So Close, So Far

”Because I should have been there!”

The response came out before Tatiana could even think about it, a complete reflex on her part when Belle asked her question. But, as she paused and breathed and enjoyed Belle’s soothing touch, she realized - that was it. That was exactly it. 100%.

She’d been sitting there, trying to piece things together, to make sense of it all. Her first thought was that, maybe, Cicilia was behind all this, that she’d tried to get back at Belle for all the craziness they went through, but the more she thought about it, the less that came together. She didn’t know Cicilia, not really, but everything she’d heard painted the woman as...well, crazy, but not the sort to hire someone to do what she could’ve attempted to do herself. It didn’t seem like the Onis, either. So who? Why would anyone want to hurt Belle? She was sweet and kind and she didn’t go around just starting stuff for no reason. It just did not make sense.

But that mystery was put on the backburner as she settled on the facts, what did happen and what should have happened.

”I should have been there.” She closed her eyes, squeezing out more tears. ”If we didn’t have to hide all the time, I would’ve been there. I would’ve been at your side. We could have fought them off together and gotten help or...something. I don’t know. Something.” She bit her lip. ”But I wasn’t there. And now you’re here, and you’re hurt, and I have to sneak into a hospital like a thief just to see my girlfriend, and I just, I don’t know, I just-“

She let out a long, ragged sigh and opened her eyes long enough to look at Belle. She could only manage the sight for a moment before she had to bring her gaze down, staring at her knees.

”I can’t do this anymore.”

Tatiana's sudden outburst made her jolt back into her pillow slightly, jarred awake by her girlfriends outpour of emotion. It was a dam and burst and flooded the room. It was heavy, choking. She was at a loss for how to help or respond, even without the creeping numbness of medication to full her senses this was far beyond her range of things to deal with. In the past some kind assurances and a hug had been enough… would it be now?

There was finality in Tatiana's tone as if she had made up her mind about something. That sometime seemed to be them. She had been here before, writing on the walls. Was this the end, was the redhead breaking up with her while she was laying in a hospital bed? Belle grunted, trying to force herself to sit upright but only managing to scoot back slightly on her bed.

"Tatiana, wait, please." She sounded strained, staring over at her girlfriend with a desperate vulnerability she rarely displayed. She brought her hands together, taking hold of one of Tatiana's to give it a firm squeeze. "We can make this work, I swear… this… this is just a road bump, okay? I can be more careful, I should have been more careful. Stupid me, right? This isn't your fault. So please… don't… don't leave me. I promise you…" she brought Tatiana's hand to her face, giving her a light kiss on the back of her hand. "Everything will be fine, we'll be fine."

”Huh?”

Tatiana was so wrapped up in all of this that it took her a moment to process what Belle was saying, to understand where her girlfriend’s desperation was coming from. She didn’t want her to leave? Of course she wasn’t leaving, she’d just got here, and there was no force on this Earth that could pull her out of this room, now, so what was she talking about? Unless, she meant…

Oh. Wow.

”No, no.” Tatiana smacked her forehead and leaned forward, placing that same hand on Belle’s chest to ease her back down. She forced some calm back into her voice, wanting to make sure her next words were understood. ”Belle, I will never leave you. Never. Whatever happens, whatever goes on, that’s the bare minimum, okay? I’ll always be around, so you don’t have to worry about that. Ever.”

Tatiana sniffed and made her lips rise into a smile, if only for a moment. She leaned forward and gave her girlfriend a gentle peck on the lips, not daring to do much more. ”But this…” She shook her head and looked off to the side. ”This hiding. This sneaking. Pretending to be something we’re not. That, that, has to stop. It’s too much. We deserve better, you deserve better.”

Tatiana took a deep breath, in and out, then looked at her girlfriend straight on. ”We should tell them. Forget the consequences. It’s just not worth it.”

The heart monitor was adding a certain intensity to the exchange, the steady rapid beep sounding like a bomb ticking down to zero at a quickening pace. It was impossible to hold back her emotions while she was like this and in the moment she didn't care. This was possibly the end of the thing that made her happiest these days after all. When Tatiana placed a hand to her chest to ease her back, Belle couldn't find the strength to even resist it as if she were a child being put to bed.

"Oh… ah…" her pale blue eyes embarrassingly glanced to the side, a blush rising in her pale complexion proving that she still had some blood in there. "Sorry… I am just a bit out of it."

When Tatiana planted a gentle peck on her lips she eased back onto the bed, returning her gaze up to the redhead to listen quietly. To come out in the open about them now didn't seem like such a terrible thing anymore. For the longest time they had been scared about what Kaylee and Valerie would think and do it they found out… but would Kaylee care now? The animosity between at least one half of Novae had seemingly been cast aside when she had offered to manage Tatiana. There was still one thing though…

"What about your sister?" In truth she didn't care about Valerie, even a little. Their past interactions had soured her on the woman, but the nail in the coffin had just been the dynamic Tatiana and her sister had. She didn't know what it was like to have siblings, not real ones anyway, but Valerie's cold practicality and bossy manner grinded Belle's gears something fierce. But Valerie was important to Tatiana so she tried to keep her feelings in check on the matter save for the snippy comments that would sometimes slip out.

"If you want to go public…" Was now the time to be making big choices, when she was on a drip of painkillers? That thought never crossed her mind. She simply nodded. Perhaps it was bravado, but she was sure she could take on whatever came their way as a result, even while she was in the hospital. Their was the overwhelming want to protect Tatiana as well, but in her heart she knew better. Her girlfriend was a strong woman, someone who in truth didn't really need protecting. She just had to somehow convince the rest of her to dial back how defensive she could be.

"If that's what you want, let's do it." She tilted her head slightly, smiling up at Tatiana. She couldn't help but chuckle softly at a small realization. "Is it weird that getting beat up was one of the best things that has happened to me recently? Having you to take care of me sound pretty nice… you make a far cuter nurse than the ones I have seen so far... Also wait, what floor is my room on?" She blinked dumbly, looking back to the window.

Tatiana’s relief went hand and hand with Belle’s, calming down as her girlfriend did the same. It was a double-edged sword, seeing her like this. On one hand, she hated making her stress out, knew that she had more than enough of that in her life. She wanted their relationship to be something pure, a refuge in their hectic lives where they didn’t have to worry about anything, where they could just be happy. But, on the other hand, it was heartening to see her get worked up over the prospect of them splitting, the same way that Tatiana herself would’ve if the roles were reversed. They were still on the same page. They still had the connection.

”It’s okay, I speak without thinking, should’ve seen how that would come off.” She shared in the blush and leaned forward, propping her elbows on the bed. ”I’d be a terrible person to break up with you on your hospital bed, wouldn’t I?”

It was a funny thought, but there wasn’t too much here to laugh about. They were on the edge of making one of the most important decisions in their lives.

That was clear from the way Tatiana sighed at the mention of her sister’s name, knowing it would be complicated - way more than either of them liked. ”Valerie is…” She chewed her lip, trying to think of all the ways her sister could take the news, the best way to spin this. There had to be some combination of words, the right way to say things that would make her see.

She wasn’t going to hedge on this, not now, that was for sure. ”We’ll figure it out. After you get out and you’ve had some time to rest, we can get them together, and just…” She spread her arms out, letting it all go. ”Whatever my sisters thinks, she thinks. I need you in my life, I…”

She perked up at that last question, looking back to the opened window. There was a bit of a draft in here, wasn't. ”Oh, uh, you’re on the third, yeah. One second.” She popped up and shuffled across the room to close it up.

"Or a smart person. I can't exactly come after you from a hospital bed." Belle remarked dryly, becoming more and more like herself as the two conversed. She was joking, of course, she wasn't really the type of person to try to tear people down out of spite or vengeance but was more than aware those people existed.

"Time to let things settle is good before taking the big plunge I think… I'm not really good with all this clandestine stuff but my diplomacy isn't very top notch either, unless it's delivered by a fist." She let out a long sigh, staring up at the ceiling.

"Third?" Belle blinked, sitting herself up again while her girlfriend moved back to the window. "Tat!" She really wanted to scold the redhead but couldn't hold back the laugh. That was bonkers but she loved it. Especially just how casual she was about it… she loved to see that silent confidence in her girlfriend. "You can't just be scaling buildings to see me…" out of context that was an odd statement.

"What if you fell or something. You want to be in the bed next to me?" She furrowed her brow. "Okay maybe you would want to be, but I don't think that is the way to go about doing it." She plopped back down onto her bed, taking a moment to flex her fingers that were hooked up to sensors. What an odd sensation.

"...I'm glad you did though." Belle mumbled softly, wanting to make Tatiana aware she appreciated her having done that while at the same time not truly condoning the dangerous behavior.

Tatiana joined in Belle’s sigh as she moved to the window, staring up at the ceiling along with her, as if the answer to all their problems was written up there. ”Sometimes I wish it was as simple as just punching the problems away. Just have a wrestling match to fix everything.”

She started fidgeting with the window to get it closed and get the blinds down, when Belle’s little outburst startled her. She looked back with furrowed brows, not sure where it came from at first, but softened when the concern became clear. She’d spent so much of her life doing stuff like that, she almost forgot that her ‘normal’ was most people’s ‘crazy’.

”Ah, sorry.” She rubbed the back of her head and gave an apologetic bow, a little tick she’d picked up from her time in Japan. ”But it’s no big deal! I used to do height like that all the time with the trapeze. I mean, I had a safety net, so I mean, it’s not exactly the same thing, but I barely ever fell.” She tapped her chin. ”Live. I barely ever fell during the shows. In practice a lot, but that’s practice, it doesn’t count.”

Tatiana came back over and sat down beside Belle, still wearing her sheepish grin. ”When I heard what happened, I just...I had to come, you know? Nothing else mattered. I just, I had to be here. So…” She brushed a few errant hairs out of the way, searching for the right words.

Actually, no, that was wrong. She knew what the right words were. She just had to work herself up to saying them.

Tatiana took a long, deep breath, readying her mind before she went on. ”I’m glad I did, too. When I was climbing up there, I had some time to think. About us. About this. About how I never thought I’d be here with anyone, or care this much about someone who wasn’t, like, my family. I hate seeing you like this, I do, but…” She looked Belle over, head to toe, then reached out and ran her hand along the side of her girlfriend’s face, gently stroking her, like she was the most precious, fragile thing int he world. ”Seeing you like this, it makes me realize something.”

"Practice doesn't count huh?" Belle gave the returning Tatiana a quizzical look one that bore into the girl to see how much of that she actually believed. She wasn't going to push the issue any more than that… in truth she was impressed by Tatiana. Who else had a girlfriend that was willing to scale a building to see her? Still, she wasn't about to try to normalize her doing this for safety sake… even if it was cool as hell.

When the redhead sat down at her bedside, Belle reached out to take her hand again. She wanted the contact, even if it was just a small one. She was curious how what had happened was reported. It was likely other people might know more about her attack than she did… it happened so fast. It was almost embarrassing to think of how quickly the strangers had dispatched her. She chalked that up to luck, surprise, and weapons. Let them try it again and see how far they got.

She had considered asking about what was reported but thought better of it. Her eyes shifted up to Tatiana's as she spoke, color rising in her cheeks again. She fidgeted in her hospital bed in one of those sheepish girlie moments she sometimes had when Tatiana made her feel most special. The brunette smiled up at her girlfriend in awe of her in this moment. So mature sounding, so beautiful… there was even a faint halo of light radiating off her from the ceiling installed fluorescent lighting.

"What's that?" Belle was quiet and genuinely curious, unaware of what more Tatiana could have said that she hadn't already.

For a moment that felt much longer than the average moment, Tatiana simply stared and smiled at Belle, just thinking about the full weight of the words that were about to come through her lips.

She had only known Belle for a short time, really. Less than a year, not even a tenth of her life. Nothing compared to her family, her sister, the people she’d grown up with. Wrestling was supposed to be such a small part of their lives, just something to gain publicity and make money while they waited for the circus to get back on track.

And yet, in that short time, the woman sitting before her had became the single most important part of her life. There was no one she wanted to be with more. No one else she could imagine kissing, touching, holding. When they were apart, she wanted Belle to be there. When Belle was there, she never wanted her to leave.

Now, more than ever, Tatiana realized that a world without Belle wasn't a world she wanted any part in. They fit each other, they needed each, they wanted each other. So she had full confidence when she leaned close and brought her face close to her girlfriend’s, her red hairs swinging across her face. She looked at her, straight into those glowing blue eyes she’d come to adore, and whispered the words with an excited hush, as if she were sharing the greatest, most important secret of all time - even though it was something she was fairly sure they both knew.

”I love you.”

Belle waited patiently, staring up at Tatiana with a growing sense of curiosity. Was she pausing for dramatic effect or doing what she often did… which was start a line of thought and lose track of where it was supposed to end. It was fine though. Getting lost in her girlfriends eyes and admiring her smile was enough for her. It meant the world after what she had recently endured to have her here, especially after knowing the lengths in which she had gone to get into the room.

Three simple words. Things taken for granted. Belle loved lots of things. Jogging, dancing when nobody was looking, her retro style that so often got pushed to the side for fashion sake. She loved alcohol, extra darkened potato chips and pretzels, watching cheesy action flicks… she never really understood the value of "love". She had loved lots of people. Her uncle, old boyfriends, Kaylee… at least she thought she had.

Her lips quivered slightly, eyes blinking rapidly as tears started to pool. She had never really known how much she had wanted to hear those words from Tatiana. How much more they meant coming from her than anyone else… how all those other smaller things meant nothing in the grand scheme of things because she had this one thing. This beautiful, talented woman who thought the world of her despite all her class, of which there were many.

Belle choked up and despite her best efforts not to, began to cry. Her arms came up, trying to wrap themselves around Tatiana to hug her as hard and close as she could manage as she bawled her eyes out. "I love you too, so so much…" Belle buried her face in Tatiana's shoulder, sniffing loudly as she just held her girlfriend. "God… I'm a mess right now."