cassie-san. Obviously I didn't but even if we could never be together, I was just happy to be at your side and in your life."

Mamouru took a sip from his tea up and looked past Cassie at the bustling. "I would have been happy with that forever." He added, almost thoughtfully before pulling away from the table. "I've wasted enough of your time, Cassie-san. I'll tell Alaina that she can have the match up. I'll just let the chips fall where they may on this one. The match will be good for the both of you regardless of how it turns out and no one is out to hurt anyone this time around, it seems."

Mamouru bowed. "Thank you, Cassie-san. I appreciate you taking some time to advise me. I hope things work out with you and Fujiwara-san. I'm sure if you've taken a liking to him, he's a good man and that is what you deserve."

Mamouru wanted to stay and spend more time with Cassie but at the same time, he was finding it difficult. Old feelings were stirring and he had said his peace. Maybe things between Cassie and him wouldn't be so awkward anymore. It certainly seemed like the animosity was gone. That was good enough for now and he really didn't want to accidentally slip up and start to tear up in front of the woman that held his heart in her palm. The woman he could never have.

Cassie looked straight down and blushed. She held her breath while Mamouru spoke, and if he hadn't cut himself off when he did she might've fainted. They were all things that she dreamed of hearing a boy say, except they were coming from Mamouru, and that made it complicated, and it made her sad.

She nodded about Shinobu, with a forced smile. She did like him. He was very busy, and she was still awaiting time for their second date, but Shinobu was really great. She didn't like hearing Mamouru talk about him, though. He seemed like a secret she should've kept from Mamouru, and she felt like she had been caught in the act when he said his name. He was right, though, he was a good man, and Cassie needed one. Not someone who might someday get around to changing his life.

As Mamouru prepared to leave, Cassie spoke up. "Mamouru..." She said, and hesitated, searching for just the right words and making sure they were true before saying them out loud. "I don't hate you. Maybe I should, but I just can't."