Spray Paint

"Uhhh...." Johnny blinked when Cassie brought up her question. He couldn't deny her seriousness any longer. "I dunno man..." he said at first and scratched the back of his head. "Like, obviously my first instinct is to say yeah man, whatever I gotta do. Because, that's what you're supposed to do and I lover her and junk. But... what am I protecting her from? I mean, like... is it gonna KILL her if I don't protect her? Is she gonna be in pain? Crippled? Cause, like... there's protecting her man... and that's what you fuckin do... but... I dunno. How am I gonna know that protecting her isn't gonna just make her suffer in a different way? I ain't tryin to be selfish and junk, but Ain't her bein without me also hurtin her man?" Johnny looked at Cassie.

He shook his head and stood up. He leaned forward and grabbed her shoulders with his strong hands, as though she might float away if he didn't hold her down. he pushed his head forward and stared in her eyes with grim determination. "Sorry, Cassie." He said, not blinking. "I don't like your question very much. I'll make sure that I can protect Taylor and not have to leave her. If there isn't a way to do both, I'll find a way or make it myself. That's just how it will be." He said as he stared at her.

"I don't know what the hell this is about but I got everyone sayin shit. Taylor, Mamouru, Akashi. I mean, we're cool and all, you and me, but you're starting to bring people down with whatever shit you got goin on and... I'm sorry to say this, but it does not rock man."

Johnny let go of Cassie and sat back on the couch. He sighed deeply. "If you wanna talk about it, that's cool. But... if not... I dunno man." Johnny just didn't know.

Cassie's mouth hardened into a grim line. She spoke slowly and softly, but her voice was riddled with sarcasm. "Well, Johnny, I'm so sorry that I've become such a downer to everyone. Everyone was so entertained by me before, it must be really hard to lose that. I'm sorry that you had to listen to other people complain about me not being some little kawaii wind-up doll."

She gently removed his hands from her shoulders and turned away. She didn't really have anywhere to go. She didn't want to sit down, because she no longer wanted him to feel welcome. She didn't want to just leave the room. She walked several steps away and stood with her arms tightly folded under her chest. She drew deep breaths and tried to stay calm.

"I've always been there for all of you guys," she let the words out slowly, as if she might burst if she went too fast. "And now... All of you really suck at it."

Johnny furrowed his brow. Whatever Cassie's tone was, he didn't really care for it. "Man, fuck that noise." He said as he stood up once more. "You think I'm here because some people were bitchin? If it were just that, I'd tell em to go get lost. I ain't got time to listen to people bitch. I'll tell ya one thing though." he said as he looked at her. "You suck at lettin people be there for ya. That shit takes two people to make work. Everyone around is ready, willin an able to bend over backwards for ya. If you can't see that, then..." Johnny shook his head.

Johnny inhaled deeply. "Have you even once said to anyone what is actually botherin ya? That's what everyone's sayin. They don't know. They ain't got a clue. She just needs her space or, whatever. I think that's some bullshit, really. Everyone's waitin around for you to snap outta whatever you got goin on, man. Ok, so... maybe you ain't gonna snap out of it. Maybe you're waitin for someone to come along and tell you what to do about what's goin on. Maybe you really do just wanna be left alone or, whatever. I don't know. No one does."

"Do YOU even know?" Johnny said tilting his head. I don't know what could be so bad that you feel like ya gotta shut down, man." Johnny said as he looked at Cassie. "It's like... that shit's been goin around lately. Everyone holin up and junk. Fuck that. That's what ain't cool man."

Cassie face tightened with irritation. "Yes, I have." She said, like an irate teenager.

"I tried to talk to Akashi, and Taylor. They didn't listen! They just told me I didn't do anything wrong." She said, as if they were the most despicable words in the English language. "And I'm not stopping anyone from being anywhere for me." Which was false. "It's... it's just really complicated, okay? You wouldn't understand if I told you. Do you even know who Dark Angel is?" She asked incredulously. Of course he didn't.

She paused, and grimaced like the conversation had left a terrible taste in her mouth, and took a drink of her water. Who was Johnny talking about when he said that it's been going around lately? Taylor wasn't feeling bad, she was on top of the world right now. Johnny was never down like that. Akashi... didn't seem all that happy, but he really must have meant...

"Are you talking about Mamouru?" She asked. Her voice was quiet, but it sounded like a demand.

Johnny kept his brow furrowed. Cassie might be tough int he ring but he wasn't just going to coalesce to her petulance. "Maybe you didn't." He said. He had no clue about the situation. "But... if something is so complicated, make it simple." He said. "And no, I don't know who Dark Angel is." He added. "Do you?" Johnny raised his eyebrow and tilted his head. If she did know and wasn't saying, that definitely was a bigger deal than anything.

Johnny shrugged at her words. "I guess, man." he said. "Ever since you fired him, he hasn't been around too much. I mean. I don't expect him to be as tight with me as we used to be. I don't live in Tokyo anymore and I got a wife and shit but he's pretty much NOT talkin to me at all. But ... whatever man..." He said. "I'm more worried about my ma. Mamouru always keeps her company and shit. She's been worried about him. He doesn't call her anymore and when she calls him, the conversations are short. It's weird." Johnny furrowed his brow. "Why'd you fire him anyway, man? Was he a shitty manager?" He said. Johnny didn't really know. "Was he tryin to get in your pants and junk?" Johnny asked. "Cause, like, if it's THAT then, I can go talk to him and junk.

Johnny shook his head. "Man... I don't even know about all this shit."

"Oh." Well... good. Let him be all mopey. It's his own fault.

"No... nothing like that, but..." Caught up in the freedom of the moment, Cassie thought to tell Johnny about that. She didn't know how he'd react, though, and she was afraid that she'd end up embarrassed. But nothing else seemed as important in that moment, not even the suffering she had intentionally caused Talia. She pushed those thoughts out of her mind, took a breath, and went for it.

"I kissed him," she said, and the silent vacuum that followed in the conversation was torturous. "And he... rejected me." There was nothing else she could say about it. She looked helplessly at Johnny, as if maybe he could make sense of it, or make it better in some way.

Johnny blinked when Cassie spoke. "Huh?" He said. His hand came up and scratched his head. "Are you sure that you kissed Mamouru and not, like... a clone?" Johnny blinked again. "If there's one thing I know about my bro it's that he spends most of his waking life trying to get girls to kiss him."

Johnny suddenly felt the urge to do something. He cleared the distance between them and reached out his arm to gently wrap his fingers around her bicep. "Listen, squirt..." He said. "You're like, way cool and junk, ok? And, like, um... If I wasn't, and you know, you weren't, I think that... yeah." Johnny grinned and nodded his head.

Johnny then raised his finger. "But... dude, like... why would you kiss him?" Johnny said. "If you're not, like, gonna be the way you are for a dude... why would you pick ... Mamouru? I'm his brother and I think he's kinda scummy when it comes to girls man. If there's anyone in this world who's too good for him, it's you." Johnny was completely flummoxed by this whole situation.

Johnny had Cassie's full attention when he put his hand on her arm, and then... what was he saying? If he wasn't what? What was he saying?

WHAT WAS HE SAYING?!

Her face turned a spectacular shade of red, and she squirmed, paralyzed in the moment. She had no idea what to do with her hands, and she'd suddenly forgotten how to stand still.

Wait... if she wasn't what? What was he saying? Did he think... he did. He so thought it.

That was it. Cassie punctuated each word with a broad slap. "I'M. NOT. GAY. JOHNNY." She fumed. "WHY do you STILL think I'm like that? Do you seriously still not get that I like you, Johnny? I like you a lot, and I think you're really, really, really cute, and I don't know what to do around you. So if you weren't married to Taylor, maybe I'd have kissed you instead, but probably I'd just sit there and stutter, because that's all I'm good for. So THERE.

"I kissed Mamouru because I liked him, and it didn't even work. I know that he sleeps with everyone and he's stupid with girls, but I don't think he thought of me like just another girl but when I kissed him... he didn't think of me like just another one of the girls he chased. He didn't think about me at all. So... I don't think I should like him, because he's really not a good guy, but... Well, I don't think I do like him anymore. He's kinda scummy." She huffed. "I want a boyfriend, Johnny, and do you know how awful it makes me feel that after I've hurt two people really badly on purpose, I still am more worried about boys?"

Johnny grimaced when Cassie exploded and just tried to endure her for as long as possible. When she was finally finished, Johnny stared at her in disbelief. After a long moment, Johnny opened his mouth. Though his face didn't show it otherwise, his cheeks were quite red at her words. She liked HIM? That was pretty odd.

"Cassie... I'm sorry." He said lowering his head. The first time he saw her, she was a pretty convincing lesbian. Afterwards, he just thought people were teasing him. He then frowned. "Man... that's weird though. Mamouru rejected you? That don't make any sense, dude. He always talked about you. I mean, you were basically his world. and junk."

Johnny put a finger to his lips. "Ma was convinced that you two WERE dating. I kept telling her that it was impossible but she just wasn't having it. She was real happy too, man. Mamouru sorta... cut back on all that junk he does. She said you were the best thing that ever happened to him. I just thought it was cause you two were so good as wrestler and manager."

Johnny ran his fingers though his hair and shook his head. "Yeah, man... that don't make any sense at all but..." Johnny turned his head. He's the one that's been acting like he got dumped. This whole thing is pretty fucked up, dude." Johnny said and looked at Cassie.

Johnny then lifted his hand and placed it on Cassie's head. He then leaned forward so their foreheads were almost touching. "Listen, squirt." Johnny said. "If you hurt those people on purpose, then that's that, right? Do you wish you could go back in time? Do you wish you could take it back? You said on purpose. People do things that aren't cool. People do bad things and sometimes they do them cause they just feel like it. That don't make them bad people. It ain't like you're gonna go out and just start murderin dudes. I guess you just gotta decide if you're gonna feel bad for what happened forever or accept that things happened and you have these thoughts and feelins and move forward from there."

Johnny straighten up and let his hand fall off Cassie. "I mean... You ain't gotta pretend to be somethin' you're not, man. But... all of us do things we ain't exactly proud of.." Johnny said and turned his head. "And... that doesn't mean we wouldn't do them again if we had the chance to."

Johnny shrugged. "I ain't really good at this, shorty. I don't know why they sent me, dude."

Cassie stubbornly shook her head. It wasn't that she couldn't believe that Mamouru would have... said those things, she just didn't want to. Probably the worst of it was that she could believe it, and that only made it seem more unfair. It was that much more of a tease, because she knew it could never amount to anything.

She wondered, though, how long did she have to be miserable over what she did? Couldn't she just move on? The answer, of course, was no. She couldn't move on because she was still that way. She was still the sort of person who would hurt people like that and not feel bad about it, because she mostly felt guilty for not feeling guilty about what she did. It was that knowledge that kept her awake at night.

But Johnny was so sweet. He was smart, in his own simple way, and his sunny outlook was like fresh air. She wished she could have more of it. She just wanted someone to comfort her, without feeling the need to tell her that she didn't do anything wrong and that she'd get over it. Maybe Johnny had told her that, but she could forget it...

Without a word she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Johnny's waist, and pressed her cheek against his chest. She closed her eyes and hoped that he'd just let her hold onto him.