Glowing

Taylor made a tight face at Johnny and slugged him in the shoulder as hard as she could while laying next to him. "Dude, why would I want to leave? You think I'd just get bored with my career and you and everything else? This is my life now, ya know? There's nothing for me anywhere else in the world. Yeah, maybe when I decide to stop wrestling I'll move out of Japan, but that won't be for a long time so who knows what things will be like then. I, uh..."

It occurred to her that she hadn't given much thought to how long term this thing with Johnny would be. It wasn't that she was planning on it being a short term fling, but she just hadn't thought about the implications of dating someone for a long time. Honestly, it made her a little uncomfortable. She liked Johnny a lot, but was that enough? She made a face.

"Well, whatever. I don't know. I'm not going anywhere, okay? I can't yet. I just can't. Why do you bring it up, are you getting cold feet or something? Ready to have some fun and see what else is out there?" She said it like she was joking, but she knew there was a part of her that was not.

"Hey! What the heck!?" Johnny said as e was slugged. He rubbed his arm and looked at Taylor with a small little grin and a furrowed brow. "No.. that's not what I meant!" Johnny said defensively. "I wasn't talkin about leavin wrestlin and junk! But it's not like Japan is the only place that has wrestlin. Maybe you wanted to go wrestle in other places and stuff. That's what I was sayin!"

Johnny let out a sigh. "It's totally cool that you consider Japan your home. Like.. it's like really cool... and stuff..." Johnny turned his head, blushing a bit. I like.. wasn't bringing it up cause of cold feet. It the opposite really!" Heturned back and looked at Taylor. "You're like way cool and junk and ya know... Well I ... " Johnny paused and bit his lip. He was about to say something but held back. His heart was beating in his chest and he calmed himself down with a breath.

"Like... maybe you wanted to go and see what else was out there or somethin... I don't at all. You're the best thing that's happened to me. Why would I ever wanna leave that? I just... Maybe you don't wanna hear things like that... I dunno, man." Johnny said, looking very sheepish as his eyes searched Taylor's for help. "I just, you know, want you to know that whatever you do is cool and if you were all 'I wanna go wrestle in Mexico' then, I'd totally go with you to Mexico and stuff... I mean... not that you would wanna go there. I mean... not that that place sucks and junk, but... whatever!"

Johnny pushed himself against Taylor and looked her in the eye. "All I know is Whatever you do, I wanna be there with you to do it. I don't got no crystal ball or anything and I'm not really good about thinking about the future and shit but right now, whatever's going on, I definitely wanna be with you and shit! That's what I want you to understand!"

"Yeah, a'right." Taylor said, sounding a lot shorter than she meant to. Johnny was being really sweet, or at least trying to if he could find the words, and Taylor just felt... uncomfortable.

She stared off at the ceiling. Everything was so complicated. "Thanks... That's cool. I want to be with you too. That's why I'm here. I'm not real easy to get along with, and I'm glad that you, like... Ya know, that you can stick it out and deal with my craziness. It takes a pretty special dude to put up with me." She mused, even sounding a bit down. "Ya know, sometimes I think I have more in common with your brother than with you. Not that that's a good thing or anything, I definitely don't want to be around people too much like me. I'd go nuts."

It wasn't just sometimes that Taylor thought she was more like Mamouru than Johnny. She knew from the start that she and Mamouru were... what was it? What was it that was like being soul mates, but where the other person is the thing that destroys you instead of completes you? What a weird thought, Taylor had hardly spent enough time with Mamouru to go thinking that he was her perfect villain, the Joker to her Batman. Or maybe it was the other way around.

She sighed. "I'm... I'm not feeling to great, Tiger. I think I'll... I dunno, go for a run or something."

Johnny couldn't understand Taylor's reaction. It was pretty much the opposite of what he had expected outside of her getting angry or something. Johnny didn't really think she was as crazy as she tried to lead him to believe but it was still encouraging. Still... What she said next it him like a sack of doorknobs.

"What... the fuck?!" Johnny said and sat up. He looked at Taylor and shook his head. "No fricken way! He's a scummy douchebag! You ain't anythin like him! That's just... Shit..." He ran his fingers through his hair.

"What?" Johnny said and looked at Taylor. He frowned. "I don't understand? Did I say something wrong? Am I going too fast or something? We've been together for a while now, I thought... I thought that would be cool and stuff." Johnny looked over Taylor and tried to understand her sudden change in demeanor. He urged her to speak, trying to sound understanding rather than pleading. C'mon babe, tell me what's goin on."

"I don't know! Nothing, it's just... I don't know, okay? I just feel... I just feel like I need some air." She stood up out of the bed and took the sheet with her, leaving Johnny with just a blanket. She wrapped it around herself and held it closed behind her while she walked over to her travel bag and knelt down to rummage through it. Her face flushed hotly from embarrassment.

"I know you think I'm crazy, but... Well, I am crazy. It's not you, Johnny, it's really not." She found a pair of black stretchy workout pants that came down to mid-shin, and a white sports bra and tank top, and quickly pulled them on. She always brought work out clothes to Kyoto. Her and Johnny both liked to put in regular workouts, even when traveling.

She stood up and looked at Johnny with her forehead all scrunched up. "Sorry." Was all she could think to say.

Johnny looked at Taylor and furrowed his brow. He didn't like what she was saying at all. "You aren't crazy." He said as he slid off the bed and looked at her. "It's cool... if you need air, or whatever." Johnny said. "But... don't say shit like you're crazy. So like? Are you scared of moving forward?" He asked and began to slowly inch towards her. "I am too, you know. You're the first girlfriend I have had. What if it doesn't work out? I mean... That would be pretty shitty and junk but then I think... what if it DOES work out? That's almost scarier, you know? I mean... shit... I don't know what I mean. But like... whatever man... I wish you could see you the way I saw you. The most amazing chick I ever met. You're cool and funny and you're so passionate and shit. That's awesome man!"

Johnny grinned widely, looking at Taylor and hopeful. So, like... maybe you do junk that some people might wonder about? Maybe they think that's crazy? Who cares? You're doing what you want, and that's like... totally awesome and shit!"

Johnny let out a sigh. "Man, if you still need some air, it's cool babe." Johnny said and turned his head. "Just... it's cool... I'll lift some weights or something until you get back." Johnny suddenly felt like pumping the shit out of some weights and wasn't really sure why.

Taylor quickly pulled on her sneakers and tied them. She wasn't sure what to say, really, so she stayed quiet. Maybe she just wasn't meant to be with a sweet guy. Maybe she was meant to be with an asshole.

She stood up and paused awkwardly, not wanting to leave or stay. With an apologetic smile, she leaned in gave him a quick kiss. "Sorry. I just need to get my head straight. You know I'm a mess, I just... I'll be back soon." She said, and left.

She had no idea how long she'd actually be gone. She had to calm herself down and figure out why she was so freaked out... What was it that Johnny did? He said that she didn't have to stick around, and he'd go with her, and she knew he really liked him. That wasn't a bad thing, right?

But then the questions came like what if it did work out? He was practically a kid, she was nearly robbing the cradle, though she wasn't that much older than him he certainly couldn't have been much younger. Was that even what she wanted? What did she want? And why would he think that she wanted to leave? Did he not trust her? Not believe that she was where she wanted to be? Was she where she wanted to be?

She was driving herself crazy by the time she reached the sidewalk. She took off into a run, setting her pace way faster than was advisable for a run of any real length. She wanted to wear herself out, and fast. Anything to settle her down.

Johnny watched as Taylor decided to leave. He stood and stared at the door for a good minute before turnign away and letting out an exasperated sigh. "Shit!" He said as she looked down at his naked form. "How the hell can Mamouru juggle multiple women? She's plenty enough for me, that's for sure." He then shook his head and grinned. "What the hell did I even say?" He said in a bemused tone before he moved over to his set of weights. He put on 100lbs, just something light enough that he didn't have to think but heavy enough that he had to work a little bit.

He began to pump the weights, letting out hot breaths as he did, both trying to think and trying not to think about things. Was he looking for a future with Taylor? They were both so young. Maybe they just wanted to enjoy each other for now. Weren't they doing that though? He liked her a lot though. He'd thought a bunch of times about saying a certain thing to her. Wouldn't that make her run away though? Just talking tonight caused her to go on along jog. If he was more open with his feelings, maybe she would run away forever?

He really didn't know and kept pumping iron until his arms burned as he waited for Taylor to come back. After that was some squats and then some sit ups. Sweat was pouring off of him but he wasn't going to stop until Taylor came back or he literally exhausted himself.

Taylor's pace quickened until she was running flat out, her lungs and her legs burning with every gasping breath and every desperate step. It wasn't long before she was spent, and she collapsed on her hands and knees in front of a small cafe. Finally, she could put the whole thing out of her mind.

She gasped in another breath and it quavered into a sob. Before she knew it she was sobbing uncontrollably, tears rolling down her cheeks while her stomach tied itself in knots. She doubled over and rested her forehead on the sidewalk in front of her, covered her face with one hand, and curled her fingernails into the cement while her body was racked with anguish.

It was the hardest she'd cried since her dad died, but she had no idea why she was doing it. She was just so confused. So many things with her future were up in the air, and normally she'd be fine with it but it seemed like it was different with Johnny. She really liked being with him. They worked well together. But she was terrified of him at the same time, of what it meant if things became serious. Weren't they already kind of serious, though?

What was the worst that could happen? They both knew they liked each other and preferred each other's company. Neither one of them was pursuing any other romantic relationships. Everything was going great, and that was the problem. It freaked her out. She'd never stood in front of someone who could look her in the eye and tell her they'd stick by her and mean it. There was Akashi, of course, but that was different. Somehow.

And the thing with Mamouru, sometimes Taylor felt her mind pulled toward him, thinking about what if... it was revolting, but she knew she only thought about him like that because doing anything about it would ruin her life. In order to ruin everything and restore the comfort of disorder and struggle and panic and conflict, she need only make a pass at her boyfriend's brother. Then Johnny wouldn't think so highly of her, he wouldn't be so willing to come with her to the States or wherever. Maybe he deserved better than someone who would always be looking for a way to destroy their relationship.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, and she looked up to see a concerned old Japanese man, a cup of tea in his other hand. He said something to her in Japanese, and she sniffled, the distraction temporarily put her tears on hold. She looked into his eyes, and the kindness there made her think that maybe this man had a daughter, probably about her age. She stood up and couldn't help but wrap her arms around him. He hugged her back, softly saying incomprehensible things in Japanese.

Taylor was done crying. For the moment, in public, on the streets of Tokyo at night in front of some cafe with a complete stranger, she felt safer than she had in a long time. She imagined that if this guy did have a daughter, maybe she was somewhere else, in the States maybe, and maybe his love just needed somewhere to go in her absence. Taylor was without a father, and maybe her daughterly needs were looking for someone else to fill them in his absence. Something clicked in her mind, and she pulled back from the old man and gave him a red-faced, teary-eyed smile and a kiss on the cheek.

She turned and ran back to Johnny's apartment at full-tilt, and by the time she arrived she was gasping for breath. She opened the door and stumbled in, panting for breath again, to find Johnny on the floor in mid-sit up.

She didn't hesitate, she went straight for him and sat down on his stomach, straddling him. She looked into his eyes with a barely contained energy that was exciting and frightening.

"Johnny." She began, still out of breath, her voice still shaky. "I don't know what'll happen, but I don't want to see what else is out there. If I'm a bird, I want you to be a bird, and if you're a bug, I'm a bug." She hesitated as if she was going to say something else, but instead she just flattened herself out on top of them and pressed her lips hotly against his. "Simple, right?" She whispered.

Johnny heard Taylor burst through the door and flopped onto his back to look at her from his upside-down position. He could hear her ragged gasps, she looked like a mess, and yet, his heart beat with excitement. He felt like he was stuck ins low motion, or she was moving at superhuman speeds whens he sat on him.

He looked up at her, his mouth hung open. He couldn't even get out a word. Her words, melted into him and he grinned. "That's right, babe." He said in a soft tone before being bulldozed into the ground by the power of her kiss. He laid in stunned silence with his eyes widened for half a second before his strong arms grabbed her shoulders and he pushed himself fully into the kiss.

After a hot minute of deep kissing, Johnny pulled away, just enough to look into Taylor's eyes. "You've been.." He said softly, with a bit of hesitation, but then shook his head ever so slightly. "Oh, fuck it." He said and pulled her back into the kiss, pushing her onto her back so he could continue their impromptu roll on the floor.