So Much It Hurts

Taylor hadn't seen Akashi since the night of the PPV, several days ago, and she felt awful about it. She wasn't avoiding her, she just hadn't run into her and hadn't made a point of tracking her down. Part of her thought that she wanted to give her space and let her deal with her loss, the biggest of her career, in her own way... but part of her also thought that she didn't want to see Akashi while she was still upset.

Truthfully, watching Akashi lose, Taylor felt gutted. She felt sick to her stomach. She wanted to run into the ring and dropkick Sarah into next week and help Akashi up and make everything alright. Instead, she sat backstage with Johnny and watched her best friend, her mentor, and her idol get beat by everyone's favorite arch nemesis, lose her title, her winning streak, and her aura of untouchable greatness. It wasn't that she thought less of Akashi, it just felt to unfair that Sarah could just take that away from Akashi like that. It was like watching your dad get beat up.

Deep down, she knew that Akashi would disagree, and tell her that she had lost nothing. That was true... She fought hard and left it all in the ring. Anyone would be lucky to have a performance like hers. But in every fight there must be a winner and a loser, and that night belonged to Sarah. Akashi would tell her about the honor of it all. Honor, though, didn't seem to belong in the same sentence with Sarah Gatt, though after all of what happened... Taylor didn't know what to think.

Taylor left her apartment and climbed into her first major purchase with her new Friction money, a lightly used Fiat 500. Compared to some of the things some of the other girls drove, it was nothing, but Taylor couldn't care less about having expensive, flashy things. She didn't care about impressing people with what she drove. She liked it. She thought it was cute, like a mouse, and the stereo rocked, so she bought it. Besides, she missed the freedom of driving since coming to Japan. It felt good to be behind the wheel of her own car again.

In the back seat was an enormous pile of flowers. It barely fit. It seemed a bit much, Akashi wouldn't like a billion flowers... Would she? She felt a little silly. She drove to Akashi's apartment and parked on the curb.

She reached into the back and pulled a single rose out of the massive bouquet, and as she approached the door, she became more and more nervous. She was afraid that Akashi would be mad for not coming to see her sooner, and she was afraid that Akashi would be hurt... She didn't know what to expect, and really she didn't know why she was nervous at all.

She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand and rang the doorbell. She was just being silly. She knew everything would be alright. She knew Akashi, of course everything would be alright. She just needed to see her, then everything would be fine. In the back of her mind, though, she knew that some of her apprehension came from the pretty big bit of news that she would have to tell Akashi about. But... that was personal, and she didn't want to think about it right then. She just wanted to think about Akashi.

She took a moment to fix her loose, bright blue hair, smoothing her long bangs to one side so they didn't cover her eye. She straightened her black jacket, the one she'd ironed patches onto so that it bore the Japanese characters for 'Kamikaze' over her left breast and much larger across the back. She wore her favorite pair of tattered, form-fitting jeans and her black leather Converse, two of the only lower-body clothing items she had left from the states. She took a deep breath and tried to put on a smile while she waited for Akashi.

Akashi had felt strangely good after the PPV match were she lost her Title. Despite what happened, she managed to drag herself away and not think about it too muc. She focused on being able to, hopefully, strengthen her bonds with her friend Sarah and not about having the most important thing in she had ever won in her career stripped away from her in a brutal fight. Thankfully, her body saw fit to give her a helping hand and she spent the next two days basically comatose. She slept and ate, barely even paying crawling out of her bed. Even her feisty girlfriend, Mina Oates's magic touch couldn't spark a flame of life inside the girl.

When she awoke from her slumber, she seemed to be none the worse for wear, the chipper, perky, sex crazed sumo she was before she entered into the PPV match. After another near full day of spending time with her lover, she had to make a decision. That decision was to go see some sumo bouts, visit with her family, do some more promotional work, shop and generally and subconsciously avoid the main AFW complex as much as possible. She hadn't even realized it had been almost a week without talking to Taylor, even though every once in a while, she would think about it, pull out her phone and then think of some excuse to not dial the buttons.

"Obviously she wants to celebrate with Johnny-kun, I can't bug her." or "I bet she's training hard for her next title match, doubt she even has her phone buy her."

On this day she found herself wearing an open kimono, a pair of panties and nothing else. There was a big empty tub of ice cream and she was snoozing on her sofa with the TV showing old sumo matches. When she heard a knock on the door.

"eh, wha...?" She looked around and narrowed her eyes at the door. She hopped up and moved towards the door. "If you're going to buy so much that you can't open the door, call ahead next time, Mina-chan!"

Aashi swung open the door as she called out only to see Taylor standing before her. Akashi's mouth fell open for a moment as if her brain was trying to work through something before she grinned brightly. "Taylor-chan!" She said with a jovial energy that was normal for Akashi. She then hugged Taylor tightly, rubbing her hand up and down Taylor's back affectionately.

Akashi nestled her head against Taylor's neck. When it was the appropriate time to let go of a normal hug, Akashi did not. She squeezed Taylor tighter and suddenly sniffled. The big sumo girl had no idea what was going on with her but suddenly she felt tears well up at the corners of her eyes. Her body shook but she held onto Taylor.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAH Taylor-chaaaan!"

She suddenly burst and a week of bottling up what happened at the fight came pouring out onto Taylor's shoulder.

Taylor gave Akashi a sheepish grin when she opened the door.

"Hi Kashi. I-oh." She hugged Akashi back. "Yeah, hi, sorry I didn't come find you soon-urk!" Akashi squeezed her tighter and suddenly she couldn't breathe. That happened sometimes.

"You're killing me..." She squeaked out, almost inaudibly. Akashi's grip loosened somewhat, and Taylor was a little relieved but then Akashi began to cry. Taylor didn't know what to do. Usually she was the one crying.

So she just clung onto Akashi and squeezed her tightly and leaned her head against Akashi's shoulder. Without realizing it, tears spilled onto her own cheeks as well. It hurt her terribly to see her best friend so upset, grieving the way she was. But, at the same time, it felt good. It felt good to be there for her. They were family, she told herself, and that was important.

Several minutes passed with the only sound being Akashi's sobs. Finally, Taylor took Akashi by the shoulders and held her at arm's length, straightening her up. She smiled at her and smoothed her hair down, and then wiped at the tears on Akashi's cheeks, then on her own.

"It's okay, Akashi. You're still you, and that's all anyone could ever want from you." She said, without thinking at all about what she was saying.

She suddenly remembered the rose in her hand. The stem had broken in her death grip when Akashi was crushing her to death. She held it up for Akashi.

"Oh, this, I got you, like, an actual ton of flowers, but I thought, like, you don't need all those because you don't need frilly stuff and stuff because there's only one of you and that's perfect and there's no one else like you and so there's just the one flower because that's all you need and... it made sense in my head." She turned her head away, embarrassed, but only for a moment. She looked back at Akashi with a fresh grin.

"Kashi! Get dressed! We're going out!" She jabbed at Akashi's belly with her finger. "Is this like, Japanese sweat pants? Is this what you do when you're not trying? Time to look good, man, go get clothes."

Akashi hugged Taylor tighter when she heard the barely audible cries of her suffering. This was exactly the catharsis she needed to release the feelings she had bottled up in her. And while she felt ashamed for hiding from her best friend, she thought in the end that it was probably better this way. When Taylor finally pried away Akashi from her death grip, Akashi sniffled and smiled at Taylor.

"D... Domo, Taylor-chan." Akashi said and wiped an errant tear. She suddenly felt like she just lost a hundred pounds of weight and she felt good. She was about to invite Taylor in when she saw Taylor lift up the rose. She grinned and took it and held it against her breast and smiled back at Taylor. "Thank you again, Taylor-chan." Se said and then her eyes widened as Taylor told her to kick it into gear because they were going out.

When Taylor called out Akashi's newfound slobbery, the big Sumo got offended and gasped. "I... I'm trying! I.. was just... there were things!" Akashi then laughed and pulled her hand back and slapped Taylor on the back and shoved Taylor into her apartment.

"By the way, Congratulations, Champ!" She said and shut the door behind her. "I'm gonna take a quick shower and while I do, you can tell me allll about the post match tussle between you and Johnny-kun!" She winked at Taylor. "I'm sure it was just as exciting as the Pay-per-view match. Akashi took off her opened kimono as she strolled towards the bathroom, not caring that Taylor saw her naked. She even stepped out of her panties as she entered the room and turned around to grin at Taylor. "I know Mina-chan, really kept my engine revving during this past week. She's such a trooper.

Akashi winked at Taylor and then shut the door. "Bah, Sarah Gatt! She's tough but I'd be more afraid of a horny Mina-chan if I wandered into a back alley and had to pick one to get jumped by.

Akashi got into her shower and scrubbed down. She didn't take too long and quickly opened the door, naked and covered in water. She had a towel wrapped around her head and nothing else.

"Feel free to make yourself at home, Mina-chan had a long day of working out so she isn't here. I'll be out in a second!" She then got dressed, choosing her normal Hakama pants and Loosely wrapped kimono. She also took out a bunch of chopsticks and stabbed her wet mess of hair into a silky looking bunny mass that hung just above her shoulders and some untied strands that fell down the sides of her face. The final touch was Taylor's red rose that was tucked neatly towards the top of her head.

She then stopped out and grinned at Taylor. "I'm ready!" She said with a bright grin on her face. "I hope it's ok..." She said and then turned her head and let out a soft sigh. "Thanks again.." Se added. "I just... I don't even know HOW I feel... felt... whatever..." She also added a bit shyly.

Taylor laughed gleefully. Her giddiness over her relationship with Johnny had yet to subside. "Man, I'm not gonna tell you EVERYTHING." Honestly, aside from some heavy petting after her match, nothing happened between them that night. Taylor was in tears after Akashi's match, and she wasn't feeling very sexy. Of course, she wouldn't tell Akashi that.

She didn't make it a point to look at or look away from Akashi's nakedness. At first. The second time, Taylor looked away, but didn't want to make a big deal of it. It wasn't weird, but... it was a little weird. She wasn't sure why. Maybe because she knew that if she offered, Akashi would probably screw her brains out right then and there. Call it some weird sexual tension.

She began to pace around the apartment and ended up with her eyes glued on the TV and it's old sumo. "Kashi, I, uh..." She called out over the noise of the shower. "I have something to... but later, and..." She trailed off and waited until Akashi came out of the shower.

"That was fast." She said when Akashi emerged. Naked again. "Dude." She said and looked down at her feet. Eventually she made her appearance in her usual going-out attire. She had come to appreciate traditional Japanese clothes if for no other reason than she liked the way Akashi looked in them. She was like the female wrestler equivalent of a samurai or something. Something noble.

"You look awesome." She said with a smile, and tilted her head toward the door. "Let's go."

As she walked out, she spoke to Akashi behind her. "I'm making some more money now. I got a pretty big check from Avalanche, so I bought something. It's not much, but it's what I wanted." She said as she approached her car. "I miss driving so much. It sort of reminds me of home..." She trailed off again. It was becoming clear that Taylor was doing her best to be energetic and to appear happy, but she just didn't have it in her.

"Akashi," She turned to face Akashi and looked her in the eye. "I have something I have to tell you, but not right now, okay? Later. I want to talk about you now, ya know, I don't want to ruin that or whatever."

She unlocked her car, got in, and started it up. "You'll never guess where we're going."

Akashi grinned at Taylor as she complimented her too. "So you do you, baby!" Akashi said with a wink before inspecting Taylor. "Usually I like skirts but the jeans work. Yosh! Let's rock!" She said and laughed. Despite the lingering feelings, she was feeling surprisingly good. She didn't realize that Taylor could have such an affect on her but she was thankful for it.

"Oh yeah..." Akashi said as Taylor mentioned money. "I forgot to pick up that check." She waved at it. "Man, I don't even think about that half the time. Unless it comes to bills and that sort of thing, the money I have stuffed in my boobs is about what I realize I have!" She said and stuck her tongue out like she was a complete airhead. She stopped to leave a note for Mina before pushing out the door and locking it.

"Hehe, Mina got a car recently. I don't see what the big deal is, but f you like it, then I'm glad you finally got to spend some money. You definitely deserved it." Akashi was surprised at Taylor's feet dragging. She wondered secretly if she had stolen Taylor's mojo. Akashi looked at Taylor as she looked at her. "Um... sure..." She said and smiled softly. "Taylor-chan, you can talk to me about anything, whenever you want to."

Akashi slid into the car and wiggled around in the seat, taking in the new car smell and looking around. She buckled in and then laughed. "I always just spend my money on Samurai Swords and junk..." She muttered with a bright grin. "Where are we going!?" She asked with bright eyes as she looked at Taylor.

"Thanks Kashi." Taylor said under her breath as she pulled away from the curb.

"We are totally going to the mall." She said with a little smile. "I want to hit a couple stores. Maybe look at clothes. But there's a nerdy nerd store that sells like, comic books and wrestling memorabilia. Thought we could check it out. Wait, will we get recognized?" She asked, surprised at the thought. "I hadn't thought of that. Man... I don't know if I like that... At least today."

She drifted off again for a moment, but quickly pulled herself back to reality. "Well, maybe it'd be good for us to rub elbows with fans. Polish up the egos and stuff."

She pushed a button and Yoshida Brothers started up over the better-than-average stereo. She wasn't particularly a fan of them, but she knew Akashi was. She'd try to like them if only for Akashi. "So, like, tell me about the match. You did awesome, man, you beat the shit out of her. Broke her ribs and shit. Man... win or lose, that's good enough to make most of the roster feel pretty good." She specifically did not mention any of what happened after the match. That couldn't help. "How did you feel in the match? You seemed a little... different. Not in a bad way. Just, like, go for it, spill everything on me, I'm all ears."

Taylor did her best to keep her attention on Akashi, though it was at times divided between her and the road. She looked over and flashed her a smile.

"Ooooh!" Akashi said as Taylor let her in on their plans. "That should be fun!" She laughed a little. "I deserve to blow a little money I guess, hehe." Akashi looked over at Taylor. "You just want to dress me up, get me out of these stuffy old clothes!" She laughed again and then raised an eyebrow. "Oh.." She tought about it. "You calling me a nerd!?" She blurted out. "Comic... books?" She said and tilted her head. "Like manga?!" She furrowed her brow and then blushed. "I read... a few of them, but not many!" She said. "Mina-chan's the geek in our relationship! Oh... but I might be interested in checking out some wrestling memorabilia. Ever since that fight with those Yanki bitches, I've been watching a lot of Rikidōzan. Eheh... He was a Rikisi and wrestler just like me. It's... been enlightening and fascinating. I should thank Shino-san sometime. Maybe they have a poster or some of his matches or something there." She added with a grin.

Akashi smiled at Taylor's words. "We're just a couple of gals, no one's going to even recognize us." She said even though they were a pretty odd pair, and would definitely stand out in a crowd. Akashi, despite being pretty famous, never got hounded too badly by fans, but then again, she didn't really go out to public places too often either. Akashi looked at Taylor sheepishly. "Taylor-chan... I'm... so proud of you..." She then closed her eyes and turned her head away from Taylor and opened her eyes back to look out the window.

"Oooh!" Akashi cried when Taylor put on the stereo. "This is like... the only piece of modern music I know!" She cheered, proud of herself. "Other than Smokin' Billy!" Akashi's big smile dropped suddenly wen Taylor asked her questions.

"Yeah..." She said softly. "I don't know. I'm pretty sure tat in that match, she got the worst of it. I mean, I beat the FUCK out of her." Akashi didn't look at Taylor and clenched her fists. "I don't know, how after all that, I STILL lost. What the hell do I have to do?!" Akashi was panting softly as feelings welled up inside of her. "I'm... not bitter about the loss. I shouldn't have targeted her chest. Next time I'll go straight for her face, knock her head around, make her bleed. That's how I won the first time. It was a good match. I feel close to her ...it's weird. You're my best friend, Mina-chan is my life and yet... Sarah... she's important to me too. It's like no one else but her and I know each other the way we do. When you have fought so many times, you can't feel nothing... I'm not satisfied though. I want to fight her again. Even if I had won, I might not have been. I don't even know what I have to prove. I don't. That match came down to inches. If I had gotten up and crawled over to her, I'd be champ still. She just ad a little more fight in her. I didn't quite... I didn't quit but I didn't stop her from pinning me. Not really. She deserved it and I'm happy for her. I am actually happy for her. She... deserved it."

Akashi smiled as she looked out the window. "I'm ok with how things went down, I'm at peace with myself, I don't have regrets. I didn't stoop to her level and, aside from the chair and I ... think... a crotch shot... she didn't stoop to her level either. I'm ok with what happened." She repeated. "But I'm NOT satisfied. I feel restless and I can't place it. Maybe I don't want to admit that losing the title hurt a lot. Maybe my pride's still recovering. It's not like I wasn't honest with myself about how much I wanted that title and I'm GOING to get it back. I'm going to be the best wrestler this company's ever known! Until not a single soul could argue otherwise!" Akashi pounded her fist into her palm.

Akashi sighed and slouched in her seat before looking over at Taylor sheepishly. "So... yeah, that's it, I guess..."

Taylor listened quietly while she worked her way through the Tokyo traffic. One little bit of Akashi's account of the match, though, made her a little angry. She tried not to show it.

"You didn't..." She didn't stop her from pinning her? She let Gatt pin her? What the fuck was she saying? That was not the Akashi she knew, who would go all out for a whole match only to let the end slide.

She clenched her jaw and paid more attention to the road. What kind of friend was she, getting pissed at Akashi for... nothing. Maybe she was just angry that Akashi didn't stop Sarah. She was at least a little angry that now Sarah was the champ. That she couldn't deal with. But... that wasn't Akashi's problem, it was her's, and it certainly wouldn't help Akashi at all for her to bring it up.

She quietly let out a deep breath and smiled at Akashi. She put her hand on Akashi's leg. "You were always the best." She said. Maybe what Taylor was having the most trouble with was that her idol had all at once lost everything that had made her her idol in the first place. But that was before Taylor knew her, and after all it was much better to have a friend than a hero.

Taylor passed another quiet moment with a faint smile on her face. "Did you ever notice that everyone lives like five minutes away from everything here? Tokyo's pretty crazy. In New York, everything was like a mile away, but it took you 3 hours to get there. Traffic and stuff. I almost never drove into the city, though, like downtown. That's what the subway's for, but that wasn't as good as here either. It's weird, New York seems so ghetto now."

She glanced at Akashi again. "Do you ever wonder what you'd be doing if you weren't in AFW? Like... what other careers are there for people like us. I mean, you'd go be sumo champ or whatever they call it, but I mean if you weren't fighting at all. In New York I was in a punk band. I played bass, then guitar, then I sang, then guitar again when people bitched, then I sang again because they found out that, like, people came to see me and not them, then they got bitchy some more and I just quit. And, like, my mom, she didn't... Who needs that. But like, being on stage and stuff like that... it's pretty awesome. It's like I could really... fuckin'... own that crowd. We sucked, but it's punk rock, man, everyone sucks.

"I think if I weren't fighting I'd want to dance. I love dancing. I wouldn't go try to pick up guitar again and go scream my head off in front of a band, it's too much of a headache dealing with all the shit. I'd just want to dance. Just music and stuff and... I don't know how I'd make a living doing that, but... I dunno. Who knows. Maybe if I ever wash out the bottom of the Kawaii division I'll look into that. But... what about you?"

"Didn't what?" Akashi said quizzically as she tilted her head at Taylor. She knew exactly how the match went down. She hadn't given up, she had been beaten fair and squarely. If Taylor was Angry, Akashi couldn't tell but she would have to explain things to Taylor if the time came up.

Akashi was shocked when Taylor put her hand on her leg and she brought her hand down and gripped Taylor's tightly. She looked at Taylor with both serious and thoughtful eyes and spoke with conviction. "I still am!" Shethen loosened her grip on Taylor's hand and let out a sig. "One loss isn't going to get me down. Yeah, it was a tough one but it's cool. I'm not going to let it bother me. And now I can finally focus more on the tag team titles. I'm really excited for that!" Akashi then grinned at Taylor. "But, when we win don't start thinking you can beat me to that triple crown! I'm going to be the first! Yosh!" Akashi clenched her fist. She was feeling really good all of a sudden. Pumped, ready to take on another match.

"It's awesome, I love being able to walk! I love Tokyo..." Akashi smiled. "We should take a trip to New York sometime. You have seen my city and I wanna see yours." She said with a bright smile. Akashi chuckled to herself.

But then Taylor brought up what Akashi would do if she wasn't a wrestler. "I.." Akashi blushed. "I don't know anything but sumo..." She said sheepishly. "Literally... My father was a Yokozuna. We run a sumo stable, all my brothers are in it. My familyhas been in it for like... generations.. Heck, I was even BORN in the big ass sumo stadium here in Tokyo!" Akashi laughed. "I'd clean stables, I'd teach, I'd... I'd pretend I liked dicks and fake marry a Rikishi just so I could ... I dunno..." Akashi sighed. "I only joined AFW because I COULDN'T do sumo! I guess... I couldn't live without it... Am I too single minded? I've been told I can be pretty singularly focused when I set my mind to something..."

Akashi then looked at Taylor. "Well.." She said. "Now you pretty much are going to HAVE to dance and sing for me sometime. And... and then I will have to find a way to get you to do a sexy dance for me... ehehehh..." Akashi rubbed her hands together as she thought about it. "N, no, it's just you and me, Taylor-chan... You don't have to be shy! Go ahead and bare it all for Akashi-sama." Akashi shook her head and blushed a bit as she wiped the drool off her lips. "Haha! N-Noo! Taylor-chan! I swear I only fantasize about you when you're around to embarrass!" She said as she broke into a laughter and tried to fend off an imaginary assault from Taylor, or real one if Taylor decided to smack Akashi around.