Going Home

"I didn't force you, mate." Jocelyn said as her eyes narrowed. Jocelyn decided to abandon touching Lan's chest as she felt the girl squeeze tightly. She turned her head and stiffened her body, sneering at nothing. "Maybe you're just a pussy?" The Chistralian barked.

"MAYBE." She said, turning and looking back at Lan. "YOU'RE the one who is to blame for your own shite! Don't fucking turn this around on me because you sat in an empty apartment. You could have fuckin left any time but you didn't, so piss off! You don't even know what the fuck I'm dealing with!" Jocelyn snarled.

She watched as Lan got up and tried to get to her feet and pushed to her elbows. "It's funny..." Jocelyn said. "You think you're standin up to me, but you're just a huge drongo who wanted to throw a tantrum before running away."

Jocelyn began to push up to her feet as well and shoved past Lan. "I need a fuckin beer."

<What w-were you going to do if I...said no?> Lan would ask, continuing the bilingual conversation in a direction which she was certain would pretty much prove her point. <You gave me n-no explanations, and n-no options...you walked in and—and d-demanded it of me.> She would clear her throat and then, once again, do an imitation of Jocelyn's heavily-accented English: "Oi, sheila...move in and don't fucking ask any fucking questions, or I'll fucking beat the shite out of you."

She took a deep breath and sighed as she got up to her feet, managing to separate herself from Jocelyn. This hadn't gone the way she had wanted it to go at all. Although she had known going in that it would be a rough conversation, she had hoped it would at least be...constructive. This wasn't. Jocelyn was offering nothing. <B-but maybe, on some level, I am responsible...because I, umm, thought that y-you might be a decent person. But you're not, n-not at all. You know that, and I know that n-now...I wish I would've known before.>

As Jocelyn pushed past her to go get a beer, Lan let herself be pushed, but would steady herself as she fell back. She knew that she shouldn't have done this with Mei-Li in the other room. It wasn't fair to her. It had been stupid of Lan.

Right now, Lan was angrier and more upset than she had probably ever been, and she wanted to at least manage to hurt Jocelyn's emotions before she left for good. <S-so I'm going to leave, then. You wasted all these months of my life...so I hope it made you happy to do so. I w-wish I knew why y-you asked me to move in here to begin with.> She shook her head. <W-well, I think—I think I'll be better off without you. I'll f-find a real job and make more money than you could ever imagine. The whole world would be b-better off without you, really...if you disappeared tomorrow I d-don't think even your parents would care.>

Lan was teary-eyed, just from the emotion of it all. She knew that what she was saying probably shouldn't be said—it was the sort of thing that the blonde Chinese girl would never say under any ordinary circumstances, and the vile feelings were tearing away at her—but at this point she just wanted to get a reaction out of Jocelyn. She wanted honesty from the Chinese-Australian girl, whether she was being honest of her own volition, or whether she was honestly expressing pain when Lan insulted her.

"Probably beat you up." Jocelyn snarled, looking at Yi Lan. "So what?" Jocelyn rolled her eyes at the rest of it until Lan's last words. Her head was turned but it stopped her. Her eyes widened and she turned and looked at Yi Lan.

Her lips tightened and her fists clenched. "You dirty cunt." She snarled. "I don't give a SHITE about money!" She said. "AND I DON'T GIVE A SHITE ABOUT MY PARENTS!" She screamed. It was not true. She loved her mother and as much as she hated her father, he still took care of her in his own way, even if it was probably because his mother made him.

"AND I DON'T GIVE A SHITE ABOUT YOU! ALL YOU EVER WERE TO ME WAS A CHEAP FUCK, GOT IT!?" Jocelyn panted and glared at Lan. "I'm a masochist, so I like looking at people that disgust me and fucking them. I just wanted you around so I wouldn't have to work for it." She jammed a thumb back towards where Mei-Li was. "I could just come home whenever the fuck I wanted to and just fuck you. You disgust me, Yi Lan. You're everything I've ever hated rolled up in one ugly cunt. Get the hell out, you groddy, pathetic little shite and don't ever look at me again."

Jocelyn was treading a very strange line between raw truth and outright, bald-faced lies. If Lan had not agreed to move in with her, she would have beaten Lan up, and yet she had just claimed that she hadn't forced Lan to move in with her. She didn't seem to know what she was doing at all. Lan felt bad saying such insensitive things, because obviously Jocelyn wasn't intelligent enough to understand what she was doing. She needed psychiatric help—extensive help—not more reasons to hurt other people. But what could Lan possibly do to help Jocelyn? The ashen-haired Chinese girl had waited for a glimmer of hope, one that she could use as a point of reference, to build on and to little by little push her countrywoman in the right direction.

But she had never had a chance. Jocelyn had never given her an opportunity of the sort that she had been hoping for. And, slowly, all of Lan's hope had drained away. Right now, she wanted some satisfaction. She wanted the satisfaction of knowing that Jocelyn was in pain. And it was obvious as soon as Jocelyn started screaming at her that she was. Tears started streaming down Lan's face, as she couldn't help but cry. Part of her felt terrible for being so brutal. But the part that wanted the sick thrill of subjecting this girl to a small taste of the psychological torture she had put Lan through was a little stronger right now.

<You're still lying...even w-when you're being honest, ah, emotionally, y-you're lying. I c-can't—can't, umm, u-understand how you are s-s-so messed up...> Lan would say, having a little more trouble speaking again as her emotions overwhelmed her. <I n-never did anything—d-did anything to you. Y-you f-forced me to live here and n-never even...even looked at me. I've n-never seen you smile, or...heard y-you say anything kind.> She took a deep breath and ended up practically sobbing. She would bite back any further outbursts, however, not wanting to look weak, especially now that she had finally gotten a rise out of Jocelyn. <W-we could have been friends. Do you understand that? If you c-could—would have acted like a n-n-normal g-girl, if y-you had any emotions besides...besides anger a-and hate inside of y-you.>

Now Lan was making herself sad, thinking about what could have been. But, really, it never could have been. Jocelyn would have had to have been a completely different person for anything Lan was talking about to come to pass. <Y-you know, for a while I really thought that...I w-was in love with you. B-but I g-guess I was just in love...w-with a ghost. A f-f-fake Jocelyn who doesn't exist. D-do you even remember those...those looks you gave me?> She paused, then sighed, turning away from Jocelyn. <It doesn't matter, I suppose...>

The longer things went on the more and more upset Mei-Li became. Even though she really could only understand the argument on Yi Lan's end, it was almost painfully clear at this point Lu Jiao was not a good person. Even worse, Mei felt as though she had been completely taken advantage of by her too. Feeling incredibly sympathetic towards Yi Lan, despite being basically complete strangers to one another, Mei's conscious couldn't bear it anymore.

Biting back some of her own frightened tears, she stepped out of the bed, while rather bashfully covering her private parts with her hands, and tried to call out. < "S-stop it Lu Jiao! I... I uhh... don't really get what's going on, but you... this... this is too much! Apologize to Yi Lan!" >

Jocelyn recoiled at Lan's words, taking a step back and lifting up her arm to shield her face. Her eyes narrowed at the girl and she shook her head. Yi Lan was right about some things, but she was horribly off with how she was dealing with it.

Jocelyn's fist clenched and she was about to retort when Mei-Li stepped forward, shyly covering herself. Jocelyn looked away, blushing with shame in her eyes. She really did feel bad for Mei-Li. She wanted to get Lan out of here and apologize to the girl but it didn't seem like that was going to happen. Instead, Mei-Li was now accusing Jocelyn too!

Jocelyn should try and smooth things over and apologize to them both. Try and make things right and tell Yi Lan that she had felt the same. She had really cared for the girl and felt for her and she just really didn't know how to express herself. That she was an emotional wreck and hanging out with Allison had driven her into a rather horrid and delusional place. She WASN'T normal but maybe she wanted to be.  Jocelyn felt sad and empty and in a cage of her own. She didn't know what to do at all and she felt hot tears peculate at the corners of her eyes.

However, none of that came out of her lips. She shut her eyes and forced the tears back to where they came. When she opened her eyes again, she screamed.

"FFFFFUCK. YOU!" She looked between Yi Lan and Mei-Li. "Listen here, you cunts!" She growled. "This is MY flat and I'll be a koala's arsehole if I'm gonna let two fuck puppets tell ME how I should be!" She pointed at the both of them. "You're both cheap fuckin sluts and I'm tired of lookin at ya! So you both can get the FUCK out of here!" She screamed.

"I'll make it perfectly clear." She said, breathing heavily.

<Both of you disgust me and I never want to see either of you again. Get out of my sight.> She looked at Yi Lan. "I'll ring someone to pick up your shite."

Despite the fact that Mei-Li was interceding on her behalf, Lan couldn't help but cringe when the girl got out of bed and started insisting that Jocelyn apologize to Lan. No matter what, Lan honestly had not wanted this to affect Mei-Li. Jocelyn had decided to wake the girl up, and had blocked Lan's efforts to close the door or assuage their countrywoman's worries at every turn. The conversation had spiraled out of control, and by this time the guest must have been perfectly petrified by what was going on. The fact that she was standing up for Lan to someone who she had just had sex with was almost touching. But Lan knew that it was a very bad idea if she wanted any chance of getting back to having a normal night.

But for a second, it almost looked like Jocelyn was going to back down and try to work things out. For a second, she seemed to hesitate, and Lan almost thought that she saw Jocelyn's eyes glistening. But what came out of the swarthier Chinese woman's mouth was a string of expletives in English and another harsh rebuke in Mandarin. Jocelyn screamed so loudly that Lan was certain that the neighbors could hear her. The police might be called. She wondered what would happen then. She wished there was a way to force Jocelyn to quiet down. Or, really, to just stop talking altogether. Lan couldn't help but let tears stream down her face as Jocelyn got even more obviously emotional, letting her disturbed mind get the best of her.

<P-p-please, don't put...d-don't put her through any t-trouble,> Lan would say, as she would glance over to Mei-Li and then back to Jocelyn. <Sh-she isn't involved in this. Only you a-and I are, s-so p-please, don't t-t-try to make her—to make her, umm, pay f-for your mistakes! Y-your wrongdoings!> Lan would take a hesitant step forward, trying to put herself closer to Jocelyn, hoping that Mei-Li would get the hint that she should back off. Lan felt incredibly strange defending the girl who had just finished sleeping with someone who Lan had had feelings for.

But Lan couldn't forgive herself for letting another innocent person get dragged into this mess caused by Jocelyn and her dangerous "friends." Her own life had been on hold for months while she cried herself to sleep more often than not. The same thing could easily happen to someone else, like Mei-Li.

Lan was not quite finished. <Of course, she probably doesn't w-want to stay here now, after seeing who...n-no, what you r-really are,> she would say. Her whole body felt like it was going to fall to pieces at any moment. It had taken months to work up enough resolve to confront Jocelyn like this, but so long as she was, and so long as Jocelyn was refusing to admit that she was in the wrong, Lan was going to make it hurt. <I don't. I'm, umm, leaving. No one would want to s-s-stay here with you. N-not when you're like th-this. You have no right...umm, no right t-to be disgusted with anyone. Not when you are what you are. Y-you're mentally ill. You need to g-get help, or you'll continue being...a disgrace t-to all of us.>

Lan took another deep breath, and this time had to stifle a sob as she couldn't help but keep letting her emotions out. <As s-s-stupid as it is, I, umm, still care enough to want you t-to get help. If you don't, you'll...you'll just stay a...a worthless disgrace forever.> Lan didn't know whether she wanted to break down and beg Jocelyn to go find psychiatric help or to continue attacking her as viciously as she could. A part of her was still insisting that she keep digging to try to find that part of Jocelyn which she had only briefly glimpsed, once or twice, very early one. But most of her was exhausted. She had never had even a single moment of rest ever since Jocelyn came into her life.

She let the first part take control for just one second, however. She took another tentative step closer to Jocelyn, staring at her. <I want you to get help...>

"I want you to fuck off on outta here!" Jocelyn snarled and glared at Lan. She pointed to the door with a hard glare before swinging it back around and pointing at Mei-Li. "And SHE was a part of this the second you INSISTED on havin this conversation while she was here! You're a piece a shite as much as anyone here, so piss off!" Jocelyn snarled.

"You don't give a shite about helpin me and you don't give a shite about that Sheila! You just wanna make sure you take a jab at me for makin yer life miserable! I wasn't even fuckin here to MAKE it miserable!"

Jocelyn glared at Lan with hard, heavy eyes. "You're a weasely little twat, ya know that? I might be a cunt but at least everyone knows it. Outta one side of yer mouth you say you care about me and wanna help me and outta the other you call me a disgrace. You're so fulla shite you need two arseholes to get rid of it. I know a man who likes to toss that word at me a lot. And like him, I never wanna see your fuckin face again."

Jocelyn licked her lips. "I'll say it one more time. Get the hell outta my flat."

Mei-Li trembled at Jocelyn's continued outburst, mostly because she couldn't understand a word of it. The message was still pretty clear though: get out. Of course, Mei would be happy to oblige. She had gotten into something way over her head, something way more than she bargained for when she just wanted some dinner and company. Having seen the real Lu Jiao, she wanted nothing to do with the woman, feeling an overwhelming weight of shame at having been so loose with her. Mei wanted to do nothing more than to run back to her own apartment and cry.

There was just one small problem.

< "Uh... Umm..." > she meekly tugged at Yi Lan's arm, wanting her attention, but scared of getting dragged further down into whatever this was. < "C-c-can you help me f-find my clothes?" > she whimpered, feeling some tears in the corner of her eyes as she asked.

Jocelyn refused to leave Mei-Li out of it, and, though Lan certainly didn't agree with Jocelyn's accusation that it was all Lan's fault that Mei-Li had been drawn into this in the first place, the ashen-haired girl knew that some of the blame did lay with her. It was stupid of her to try to start this conversation when there was someone else in the apartment. This was a conversation—if one could even call it that—that should have happened when Lan and Jocelyn were alone. Lan sighed heavily, though it came out as a particularly loud, honking sob. <That w-was a...a m-mistake on my part,> she would admit, <b-b-but I wouldn't have n-needed—needed to do it, umm, a-at all if you would just...w-would just...>

She let that thought go, and went down a similar but different track. She was exhausted. She wanted to leave. She would help Mei-Li and then they could leave Jocelyn alone to stew in her abject, pathetic misery. Lan really did feel bad for her countrywoman—she would never have even a single day in her whole life which wasn't filled with pain. She would probably die young, and alone. But maybe that was what she deserved. Jocelyn brought her troubles upon herself.

<D-do you even know h-how to feel real, ahh, p-positive emotions? I'm g-genuinely curious...because I've n-never seen you happy. I don't think y-you ever actually c-could be.> Lan paused and stared hard at Jocelyn, trying to speak with her teary eyes and let the Chinese-Australian girl know just how wrong everything she was saying and thinking was. The mere fact that she had been absent was what she did wrong, and what had made Lan miserable. And, like it or not, she was a disgrace. Only she could change that, though—Lan had tried to help and had failed, and failed miserably. <I r-really did want to help. I, umm...I th-thought I c-could. But I w-was wrong. And n-now...I d-d-don't c-care.>

Okay, that was an obvious lie, and all three of them could probably recognize that. <O-okay...I, umm, I wish I d-didn't care.>

When Mei-Li tugged at her arm, Lan flinched a little, instinctively, cringing and initially starting to bring her other hand up. She was more than a little on-edge as her dispute with Jocelyn wore on. But Lan forced herself to relax, and she turned to Mei-Li and managed a nod. <Y-yes. I'm...I am sorry. I am s-so, so very sorry.> Lan would turn again to look at Jocelyn, sniffling as she did. <P-please, if you w-want me—a-and her—out, you'll help.>