Hopeless confusion, helpless love

A part of Seraphim would always tell her that she had to keep punishing herself, that she could never be forgiven. She had made so many mistakes, and even though she had tried so hard for the past year and a half now to truly make up for them, and even more time in prison before that in punishment, she never believed that her suffering would nor should end for her. But as Seraphim sat there, doing her best to hold back her tears still, choking them back and trying not to break down, Mai was approaching her, and she felt a little embarrassed to be seen this way. But even as she tried to hide them, Mai knelt before her, and reached out to touch her cheeks, looking her in the eye as she said they were even, and even smiling at her.

This girl really knew what to say, and as her watery, crimson eye closed slowly, she swallowed hard and took a slow, shaky breath, nodding back at Mai, knowing she spoke only the truth, no matter how hard it was to hear. “S-Sorry… youâ€re right. I-I didnâ€t mean to be like…. Ah Hell… nevermind, I really need to stop apologizing.” A weak little chuckle came through Seraphim, as she managed to wipe away any remnants of tears in her single right eye, and she took another little breath, trying to clear her senses as she once again listened to Mai. There she went on using her loss and humiliation again as an example, and that name Drake was mentioned too, making Seraphim wonder a little what this was all about, and curious more about just who Mai was as a person. She.. wanted to know more about the girl. Even though she had said otherwise by trying to act tough, Seraphim wanted to see her as not just an acquaintance, …but a friend.

“Heh… I-Iâ€m glad I could help some.” Her tone was just a little shaky still, but overall was starting to recover, as her pained little smile at the corner of her lips became more genuine, and she nodded slowly, having no idea that Mai was going through so much trouble herself. The white-haired girl leaned forward in her chair a little, looking down at Mai who say on the floor before her, amused by how childish it actually looked coming from her, and wondering why she was blushing, but Seraphim would keep her promise on treating Mai as more of an adult. She had to ask something too though, thinking that maybe itâ€s time they learned a little about eachother, maybe it was best to be open and honest with this girl.. but it was her turn first. “So… tell me, whoâ€s this Drake guy? Boyfriend or something? And whatâ€s this about a loss against some Xia chic?” Seraphimâ€s once watery eye and faint smile became a more dangerous little smirk, that cocky look that Seraphim had in the ring coming back for just a moment, her spirits coming to her at the thought of another fight, even though she was only half joking. “Do I need to kick someoneâ€s ass for you?”

Mai chuckled at Seraphim's cuteness. She was probably a normal woman with normal feelings who might even be the slightest bit girly and yet, because she had lived such a tough life or built up such big walls, when that sort of emotion came out it came out in a more dramatic way. It's not like Mai thought she was a big baby. "It's ok." She said. "But yeah...There's only one reason to apologize to someone. If you did something wrong and didn't mean it and feel bad about it. If you didn't do anything wrong then there's no need. And..." Mai paused and wrinkled her nose. "If you don't feel bad or meant to do it then what's the point of sorry?" She looked at Seraphim. "Not that I think that's you, alright? Just... don't go through life thinking that everything you do is hurting someone just because you may have done it in the past. Not everyone is made of glass you don't have to constantly walk on eggshells. Especially with me."

Mai turned and smiled at Seraphim. "Me too. I'm glad I could help a little too. I make a living off of making people smile so it hurts when I can't bring out those cheerful emotions in people. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough to do my job."

Mai's eyes then widened at Seraphim's mention of Drake. "Ah, Drake? Boyfriend!? Eww! Hah! I bet he'd love the idea and he's a sweetie and a charmer but ew. Not in a million years. Thomas Drake... He's my agent and manager. Wrestling isn't my profession. It's merely a small part of what I do." She then furrowed her brow. "Not that I don't take it seriously! When Mai Nagasawa does something, she does it with everything she has!" She flashed a grin and hopped up again, wincing as she cringed at the soreness. "Darnit..." She muttered. "I'm so used to being able to hop around ... This soreness is really cramping my style."

She then turned and looked at Seraphim. "You've never heard of Mecha-Neko Mai?" She adjusted her ears perfectly and slid her hand down her body, pulling her breast down as it bounced back into place. She then threw out her hand in a V sign and winking at Seraphim. "I'm the Otaku Queen! Aside from wrestling I'm also a Voice Actress, A Singer and teeechnically a flight attendant! I am at Conventions and tours when I'm not int he ring wrestling. Heck." She said trying not to sound boastful. "They even have my picture on a plane somewhere.' She kind of muttered that last bit as she blushed. "Um..." She said looking at Seraphim. "But... none of that really matters ok?" She said smiling brightly. "You wouldn't know if I didn't tell you and I'm fine with that. Honestly it's kind of nice not being recognized sometimes." She reiterated. "It's not the Mai you know... umm... just like that whole Swedish thing you got going." She said as she stuck her tongue out at Seraphim. "Well.. I guess you know that me a little bit. The match and all."

Mai then sat on the bed. "But that match... with Da Xia? It was the match before my match with you. Da Xia is a newbie just like me. She's not very talented but she managed to get me in a humiliation match. I could handle her mostly. But she managed to get a real cheap shot off on me and stole my ears. I... I.." She looked at Seraphim. "You have to understand something..." She pointed to the ears that were on her head. "I've never been seen in public without these on. Never... it's what made me who I am. It's so bad that I still feel uncomfortable with them off. I sleep with them... sometimes I even shower with them.." Mai blushed. "It's... just a part of who I am. So .. I felt ... I felt raped." She clenched her fists and turned her head. "T-that bitch... she raped me int he middle of all my fans, everyone who has built me up. It was so crushing. I hid. I ran away. i cut myself off from the world. I felt so ashamed and disgusted with myself. It was painful." Tears started to flow from Mai's cheeks. She wiped them away but they kept coming.

"I..." She looked up at Seraphim. "It felt like my whole life was being ripped from me." Mai sucked in a deep breath and shook her head. "But... I.. with the help of friends... I got through it." She smiled weakly at Seraphim. "Da Xia's my problem... I appreciate the offer but nothing will get solved if I don't deal with her myself. I hope you can understand that. But... thank you." She said smiling a little more.

In the back of Seraphimâ€s mind, a part of her knew that. She was more than well aware that it was foolish to keep apologizing when she had nothing to be sorry for. But as Mai pointed out, she was treating people like they were glass and walking on eggshells with everything she did outside of the ring. It was hard to treat things any other way after everything she had done. Lies, pain, betrayal, sins, …death. It was hard to live a normal life with such a burden on your shoulders and so much on your conscious, but Maiâ€s words were really becoming an eye opener for her. Even if Seraphim didnâ€t want to hear it at first, feeling like it was almost awkward for her to be talking this much to someone she didnâ€t know too well yet, Seraphim did feel rather thankful about it, even if she never said it. The two had there share of problems, and talking about it this way really was turning it around for the girl, making her feel more comfortable in Maiâ€s presence. Heck, she even seemed to mention that it felt like it was her job. Heh… it was like the girl was put on this world to brighten it, and Seraphim was just one of the few lucky people to get the more personal treatment.

Her smile was slowly growing to something more genuine the more she heard, thinking about just how much she was actually starting to like them sharing this kind of bond, like the two just naturally felt this comfortable around one another. In fact, the girl chuckled a little at Maiâ€s reaction, bringing a hand to her pale lips and glowing a little in the cheeks as she watched how adorable the girl looked when she reacted in surprise to the comment about Drake. Manager though, eh? Why did that sound familiar… didnâ€t she know someone else with a manager by that name? Ah well, maybe she was just imagining things. Either way, she was impressed to hear what the girl had to say. Not just about how she was so dedicated, and gave everything her best, but when she told Seraphim about all of her work.

“I… Iâ€m impressed. You werenâ€t kidding when you said youâ€re dedicated.” Seraphim blinked a few times as she said that, her voice much calmer and collected, even faintly higher in pitch and gentler now, like a gentle-hearted young woman with the faintest hint of Swedish in her accent, and not the lower, self-hating, depressed tone she carried on before. Instead, the smile was there still, and she put her hands on her hips with a raised brow when she was winked at like that. Mai even seemed to tease a little, as Seraphimâ€s crimson eye briefly focused on the girlâ€s bountiful breast that bounced slightly, but the girl kept herself collected, despite how enticing it was. Mai was a Hell of a thing of beauty, that was for sure, but Seraphim couldnâ€t just say that to her face. “Must be tough to be so famous, not much time for yourself and all.” Seraphim briefly had been in a period like that thanks to the AFW itself, she was known to being an idol for all women who wanted to wrestle, not just over the nation, but perhaps she could have grown into something greater. But that all came crashing down, and Seraphim had to admit, the one thing she wouldnâ€t miss was being recognized all the time… she still got that, only now people saw her as a failure, no one knowing the true story.

But something Mai said really stuck out to her. She actually swore to Da Xiaâ€s name, truly holding a hatred for her. The girl explained how important the ears were too her, and Seraphim looked at her somewhat in shock, but also in concern and understanding. Her crimson eye gazed right at her, taking a slow breath and hearing what she had to say. She didnâ€t judge Mai though. In fact, the white-haired vixen got up from her seat as Mai started to thank her through a few tears that came down Maiâ€s cheeks, and Seraphim couldnâ€t help herself with what she did next. At first, she reached out to rub her hand through Maiâ€s hair again. However, she went to the ears, and adjusted them ever so slightly on Maiâ€s head, almost like she was scratching the girl behind the cute cat-ears, smirking a tender little smile to the shorter girl. And then, her hand drifted down to Maiâ€s shoulder, looking the girl right in the eye. Her crimson orb softened a little as it gazed into those hazel eyes, and her smile only grew a little more, a comforting look on her as she stood right before Mai, looking at the girl in understanding, and most of all, respect as she spoke with those feelings in her tone. “I donâ€t think thereâ€s anything wrong with that. Itâ€s what makes you who you are. And I like that Mai, the one whoâ€s true to herself. ..Besides, youâ€re cuter like that.” It was funny… Mai was helping Seraphim pull herself through this slump so much, and yet even though deep down, there were still so many demons haunting Seraphim, she still found the strength to try guiding the girl too, all because of her own efforts before. She even had the faintest hue of red in her cheeks after making that cute comment to her, but she moved on through it, her smile never fading during their talk now thanks to her.. “You donâ€t need to thank me though, I.. already consider you a friend. Even if I canâ€t help much myself, Iâ€ll try to be here for you when you need it, okay?”

Mai was happy too see a part of Seraphim begin to bloom. She liked genuine smiles, not forced or faked ones and she was glad the two of them could open up a little more. Despite her tears, which were more ones of uncontrolled emotion than sadness or regret. She was ashamed she had been taken so advantage of but Da Xia who was nothing more than a little pest. A brat who managed to catch Mai off guard. But when she heard Seraphim's words, she perked up. "Y-yeah..." She said. "Sometimes it's harder work being an Idol than it is being a wrestler." She blushed a little bit and turned her head. "Actually... That's kind of why I got back into wrestling. It was almost like a little break from constantly being on the road. Plus, it helped me with my career too so it's like a bonus!" She then grinned. "Not to mention all of my friends are here too. Yuuki-San and Mutoh-San." She smiled. "Heck, it's like a whole Idol party!" She chuckled a bit at her words.

Mai looked away sheepishly. "Well.. yeah it's kind of tough. But I'm a little used to it. I chose this life and I'm happy to have it. But it can be a bit vexing waking up in a new city each day and not really knowing when you'll get to be home. Heck. I don't even really know where my actual home is. I've been staying in hotel rooms for so long I am not one hundred percent on if I even own a home or not, eheh..."

By the time Seraphim stood up, Mai's tears had stopped flowing but they were still streaking down the sides of her face. Her eyes lifted up as Seraphim brought her hand up. She wasn't going to keep Seraphim from petting her this time but the white haired girl instead adjusted and played with her ears. Mai smiled and purred a little as she wiggled her butt."Ahh..." She said and turned her head. "My tail..." Mai blushed deeply. "I need that too..." She then turned back to Seraphim. "Ah... thanks." She said bowing slightly. "I think you're cute too. It's the tough guy act." She said winking. She then grinned. "Oh... I 'm glad you think that way. I think so too." She said holding out her hand for Seraphim to shake."

The girl was adorable, it was as plain and simple as that. It was a bit revitalizing to be around her, and it calmed Seraphimâ€s nerve the more she was here. Her burdens and heavy conscious would take a long time to truly uplift, but thanks to the girlâ€s efforts and simply having someone so cheerful around like this, it was certainly helping a lot quicker. Mai knew all of the right things to say, and she sounded very genuine with all of her words, so it really helped put things into a better perspective for Seraphim. At the moment, she just liked keeping close like this and talking, the two bonding over their talk, learning more about eachother. Personally, Seraphim was glad she didnâ€t have to admit much about herself yet. When she came to truly trusting someone, sheâ€d start to admit more about herself, but for now, she wanted to keep a limit between her and Mai to some point, even if she was already growing to trust the girl some.

Some of the things she told Seraphim did sadden the girl a little though. The way she said she was always on the road, the way she claimed she didnâ€t even really have much of a home at all and didnâ€t know, but at least she could smile about it, thinking of it as a party. Though something among her words threw Seraphim off, a name she said. Mutoh… ‘It couldnâ€t be…â€

Maiâ€s words seemed to trail off a little after that. The girl before her may have been cute, and normally, Seraphim may have even been a little enticed at the wink and the kind comment of how Mai thought she was cute too if she didnâ€t try acting so tough, but a lot of it seemed to fade away pretty quickly. Seraphim pulled her hand away from the top of Maiâ€s head by her ears, and rather than putting her own hand out to shake her hand with Maiâ€s, the girl instead looked at Mai almost accusingly. Her crimson eye narrowed, and her tone darkened a little, tensing up as her hands were now in fists, and she asked a question with a serious tone and aura about her, really wanting the truth to be said. “Mai.. you said Mutoh.” Seraphim said flatly, ignoring just about everything else in their talk just now, as she jumped right to the heart of one thing she heard, something that ached her own heart just to think about. “You donâ€t mean Megumi Mutoh, do you?”

Mai was caught off guard by Seraphim's sudden change in mood. She glanced away as the girl tensed up, clenching her fists and looking angrily at Mai. The neko girl didn't know what she had done to earn such ire from Seraphim but idn't like what she saw. It wasn't until Seraphim finally growled out her response that the situation became a little clearer, marginally so. "Um... err... yeah?" Mai said with a confused tone. "Mutoh-San... Megumi Mutoh... She's my friend. Everyone in Eclipse is." Mai looked around nervously. She didn't know what Megumi could have done to earn such ire from Seraphim but Mai tried to diffuse the situation a bit by changing the nature of the subject at hand.

"I mean... We're Idols.. birds of a feather, right?" She shifted nervously. "Mutoh-San... maybe not as much as Yuuki-San." Mai then blushed at the thought. Chigusa was more than a friend to her. She was her senpai, she was her rival and they had been lovers too. Mai had a deep crush fro Chigusa but even though they had made love on numerous occasions, she knew that a deep and fulfilling relationship would be nearly impossible despite how badly she wanted it. Chigusa was too tied down to Megumi. Even though they both played around, they were sort of a couple.

Suddenly Mai's eyes widened. "Eh.. EHHH!?" She said and pointed at Seraphim. Even though they both played around... It suddenly hit her. "Wait a minute!?" She exclaimed. "You don't mean You and... Mutoh-San... umm.." She wrinkled her eyebrow in confusion at Seraphim. Everything seemed to make sense. "Oh yeah..." She said quietly. Now that she thought about it she thought she remembered hearing something to that effect from Chigusa. Mai wasn't in the league yet when those things happened but once she had gotten back in contact with Chigusa there were times when they would gossip. "Oh... Seraphim-San." Mai said, turning her gaze. She was a little nervous now. It's not like SHE had done anything but Seraphim seemed determined to unleash some kind of rage upon the closest person for merely mentioning Megumi's name. Mai hoped that Seraphim had enough presence of mind not to make her a scapegoat.

It certainly made a lot more sense now. Eclipse was something Seraphim was very fond of. She liked the group as a whole, and although she hadnâ€t met all of the members, and was only most attached to Megumi then, Seraphim had elected the idea of White Gale even having Eclipse pair up with them, allies in the AFW. But Megumi ruined that, she ruined so much in Seraphimâ€s life, and now the name only brought hatred in her, a kind of feeling she just never got over, her fists visibly clenched and her crimson eye still in a glare as it was more than obvious just how her feelings were harbored towards the idol.

The name Yuuki upset her too. Seraphim knew that was the girl Megumi was with. That was the person Megumi truly had her heart too, and used Seraphim over. But she didnâ€t blame the girl herself. Everyone else in Eclipse she didnâ€t hold a personal grudge against. They may not have even known much about it. Megumi may have mentioned Seraphim from time to time, and it was because of her that Seraphim had changed so much. But now, after all was said and done, the girl meant nothing but garbage to Seraphim, and she still didnâ€t know what she would do if she saw Megumi again.

And that was when Mai seemed to get the idea. The girl looked a little mousy and even worried about Seraphim, as if… she thought she might hurt her. A part of Seraphim did want to lash out and just hit someone. Even if she had tried so hard to be a better person, violence still always became the quickest solution for her to find some peace of mind, she fixed confusion and anger with destruction, and nine out of ten times it worked. But Mai…

Seraphimâ€s fist was raised, and for a moment, it looked like she really was going to slam it into Mai, just to lash out and hit someone. But with her fist high those few seconds, her hand started to tremble, looking down at the cute, cat-eared girl before her, and she took a long, shaky exhale, before stopping. Slowly her arm fell back down to her side, the tense fist releasing into an open palm, and Seraphim just took a step backwards, dropping herself onto the hospital bed Mai was in, sitting up on it as she heaved a long sigh. “Megumi Mutohâ€s a horrible person.” Seraphim finally said, her words sounding like they had a grudge, but mixed more with pain than anger now, as Seraphim looked down at the floor, and put her face in one hand, covering her forehead and eye, and making her eyepatch a little crooked.

“Itâ€s because of her that so much went wrong with my life. My Post Traumatic Stress acted up because of her. She revealed to everyone the ugly thing Iâ€ve got beneath this patch. She insulted my history, my persona, the very foundation of who I was. And she exposed me for a villain, she made me truly hated…” Seraphimâ€s words were harsh, beginning to expose the girl for who she was as Seraphim sat there, head still in her hands. But her voice got a little softer, taking another little sigh as she shook her head some, forcing a feeble smile as she tried to remember the good parts too. “But that made me stronger I guess… I made White Gale because of her. I went from being a Heel to a Face, and started to protect people in the ring. I even got stabbed and cut a few times to save Megumi from a sword-wielding psycho. I had made myself a better person, protecting those from Heel organizations like the Era of Hell, ..I didnâ€t want people to suffer. Megumi and I… we grew feelings for eachother.” And then, Seraphimâ€s slightly hopeful tone grew bitter again, pulling her hand from her forehead and turning her head to the side, a look of disgust in her as she explained, revealing it all to Mai. “It was because of her I made so much sacrifice and tried to turn my life around. I told her I loved her so many times, and she went with it. She never tried to tell me about Chigusa. Heh… that is, until the bitch waited for me to do all of these nice things to her, the day I decided I might break my vow of chastity for someone I thought I truly loved, she broke the news. She said ‘I love you, but I canâ€t be in love with you.” Seraphim actually spat at those words, hacking off to the corner of the wall. But then, she slowly lifted her legs from the floor, pulling her legs and onto the bed and closer to herself. Suddenly hugging her knees and closing her eyes some, curled up and lost in a moment of thought, the rage disappearing for nothing short of disappointment and sadness. “She never told me until I did so much for her. I practically dedicated my whole body and soul to that girl, I changed so much… all for her. And in the end, she just used me and broke my heart into a thousand pieces…”

Mai watched as Seraphim seemed to grow angrier, even going so far as to lift her fist. In that act of blind rage, Mai's face changed from fear at Seraphim's possible outburst to anger at her reaction. The fear had come from the thought that Seraphim wouldn't actually go through with it. The unknown possibility of what could be startled the idol. But the raised fist and the angry glare made Seraphim seem childish and Mai furrowed her brow in distaste at the white haired girl's choice of action. She was about to say something when Seraphim suddenly stopped and, seemingly, realized what she was about to do.

And then those words came. “Megumi Mutohâ€s a horrible person.” Mai couldn't believe something like that. But for now she wouldn't protest. Seraphim seemed to begin to explain herself and Mai quietly listened. As Seraphim hugged her knees up close and finally seemed to finish, Mai lifted up her hand and patted Seraphim's back. She ran her fingers up and down Seraphim's spine, half scratching it before flattening her palm and rubbing Seraphim's back. She was trying to comfort Seraphim with a simple gesture but she didn't know how well it was working. As she did that, she took a moment to think about the words that Seraphim was saying and she smiled warmly at her. "Oh, Seraphim-san." She said in a soft voice. "Relationships are... a complicated thing." She wrinkled her brow for a moment. "That relationship in particular is... even more so.' Mai turned her head. "I don't think that Mutoh-San was leading you on. I'll bet that she had feelings for you just as well. But... you see..." Mai was trying to pick her words carefully. "Her and Yuuki-san... well... They seem like they were made for each other and... they don't always know it." Mai sighed deeply as she pulled her hand away from Seraphim's back. "I know that better than anyone." Mai's cheeks became a deep red. "Yuuki-San and I... we've spent a lot of time together. I consider her my senpai and probably my best friend." Mai turned her head. "Considering I am probably not her best friend, that makes things a little difficult. I understand though. The world of an Idol doesn't give someone that kind of time and she spends most of hers with Mutoh-San. Well... I don't just like her in that way... C-Chi-chan and I... we've made love a few times." Mai was shaking a bit now. "I... I always hope for something more and sometimes it seems like the possibility is very real but in the end she always goes back to Mutoh-San. We have our fun, we're still friends. But she goes on tour or I have a convention and we loose track. Her and Mutoh-San are always together and often their feelings for each other are rekindled. I... I don't blame them." Mai sighed deeply again before looking at Seraphim.

"I bet Mutoh-San had feelings for you. Most likely you caught her at a point when she and Yuuki-san were fighting or had grown distant. Maybe she was scared that she might have true feelings for you that were more powerful than the ones she had for Yuuki-San. Maybe some outside force had brought the two back together and their feelings were reaffirmed. I don't know..." Mai looked away. "Feelings are complicated... especially in this sort of business. When you have to spend all your time fending off people who are fake and only want you for your money or fame or looks... it's hard to trust people." Mai looked up. "I'm not excusing her... but... " Mai tried to smile warmly again and lifted her hand up and placed it on Seraphim's head and ruffled her hair a bit. "It's hard to for someone like myself or Mutoh-San to have the kind of innocent naivety that you do when it comes to matters of the heart." Mai then pulled her hand away from Seraphim. "It's refreshing, Seraphim-San." She then lifted up her finger and pressed it to her lips in thought. "I guess... it sort of makes sense. With everything you had to go through, that was the one place you had left. You could keep your heart pure even if you believed the rest of you was not. I wish I could think that way. So black and white when it came to matters of the heart."

Mai folded her hands under her chest. "And... look at all that came from it. You became a better person. Ah... but I don't think that people can change for the sake of others. They have to change for themselves. People do what they want and no one can make them do otherwise if they're stubborn. Maybe Megumi was just the catalyst that helped you decide you wanted to be a different person. It's not like you went back once things went sour. You're still good and kind and it seems like you still have that innocence in your heart. you're still making real effort to change and that's all in the past. So are you sure you changed for her?" Mai said as she looked at Seraphim with a smile, winking at her.

When all was said and done, Seraphim seemed to drift a little with herself, not quite sure what else to say after that. She knew it was probably a bit extreme to say that, but it was the truth. The girl didnâ€t want to upset her new friend too much, or make her think that she was the kind to hold a grudge, but she had to say it, a part of her wanted to make Mai realize that she was hanging out with the wrong crowd, or at least Megumi was someone she shouldnâ€t be around, wanting to prevent her from getting hurt too. To the world, they saw Megumi as an idol, someone to adore and look up to. But Seraphim felt like she knew the truth, and wanted it to be known, she only had a few people with these feelings she held to, and Megumi was one of them.

After she said her peace though, Seraphim sat there on the bed, her keens still pulled up to herself, that distant look in her eye again, looking more like a grumpy child than anything, as her white locks of hair fell forward over her face a little, and she didnâ€t do anything to fix it. But Mai stood by her side. Even if she didnâ€t agree with it, Mai approached Seraphim, and rather than blindly defending Megumi, she tried to understand the girlâ€s case. There was that gentle patting along her back at first, which made Seraphim blink for a moment, somewhat confused as to why she would do that. She really thought Mai would be against what she said. But instead, Seraphim felt comfort and understanding, easing up a little as she felt Maiâ€s hand rubbing along her back. In fact, there was the slightest shiver as it crept down her spine, hitting a spot that tickled Seraphimâ€s senses some, and eased her even more, her hands once wrapped around her knees instead resting on the edge of the bed now, knees still pulled up, but her body relaxing at the tender touch.

Mai then went on to explain it all. How complicated relationships are, how she didnâ€t believe that to be Megumiâ€s intention, and even about her relationship with Yuuki. At first, she wanted to say something about Megumi, refusing to believe it, but when she heard the girl mention just how close she was to the other girl, and that Mai and Yuuki were rather intimate even though there was no true love, Seraphim even blushed a little, looking off to the side, blinking a few times and having a somewhat mousy expression after that. What could she really say? Seraphim didnâ€t find it wrong really, but it was certainly… awkward. She wasnâ€t going to judge Mai though, even if she did think that a person should only be romantic with another if there were feelings really there.

“Why do you do that… if you know sheâ€s got her heart dedicated to another person?” Seraphim suddenly went to ask. She took everything else Mai had to say with a grain of salt. Maybe she was right, maybe it did help her become a better individual as a proper side-effect. Maybe Seraphim did see things a bit more in black and white. And perhaps there was a good reason for all of this, but Seraphim couldnâ€t help but find a few things about this to bother her.

“And please… I know you mean well with your words, but I didnâ€t become any better. Iâ€ve messed up on too much that itâ€s all been reversed. I fucked everything up.” A little stress came on her swear as she said that, once again looking off to the side. She appreciated having Mai this close to her, but it was so difficult to talk about these things face to face with another person. She liked it, but all of this… it was messing with Seraphimâ€s head a little, and she didnâ€t really care for every part. Not to mention she couldnâ€t help but wonder why Mai would do something with Yuuki like that, if a relationship was pretty much impossible. It bothered her a little…

Mai turned her head a little and blushed. "I'm... not a slut, ok?" She wasn't being harsh with Seraphim she just wanted to make sure they were clear on a point. But then she was silent for a moment. "well..." She said softly, hesitantly. "As far as Yuuki-san goes...." Mai wasn't quite sure how to explain things to Seraphim. She felt like a mother trying to explain the birds and the bees to her daughter. "Chi-chan and I have a special bond. I care for her and she cares for me. Maybe it's not a relationship like I would want but... when you explore your feelings both mentally and ... physically... you strengthen that bond. You become more familiar with that person and you can appreciate each other more. You see... When you touch someone you care about in a special way it feels better. There's more to it than just... well just fucking." Mai's face was beet red and she stood up. She couldn't be that close to Seraphim anymore and she plopped herself down in the chair where Seraphim was sitting before.

"Ok... I'm.. I'm reaaalllly not a slut..." She tried to emphasize the point. "But... I have done... some things... with... some people..." Mai didn't really want to get into it. "And let's just say... It was completely different with Chi-chan than it was with those other... people." Mai sighed heavily. "This isn't fair." She said looking up. "You're making me feel like I'm some horrible person." She fidgeted with her toes. "It's not like I'm a slut, ok?" She repeated again looking at Seraphim. "But... I... uh... well.. My body is my temple... But... even temples can can loose their magic if you don't let people come visit every now and again..." Mai was feeling very uneasy now. She felt like she wasn't good enough to be around Seraphim who took such a pure attitude towards her own body. She admired Seraphim's dedication and yet didn't see anything wrong with how she lived. Still, it was the fact that Seraphim might look down on her that made her uncomfortable.

Mai stood up again and looked at Seraphim, eager to try and change the subject. "Don't say that.' She said. "Seriously." She paused and looked at Seraphim thoughtfully. "If things were supposed to stay the same forever then why would we have clocks? Why would we age? Why would we even have calenders." Mai furrowed her brow. This kind of deep thinking didn't do so well for her Idol-sized brain. "Well, aside from all that. What are you looking for? A moment that you can freeze in time? Things change. Things... happen. If you spend too much time thinking about what happened that you can't fix, then you'll miss out on what's going on. If you can't fix something and you acknowledge you can't fix it then what's the point of continuing to fret over it? I mean.. you're here right now. You've got new opportunities and a chance to make something new. Your future hasn't been written yet. How is that not a better situation than you were in before?" Mai tilted her head. It was a better situation to be able to have a clean slate and not be held down by anything wasn't it? She could be in jail or dead. That would be worse for sure. Mai then turned her head blushing. 'Whatever happened... even if you say things like your heart got broken... you didn't LOOSE it... there's not a hole there... so that's good. A broken heart... can be mended even if it takes a lot of time and feels like the worst thing ever. It takes a lot more courage to move forward in the face of adversity than it does to just get swallowed up by it. I know that much at least..."