You Can Never Go Home Again

Cassie barely heard a word Lukretia said after the part about "the loser will forfeit their Friction contract". As she stared at the stack of papers on the desk in front of her, she felt like she was watching herself and Lukretia from a separate room, through a one-way mirror, listening to Lukretia's muffled voice through the intercom. It was a feeling she had a lot lately, it seemed.

Her mind was much farther away than that, though. She had drifted all the way back across the Pacific and a few thousand miles of frozen tundra to humble London, Ontario, Canada. Home. If she lost this match, she might as well be back there, and while everything she'd worked for would be for nothing... she could go home. She could finally forget about everything, about Talia and her mask and Mamouru, and go be in the comfort and support of her family. She'd be the baby sister again, with a doting father and a committed mother and supportive brothers. But then, she wondered if things really would be the way they were before, and if the chaos that had consumed her life these last months hadn't stretched it's black tendrils all the way across the globe and into her home, and her family.

She was afraid to find out, and she didn't want to leave. Not like that. But what could she even do about it? For so long, she'd felt so totally helpless, like her life was everyone's to steer but hers.

"Oh..." She said. She wasn't sure Lukretia had been talking just then, but she hadn't heard a word. Her voice came out hoarse, nearly a whisper. "S-Sorry, um... what did you say?"

"I sad, you must be excited for your first real chance at ze spotlight, Fraulein." Lukretia had her arms crossed as she stared down at Cassie. She frowned when she heard Cassie's words. The girl was off in space and Lukretia knew that now was probably the worst time for that.

The German leaned forward and pressed her index finger against the underside of Cassie's chin and tilted it gently so that the Canadian was staring into Lukretia's eyes. "It vould be a shame for you to leave us." She said. "Having a cloudy mind before ze most important match of your life... zis is no gut." She said. She removed her finger and straightened up.

"Vhat I admire about you is your tenacity. It vould be a shame if you vere to lose to a girl who you are clearly superior to. But, she is hungry. Vhat are you? Has your belly grown full vith undesirable things?" Lukretia asked. "Because zis vould make for an undesirable match to vitness. Und zis, Fraulein, is vhat drives me to make it in ze first place."

"Oh..." Cassie said. "Y-yes. I am."

"Excited" was not the word Cassie would have used. She was many things, but excited? No. Her she hesitated to look Lukretia in the eye, but when she gently took control of her head she no longer had a choice. She couldn't look away, no matter how much she wanted to.

She nodded dutifully. She blushed. Lukretia knew that her heart wasn't in it anymore. She could tell. She became afraid that she would be able to tell that Cassie was trembling, and she hugged her arms against her stomach and bit her bottom lip to steady herself.

"I..." What could she say? Lukretia was right that Cassie was the better fighter, at least on paper. But it had been clearly demonstrated to her that skill was not the deciding factor in this business. Ruthlessness, no matter who had it, always trumped skill, and Cassie did not have that.

"I'll do my best. I..." She trailed off. Her mouth was suddenly dry, and even if she had anything else to say she wasn't sure if she'd have been able to get the words out. Instead, she looked helplessly back at Lukretia, and tried her very best to look like the resolute young fighter Lukretia seemed to think she was.

Lukretia's eyebrow raised as Cassie stammered. It might have been something Lukretia could have picked out but as Cassie continued, it would become obvious to nearly anyone. Lukretia eased herself away from Cassie's gaze and stepped around the red head. She rested her hands on Cassie's shoulders and began to gently squeeze and massage the girl's shoulders as if she was trying to ease some of the deep tension in the girl.

After a moment, Lukretia leaned in and pushed her lips near Cassie's ear. "Vell, you do not have to sign on ze dotted line, Fraulein." She said. "But, if you manage ze courage do zat, zen at least make sure you can summon enough during ze match to keep things interesting."

Lukretia leaned forward and kissed Cassie's cheek before she pulled up again and strolled back to her own desk. "Now." She said, waving the back of her hand at Cassie. "Schnell, schnell. Make up your mind so zat ve may say Auf Viedersehen."

Cassie closed her eyes. The idea was so tempting. She could refuse the match, probably void her contract in the process anyway, and go home now, without subjecting herself to any of the needless suffering that was no doubt waiting for her at Talia's hands. Or Mamouru's, or Aurora's, or anyone else.

She picked up the pen. She couldn't just say no right away, she had to at least look like she was considering it for a while, otherwise Lukretia would think she was a coward. Maybe she was a coward, but... no. People just didn't know what she'd gone through! She had lost everything since Talia Wilson decided to punish her for saving her friend. Her whole life had been broken down and gutted by that horrid, stupid girl. And what did Talia even get out of it?

For reasons she didn't understand at that moment, Cassie put the pen to the contract and signed her name. When she placed the pen carefully on the desk, she stood up.

"Bye," she said, and walked out the door.


She took a taxi home, and stared out the window, at all the familiar buildings she saw every day but might not see again soon, until it pulled up on the curb outside of the home she shared with Akashi. She wordlessly paid the fare and went inside.

Akashi leaped off the couch and threw her hands into the air. "Yatta!" She said and clapped her hands together. "Abisetaoshi!? Sugoi!" On the screen was a replay of the sumo bout Akashi was watching. A man lifting up another man and performing what looked like a belly-to-belly suplex from any wrestling match. She was excited to see it because in Sumo it wasn't as common. But as she calmed down, she heard the click of the door and turned to see Cassie. Akashi blushed and instinctively tugged on her kimono, pulling it enough to cover up a bit more of her breasts that constantly threatened to spill out.

Akashi bowed and then smiled, jogging over to Cassie. "Cassie-san!" Akashi turned her head and looked at the tv which was spewing Japanese while two more large men in minimal clothing began to step up to the ring. Every two months or so, Akashi's activity lessened when the hanbasho came around. "It's Kyushu basho and I was... uh..." Well, Cassie would understand. "Ehehe, do you want some food? I've made a stew. Were you at the facilities?" Akashi said, suddenly bombarding her with a few questions and a cheery smile.

Cassie tried to force a little smile as a greeting when Akashi got up. "I was..." She trailed off. She nodded her head at the offer of food, but only because she couldn't manage to open her mouth and say no.

She glanced at the TV. She knew that Akashi would be glued to it for a while. She knew how she'd be sitting on couch and how she'd self-consciously tug at her kimono when she walked through the door. She knew she'd have food waiting, and she knew that she would immediately come over to greet her, regardless of what was on TV. After having lived with Akashi for so long, she knew things about her, and Akashi knew things about Cassie, that no one else did. And she knew, she was gripped by the realization, that if she didn't win at Avalanche she'd be out of Friction, out of a job, and ultimately out of Japan. She'd be back in Canada where she'd likely never see Akashi again. Or Taylor. Or Johnny. Or John. Or even Clyde.

Suddenly, she couldn't breathe. She made a noise as if hiccuping, and then began taking short gasps of air. She flailed her hands and pressed one against her chest. She didn't know whether to lay down or sit or go outside or scream, and she looked to Akashi for help.

Akashi frowned at Cassie's words. It was just how she had become lately and it broke Akashi's heart. She sighed as her shoulders slumped. "Ok..." She said with resignation in her tone. She was going to turn and get her some food until she heard Cassie's noises. She lifted her head and looked back. Her eyes widened and she closed the gap between her and Cassie.

She had an arm around the girl. "C-Cassie!" She said. Uh... ummm..." She looked around and then ran off. "Don't die!" She said as she made her way to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water. She rushed back, spilling a little bit and shoved the glass into Cassie's hands. "Drink! Drink!" She encouraged.

Cassie reached out a hand for Akashi as she ran off for the kitchen. That was the opposite of what she wanted. When she came back, Cassie ran straight into her and collided with her in a tight hug. She buried her cheek in the sumo's chest and squeezed her as tightly as she could.

"Akashi..." She said, but became too choked up to go on. She blinked repeatedly as tears began to form in her eyes. She drew a deep, unsteady breath and let it out slowly.

"Akashi you're one of the best friends I've ever had." She said through her tears.

Akashi grunted as Cassie plowed into her. Her eyes widened as she was squeezed tightly. "W-Wha!?" She didn't understand the sudden wave of affection. It was weird coming from Cassie and the fact that it WAS weird was even weirder!

When Akashi felt the wet tears against her chest, she inhaled deeply again. "C-Cassie-chan." She hugged tighter as Cassie spoke and for a long moment, she silently embraced the smaller redhead.

Akashi then pulled Cassie to arms length and knelt down, keeping her arms around Cassie's waist. "I... I feel the same way, Cassie-chan." Akashi said with a weak smile. Tears glistened at the corner of her eyes too but they didn't fall. "W-What's all this about?" She asked softly as she lifted up her hand and wiped away the tears on Cassie's face with the sleeve of her kimono.