Hopeless confusion, helpless love

(Theme song for the post~ 8D https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GECvsV6AxKI)

Damnit she hated this place… It reeked of piss, sweat, blood, and the pathetic cover-up over it with bleach and 409. It reminded her of a ‘special†place she was in for quite a few years in her life; a prison. The only difference that the walls were a dull snow white, and instead of the people here being insane and locked up, you had injured people crying in pain. You might as well just put up bars and shackles here.

The medical bay was never a place Seraphim Harmonia was fond if, and she didnâ€t plan to stay here for very long. She had come here right after her match with Mai Nagasawa, having carried the unconscious girl here over her back, wanting to be sure the brown haired neko girl she grew attached to had received the best care possible. Seraphim not only felt like it was the right thing to do despite how much she was hurting herself, but she also had a strange fondness to this girl that she couldnâ€t describe, caring about her in a way as she refused to just let the match end like that. She wanted to talk to her at least, feeling like maybe… she had been making a friend out of all this. Ever since she left the AFW again -not voluntarily either- Seraphim felt like almost everyone she ever called a friend was gone, and now.. she was making a kind of fresh start. She didnâ€t dare face Tracy again, knowing that the girl probably blamed her for Alisonâ€s death. Sindel, Shairaya, and Minerva all felt like people she had failed now, Megumi betrayed her trust and love, Masane probably held a grudge against her, and Karina…

“Fuck…” The girl let her thoughts drift as she billowed out a long stream of smoke just now through the window. Seraphim was in one of the rooms right now, but she made sure the window was open, and she blew it strait out as the cigarette rested between her lips. She had come here with Mai for about an hour now. And she opted out to wearing a patient gown, instead just grabbing some simple, ragged cloths from her locker. Not in shades of black for once, as she had loose blue jeans with holes in the knees, a simple black belt to keep it up, and a baggy white t-shirt to keep her comfortable. Of course, she had a thick bandage wrapped around her forehead like a headband, a few bandages along her arms and torso, and had been sitting down this whole time since her legs were still aching, taking the stool to be just outside the window. Briefly adjusting her black, leather eyepatch, as the girlâ€s feather-white hair was still wet from taking a quick shower, her body smelling faintly of strawberry from it, she looked back at Mai, and for a moment, all the memories that were aching in her mind faded briefly.

Seraphim found it odd at first. When she brought Mai here, the girl had been given special treatment, like she was a celebrity or something. And rather than going into one of the rooms where numerous patients were laid out to rest, wrestlers going in and out of here all the time, Mai had been given her own room, one that Seraphim stayed in as well, wresting on her own accord by the window with her cigarette. She wondered though, the way she kept talking out to her fans, the crowd loving everything about her, the special treatment here, Seraphim had a sneaking suspicion about the girlâ€s status in society, but she felt she could ask later, not finding it too imperative right now. For the moment, Seraphim just needed time to think to herself about everything that had happened, staring out the window as she took a slow, bitter drag on her cigarette. Why was she even here? Not the clinic here, but the AFW itself? Why did she come back…? She knew that she wouldnâ€t be welcomed here, she knew that everyone she cared about before would ignore her, and she knew that White Gale probably crumbled since she faded out for awhile. Alison was dead, people hated her, and she felt like nothing but a ghost in the ring. Mai helped show her that there was still good in the AFW, and that people like the Era of Hell and other Heel organizations hadnâ€t taken over yet, but it felt like none of it even mattered. Seraphim learned the hard way that one person… they truly didnâ€t make a damn of a difference. “Iâ€ve been such a fool to think I could…”

"Could what?"

Mai had finally woken up from her slumber. Her body ached and she winced as she adjusted in bed. She took a quick glance around, noticing her hospital gown and the surrounding equipment and room. "Get away with smoking in the clinic?" Mai put on a smile so when Seraphim turned around she was see Mai grinning. Mai didn't know how long she was out. It could have been minutes or hours or days. It felt like forever. She reached up and touched her throbbing forehead. It was bandaged up. She hadn't taken it as bad as Seraphim had but that last headbutt had cut her a little.

She then lifted up her hospital gown and wrinkled her nose as she looked over her body. "Ugh..." There were bruises everywhere. "Drake's gonna kill me for this." She flopped back against the hospital bed and let out a sigh. She then looked back up to Seraphim and smiled a little wider. "Thank you for staying with me Seraphim-san." She said with genuine gratitude. "You didn't need to though. I'm fine really. I just need a long bath and a good night's sleep." She then turned her head a a little and chuckled to herself. "Maybe a few days of rest." She then turned back to Seraphim. "But thank you. How are you holding up?" She said and lifted up her finger and wagged it at Seraphim. "And don't tell me you're fine!" She scolded Seraphim cutely, furrowing her brow at Seraphim cutely. "I do have some pride you know. You have to be aching just as much as me, even if you're trying to hide it."

Mai closed her eyes and let out a sigh. "That was a good match. I needed that. I wish I would have won... but I'll never be satisfied with anything less than being number one. I guess I had forgotten about that drive." She opened her mouth and smiled. "So thank you again." She turned her head and blushed slightly. "I'm going to end up owing you too much if I keep this up. But [size=85:33ccm26m]... the match was nice too.." She tried to say that last part quietly so Seraphim wouldn't hear even though she was talking right to the white haired girl. Her cheeks reddened a bit before her eyes suddenly widened. "Oh!" She exclaimed and patted the top of her head. Her ears were still there and she sighed suddenly. "M-maybe I've learned not to be so concerned with them... but that doesn't mean they aren't still a part of me... I.. just won't die if they are removed!" She tried explaining to Seraphim.

Right now, the cigarette was about the only thing that kept Seraphim at peace right now. The match certainly was something she wouldnâ€t forget, but it only gave Seraphim a temporary fix to her mood, cheering her up for the moment. However, now that she had time to be absent and alone in her thoughts, all of the mental trauma was coming back to Seraphim, her crimson eye looking rather hallow as she stared off distantly through the window, taking a slow, much-needed drag upon her cigarette. That taste of nicotine was better than sex right now, it was what kept her mind practically intact at the moment, as she let the addictive stick between her lips calm her nerves.

And then, thatâ€s when she heard Mai speak, catching the girl off guard, as she blinked her crimson eye a few times, and slowly turned around, noticing that Mai had finally come too. It was a bit of a relief to Seraphim, already hearing from her tone that she was going to be okay, but Seraphim didnâ€t smile at all, just letting the white-stick remain between her lips, as she took a long, slow breath, hearing what the girl had to say. Drake? That was the first thing that Seraphim caught, as the girl gave a slightly delayed nod about the cigarette, keeping rather quiet at first, as if she didnâ€t know what to say. Maiâ€s antics were amusing, even enlightening a little to the mood. But Seraphimâ€s own mind was her worst enemy right now, as she just took another breath, wondering why that name sounded familiar, before she finally nodded at the girl for her gratitude. “Hey… donâ€t mention it. I do it for people who earn my respect, for people I… care about.” With that, she let her head turn aside some, breaking eye contact with Mai, before she took another drag on her cigarette, really feeling like she needed it still now, almost sighing into the puff she took, blowing it out the window so it didnâ€t fill the clinic. Running one hand through her white locks, a gentle gust of wind went by, causing her hair to flutter elegantly for a moment, revealing a strangely calm and tame side to the pale, crimson-eyed vixen, almost coming off as a broken warrior right now, again just answering with a simple nod, and a strait forward sentence, a hallow absence to any positive emotions. “Iâ€m alright… the pain lets me know Iâ€m alive. You really worked me over… Iâ€m just more used to it than you.” Her words seemed to carry on for that part, her words drifting off with the wind, as she thought about the countless times she felt this beaten up, but with her mental state, it was even worse.

Maiâ€s charm may have normally worked on her, but at this moment, even after she was blushing a little and mentioned other parts of there match, Seraphim just shook her head, really not sure what to say about this. In fact, it almost made it seem like Mai was talking to a wall, Seraphimâ€s usually social personality long since dead ever since she came back. She still would want to see Mai keep that promise about her being the person Seraphim wanted to be beaten by, but for now, Seraphim just felt… too empty to be here. “You donâ€t owe me anything though, Iâ€m just.. glad I can help I guess.” With that said, her tone distant, Seraphim flicked her half-burnt out cigarette through the window, and got up on two shaky legs. Not even sparing a glance to Mai, she started to step forward, and.. then right past the bed, as if she was leaving. “Well… now that I know youâ€re fine, Iâ€ll be leaving, alright?” Just like that, Seraphim made her intentions known, realizing she might be better off alone right now. At least, that was how she felt, not aware how stubborn she was being about it and beating herself up. Now was Maiâ€s chance to stop her from leaving, as Seraphim grabbed her pile of still somewhat sweaty cloths from the match two hours ago, and was about to leave for the door in silence.

Mai was slightly taken aback by Seraphim's response. She seemed vibrant in the ring and here she seemed despondent and distant. Why though? Mai didn't understand. Mai just wanted Seraphim to say something, to respond in anyway but when it came, she was shocked. Her eyes widened at Seraphim's words. She was glad Seraphim turned her head. Care... about? She questioned seriously. How could Seraphim say something like that. Sure they shared something in the ring, but were they feelings or just acts of desperation in order to win a match? Mai didn't know. Mai didn't like to think she would do something like that if she didn't at least have some meaning behind it. But before Mai could react, Seraphim was speaking strangely. What was she saying about pain keeping her alive? And that she was used to it? Mai furrowed her brow in confusion and part annoyance.

As she thought about it, Seraphim was already off her seat and walking out the door. And with more sluggish and thoughtless words. Who was this woman that was about to walk past her? It wasn't the girl who she fought with a few hours ago. Mai wrinkled her nose and reached her hand out and grabbed Seraphim's wrist and held her. The cat eared girl turned her head away from Seraphim as she held her in place in silent for a long moment. "Maybe... you don't owe me something but it's only because by the time you leave, we'll be even." She looked down at the blanket that fell over her body. "It's just the two of us. There's no reason to act so tough." She paused. "No, that's wrong. You're not acting at all. You're doing a horrible job." She turned her head and looked up at Seraphim. "So tell me what's wrong. And if you say nothing..." Mai smiled quickly at Seraphim. "I'll kick your butt." Mai then shook her head. "Or... at least stop thinking I'm so weak. I'm not made of glass. I've had plenty of experience dealing with pain. It's not like that was my first match." Mai painted softly and kept a grasp firmly on Seraphim's arm. "Besides. Who do you think you are, walking out like that after saying you cared for me. So casually too!"

Mai turned her body and pushed herself up out of the bed. Her knees quivered for a moment before she stabilized herself, the back of her gown exposing her back and butt a bit. "How can you be sure about that?" She questioned, looking at Seraphim's shoulder. "We're... basically strangers..." Mai turned her head. She had been confessed to more times than she could count. By more people and in more ways than she even thought possible. So for someone to say they cared was something she was used to. But Mai rarely had the opportunity to face someone like that. "I... I'm not denying it." She said before letting Seraphim's arm go. "So don't think that. I'm not saying... well.. I don't know what I'm saying. I don't know what happened between us." Mai closed her eyes. "But I can't let you go just like that." She said finally, sighing as she twirled some of her long brown hair nervously around her finger.

With only the thought of leaving in mind, Seraphim was ready to head for the door and make her departure. She probably should have considered resting herself, and in a way, she was. Maybe it wasnâ€t sleep; but just sitting idly at the window was probably the most peace she had gotten since she left prison again, and she knew at the moment she was a slave to her own thoughts right now. So with Mai awake, and with the painful nostalgia settling into Seraphim, she figured it was best she left, wanting to make haste in her departure, but cursing herself from how her legs ached too horribly to prevent her from moving quick enough. And as she started to leave, she got a sudden, tight grip around her wrist, and Seraphimâ€s crimson eye widened at that moment. She went tense, and on instinct, she would have thrown a punch. She hated it when people grabbed her, and maybe it was just Alisonâ€s habits creeping into Seraphim, but being held at the wrist made her feel like she was in danger, and her hands tenses up into tight fists, before she spun on her foot, glaring briefly towards Mai, as if her crimson eye was giving her a warning from how she looked then, dangerous and tense as her arm trembled. But.. she didnâ€t pull away. The cat-eared girl started to speak, and Seraphim slowly let that expression slip away, taking a long breath to compose herself, before letting the tense fists slip away. …She nearly attacked Mai just then, but she let her rationality settle in, and she tried to relax some, realizing she would be stuck hearing what the beautiful girl had to say to her.

Act… tough? Hearing that also annoyed Seraphim a little, and the girl bit at her pale, lower lip for a moment, not wanting to admit or agree to that, but Mai was probably right there. She didnâ€t know how to react to that smile of hers, that delicate expression and the way she was coming across so concerned, even jokingly saying sheâ€d kick her butt if Seraphim hid it any longer, the girl felt conflicted then, not sure what to say. In fact, she fell silent, her arms going somewhat limp, as she looked down almost in shame as Mai continued to speak, letting the girl say everything she had to off her chest before Seraphim would respond, the girl just letting the words bombard her as it only made guilt sink in more.

Seraphim had to admit though, saying she cared probably did come off a little strange, but she said it for a perfectly good reason, wanting to admit it as soon as Mai was done. But even she seemed a little confused, as Seraphim watched her try to get up, and Seraphim frowned a little in disapproval, knowing she should still be resting, and not getting up like this and pushing herself. And yet now, …as cute as it may have looked, Mai even looked nervous. Seraphim was staring into those Hazel eyes of hers for a moment with her one crimson orb down at the slightly shorter girl, and Seraphim heaved a long sigh, not pulling away at all, before trying to defend her actions and words. “I said I cared because youâ€re… something this league rarely has any more.” She started to say, figuring she should explain herself, even if Seraphimâ€s tone was sounding a little distant as she spoke. “This place is filled with rotten, heartless people… I used to care about the people who werenâ€t like that… those few beacons of light left in this league, I used to protect them.” Her words trailed off just a little as she said that, Seraphim realizing that even now, old habits died hard. Just before this match, -her return debut no less- she interrupted a one-sided beat down from a heartless heel. And now, she was looking after Mai until she got better. It seemed that even though Seraphim tried to get away from her old ways and forget about caring over anyone anymore, she couldnâ€t deny it.

“White Gale… maybe youâ€ve heard of it.” Seraphim said rather casually, as if it didnâ€t mean a thing. However, surely Mai would have known it, everyone in the AFW had, as well as the Heel organizations too. Seraphim took another slow breath, letting her feelings attempt to subside, but it never really worked. So, she kept explaining herself, hoping it would satisfy Maiâ€s curiosity, even though it hurt to say. “I lead it. …Well, used to anyway, until I was thrown in prison again.” She sighed once, but quickly went on with speaking, really not wanting to get into detail. “Old habits just die hard I suppose, I cared because you reminded me of what I used to be like.. I guess I.. just donâ€t want to see another light snuffed out in this Hell-hole of a place.” As she said that, Seraphim slowly looked back at Mai again, their eyes meeting once more. And with her free hand, she gently placed it on the top of Maiâ€s head, just missing the ears, as she forced a tiny, pained smile on her face and gently pet along the top of the girlâ€s head in a somewhat affectionate manner.

Mai could feel Seraphim's emotions circulating through her just by searching her eyes and feeling her wrist. By the time she had let the white haired girl's wrist, she had already come to a few conclusions. Before she could respond, however, Seraphim began to speak and Mai listened carefully. After Seraphim was finished, she looked up at the girl who had her hand on her head. She smiled and then grabbed her wrist. "No." She said quietly and removed her hand. "This isn't right." She took Seraphim's wrist and then extended her own hand and clutched it more like a handshake. "This is much better." Mai looked down at the hands and gave it a soft shake. "I see..." She paused and tilted her head curiously be fore smiling. "You have a lot of issues." She winked at Seraphim despite her words. "but coming from a girl who dresses up like a cat for a living, that probably shouldn't mean much." Mai continued to hold Seraphim's hand wile she spoke, grasping it firmly.

"Before we continue." She said in a slightly more serious tone. "You have to understand, Seraphim-San. I'm not one of those people you have to protect. I'm not weak and I can take care of myself. Maybe I'm not as physical as you, but I'm a fighter in my own way. I'm not a child, I'm a woman. Please look at me in that way. I can't stand the thought of someone thinking that I need protection." Mai's hand shook nervously now in their grip. She wasn't sure what she was saying. Maybe her preface would destroy everything she was trying to set up with Seraphim. Whatever that was." She then let out a sigh. "Look at me like a woman and speak to me like a woman. That is what I want." She then squeezed Seraphim's hand. "That is what I want." She nodded her head and tilted it forward so Seraphim would understand. She then let go of Seraphim's hand and smiled. "I still think there's good in this league. I'm not afraid of being swallowed up. I fell into an identity crises when some brat caught me off guard." She thought back to Da Xia. "But as mean as she was being. As ruthless as she was... I needed it." Mai turned her head and blushed. "There was weakness in me that I didn't even know about. It's better to have it come out like that from some girl's petty sadism, rather than at a crucial point in my career. What if it had happened on stage? What if..." Mai shook her head and clenched her fist tightly. "No. I don't deal with what ifs... not anymore. And I have you to thank in part, Seraphim-san."

Mai continued to listen to Seraphim's words. She was a little shocked to hear that the girl had been in prison, more than once it seemed. She wondered why but didn't press the issue. whatever had happened it seemed she payed her debt to society and probably payed interest on it as well. Mai felt kind of bad for Seraphim but she didn't allow that to get to her. "I... I kind of have heard about it." She muttered, turning her head slightly. Mai didn't really have the time to keep track of everyone's business in the AFW but she thought she heard Chigusa talk about it once or twice. "Used to? So what are you like now?" She wondered aloud. Mai then grinned. "Mai Nagasawa's light shines too brightly to ever be snuffed out, don't you worry about that!" She said as she flashed a V for Victory at Seraphim. And if you want proof of the goodness, look to the fans. They still cheer for the good guys and boo for the bad guys. Violence and foul play might tantalize them because it's so out of their realm but the crowd can always pick out who's really good and who is really bad."

What else could she really say to Mai now? Seraphim still felt like this was improper for her to stay. As if her presence was a dark presence looming over Maiâ€s light, and she shouldnâ€t stay around her any more. She planned to leave, and yet this girl didnâ€t want that. In fact, she even took a gentle hold of Seraphimâ€s hand that was upon the girlâ€s beautiful chocolate brown hair, and embraced it within her own hand, causing the two to have a respectful handshake with eachother. Seraphim went with it, but Mai would see a somewhat befuddled look in Seraphimâ€s face, blinking a few times vacantly, a bit dumbfounded by the respectful action she was given. But then, while they did this, Mai pointed out the obvious to Seraphim, saying she had a lot of issues. Seraphim couldnâ€t help but scoff a little at that, breaking the handshake eventually, rolling her crimson eye at that, wanting to say something, but instead wanting to hear the girl out, as Maiâ€s tone grew serious, and Searphim stayed quiet, almost like a child receiving a discipline.

She told her to look at her as a woman… and for a moment, that did make Seraphim really think and consider how she had spoke to Mai. This wasnâ€t someone like Minerva; the girl was a very capable fighter, strong, and with a courageous and devoted personality that Seraphim appreciated. She could even feel Mai squeeze gently at her hand, making the white-haired girl realize just how right that was. There was a lot of respect for Mai, the girl earned that much. So the best Seraphim could do was agree to this, even opting out the name ‘kid†she had for Mai at the start of the match, and growing a fond respect for her. She was right though, she deserved at least that, she wanted it, so Seraphim gave a small nod, frowning some and looking down again as she felt like she had been making all these mistakes, and blaming herself too hard for it all.

Things just grew both confusing and put Seraphim in a very thoughtful state as she heard her courageous words. Not afraid to get swallowed up, never dealing with the what-ifs, and claiming she had a light that could never be snuffed out. Normally, Seraphim would have smiled. But instead, the girl slipped her hand away, finally speaking as she went to take a seat.

“Heh… issues? Iâ€m an albino, Swedish, Cyclops with a criminal record and more coffins on my conscious than I want to admit. Iâ€m fucked up.” It was blunt, and Seraphim knew it was a disrespect to herself, feeling like she should wear that label outwards, like she wasnâ€t feeling worth much else than that. But after the comment about how she had issues, Seraphim said it like it was all truth. Dropping herself into the same chair she was in before, her chest bouncing lightly under her white t-shirt, Seraphim drew a long sigh, reaching for another cigarette since she had a feeling she was going to be here for awhile. Maiâ€s presence was… comforting, even though Seraphim didnâ€t want to admit it, but a part of her felt like she didnâ€t even deserve it. In fact, she just gave a slow shrug as she brought up another question that was asked, shaking her head as the tone in her voice stayed solemn, and she looked out of the window some, trying her best to treat Mai more like a woman with her words, even if Seraphim was having a damned hard time doing so. “Look… you donâ€t want to know the kind of person I was. Iâ€m not here to have you play doctor. Iâ€m… glad youâ€re alright, but I donâ€t feel right talking to you like this.” She reached for her book of matches as she said that, plucking one of her last few matches from the book, and tried to strike it along the back side to get it lit. However, she didnâ€t seem to get it right away, furrowing her brow in frustration as she spoke. “Look… I donâ€t even deserve being around you. Our… match was a mistake. I shouldnâ€t even fuckin be back here after all the shit I did. So donâ€t… donâ€t try and be my friend or anything. …Please.” Even though Mai told Seraphim not to do some tough girl act, Seraphimâ€s words still came off that way. At least, what she was saying did. But in her tone, Seraphim sounded a little shaky even, like she wanted to just cry or break down, but prevented herself to. She may have claimed she didnâ€t want anyone around her, but truth be told, she was on her own again, and a friend was probably exactly what she did need right now. It just wasnâ€t in her nature to show a weaker side to herself. And that was why she wanted this damned cigarette, so she could distract herself and hopefully not have Maiâ€s attention as much. But so far, she was failing this, and she couldnâ€t even get a damn light.

Mai watched as Seraphim sat down. She turned her head a bit. There was a breeze against her backside and a soft blush came acorss her cheeks. She sat back on the bed and looked over Seraphim. ""You're right." She said. "I don't want to know the kind of person you were." She paused and placed a finger to her lips. "Well... not right now. That person doesn't exist to me. The Seraphim I know is only who I have seen in the ring and who is sitting in front of me right now. And so far I like what I see. There is no other Seraphim. That other one doesn't exist to me. Are you saying that you want me to meet her so I she can drive me away?" Mai paused. "Seraphim-San." She said the words. "You're the one using the past tense. So does that mean you believe that other person is also gone? It takes a lot of courage to admit we've made mistakes. And even more to change. You can do both it seems. I like that." Mai smiled at Seraphim. "That's exactly how the Seraphim I know acts."

Mai then stood up. She walked over to Seraphim and bent over and grasped the hand that had the cigarette in it. If she could, she would pull both the matches and the stick from Seraphim, carefully, not to snatch them away, letting their hands linger together for a moment. If she could get them away from Seraphim she would smile. "Don't worry, you'll get them back." Mai would then sit down next to Seraphim on the floor, squeaking a bit as the cold floor and cold register pressed against her bare skin. Mai fidgeted with her hands as she looked won, playing with the matchbook if she had it. "I didn't know that being Swedish or albino meant that you were fucked up." She said and smiled slyly at Seraphim. "To me, you don't seem like the person who would do bad things." She thought about her words. "But bad things can happen to good people and desperate situations can cause people to do things they wouldn't. I don't know. It's in the past now. If you were still like that.... whatever that is... I don't think you would be here." Mai leaned her head back. "I dress up like a cat and sing songs and spend my life being around teenage boys who love me for no other reason than they can satisfy a moment of lust with my face in their mind as they do it." Mai closed her eyes. "At least, if I wanted to sum up my life in cynical way, that's how it would play out." Mai looked at Seraphim and grinned. "But it will take more than a few dirty words to sum up Mai Nagasawa's life." She grinned even wider and looked at Seraphim. "What you said. Those are phrases for tombstones. I'm living right now and no one, especially not myself, is going to define my life in a few words."

Mai picked up a few locks of her hair and ran her fingers through it carefully. "Don't deserve? Doesn't feel right? Don't try and be your friend? It's a good thing that you're not in my business Seraphim-San. You suck at acting, excuse my language." She said with a soft chuckle. "But seriously... what are you going to do? Going to go back to wherever and get in more trouble so that you can feel even worse about yourself so the next time someone approaches you you can show them a big stack of baggage and chase them off so that you can go back out and get into more trouble so that you can feel even worse..." Mai looked up at Seraphim. "And so on and so forth... " She said her last words in a serious tone. "Your chance to break that cycle is staring you in that eye of yours. Is the other one going to have to come out before you figure that out?" Mai looked sternly at Seraphim. She had to. She didn't want to and it wasn't her place to do so. But it probably wasn't anyone's place. She then hopped up, stumbling just a bit and wincing at the pain.

"ah..." She muttered. "Just think about it. "I need to change and I'll be back. Then you can let me know if I've overstepped my bounds." Mai would set the cigarettes down, if she had managed to snatch them, next to Seraphim and rushed out to the edge of the door, her bare back and bottom exposed to Seraphim. "Resides." She said as she turned around and winked. "If you left, this is the last time you get to look at this sweet ass!" She said with a wide grin as she ducked out of the room. She would come back a few minutes later wearing track pants and a boys shirt than came down to her thighs and had some Japanese scribbled on it. Mai didn't like looking like this but she needed to stay in a comfortable state and it was the best she could do. When she came back, she popped her head in cautiously. "So... how'd I do?" She asked meekly.

((Heh.. another song for the moment. ;XD I canâ€t stop! Lol! I listen toâ€em while I post and theyâ€re so fitting… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oq-eZgf6HiQ ))

“Mai…” Seraphim didnâ€t know what to say after that. What could she say? Maiâ€s words hit close to home, as Seraphim found herself sinking into deep thoughts about what she was told. She sat there in the seat at the window as Mai sat on the floor before her, and she still couldnâ€t find herself able to make any eye contact with her. In fact, as she took a slow, even shaky breath, Mai found it was easy to simply take the matches and cigarettes away from her, as if Seraphim just stopped completely and allowed the girl to do as much. She supposed she could wait on those, she didnâ€t want to be rude, even if a part of her still did want to just leave and try to avoid any more talking with Mai, still telling herself that she didnâ€t deserve it; she didnâ€t deserve this kind of radiant light so close to her.

And yet… Mai didnâ€t see that. To Seraphim, the feather-white haired woman felt like she wasnâ€t even completely alive anymore, a broken soldier sunk in constant self-punishment and depravation. But Mai didnâ€t want to believe it, telling her that she saw good in Seraphim, that she had to keep the past in the past, and that everyone had there own demons, even Mai wasnâ€t perfect, even if Seraphim practically saw the girl that way. She almost cringed at what she told Seraphim about herself, how people thought of her like… that. It was one of the things Seraphim couldnâ€t stand the most, and why she told herself never to violate or humiliate someone in the ring. She had done that once at the beginning of her career, starting as a heel, but never again did it happen, and she made sure to hold any feelings until a match was over. But Mai seemed so… accepting of it, knowing inevitable things happened, and people came here sometimes strictly for that.

But still, Seraphim stayed in silence as she continued to listen. Her head hung low, and she took a slow, shallow breath at Maiâ€s words, trying to put it all together in mind that was locked up in eternal confusion. What was she going to do, Mai asked her this, and pointed out Seraphimâ€s flaw, how she needed to stop carrying this baggage with her, how she needed… to break the cycle. Seraphimâ€s crimson eye closed for the moment as she heard that, making sure not one word Mai said went by without her listening, and it sunk in with her heavy heart, making the girl heave a heavy sigh, her hands trembling a little, so she subconsciously tucked them away in her blue-jeans pockets. Seraphim didnâ€t want to admit it, but Mai was right… every word of it. If Alison was still alive to this day, if Seraphim could ever confront Tracy again, theyâ€d tell her the same thing. Alison would cry and hug Seraphim until she smiled genuinely again, and Tracy might just punch her and huff until the old Seraphim was back.

Mai started to leave for a moment, letting the cigarettes remain behind, and she even gave a flirtatious wink and gesture at Seraphim, letting the crimson-eyed vixen take one last look at Mai if she wanted to. Normally, yea, Seraphim might have. There was more to Mai than Seraphim wanted to say she liked, and her body was one of them. But Seraphim was gaining a whole level of respect for her that she couldnâ€t even describe with words, something about her leaving Seraphim in this mixture of emotions she couldnâ€t figure out. When Seraphim was by herself while Mai was getting changed, she looked at the cigarettes for a moment, and just sighed. …Maybe she should quit. She liked the idea of killing herself slowly with them, treating cigarettes like both a pleasure, and a punishment for her. But Mai was right… she had to stop this self-hatred and loathing. Seraphim didnâ€t think about the nicotine sticks for much longer, and then drifted her eyes towards the window once more, seeing the sun getting a bit low for the evening, the sky close to a red hue now from the elegant sunset. She wished to have a friend here to see it with her. Alison, Tracy, …Karina, the thought of them in her mind made her just feel more lonely than before, and slowly, Seraphim pulled her knees up closer to herself on the chair, feeling a silent tear slowly escape her crimson eye, her hands shaking a little the entire time.

A slow sigh escaped her lips, and with a simple gesture, she wiped her eye with the base of her wrist, a shaky breath coming from her as a small crack in her voice and a sob came, but she did her best to hold it in, feigning a weak, painful smile to herself, trying to deceive herself that sheâ€d be okay. But then, Mai came back no sooner than to see this side in Seraphim, the girl trying so desperately to keep herself together after Maiâ€s words, and she turned her head a little, letting her now glassy, watery eye look Mai over for a moment. She swallowed hard, a pained smile that looked ready to shatter on her face, before she nodded at her. “G-Great…” Was all she could say at first, slowly and with her words still shaky. But with another breath, as she gave another little sob, she wiped her eye again, trying her damned hardest not to cry and giving a small sniffle, before she spoke from her heart with those few simple words. “..Thank you though… r-really… I-I needed to hear that…”

Mai carefully stepped back into the room once she saw Seraphim's face and heard the words. She had a gentle smile on her face as she stepped forward. She closed the gap quicker with each step until she was kneeling in front of Seraphim. She then took her hands and pushed them against Seraphim's cheeks and looked her int he eye. "Then, we're even now." She said as she tilted her head. "Simple as that." Mai then let go of Seraphim and stood up so she could take her position next to Seraphim, sitting on the floor again.

"It's hard to hear the truth. Especially when you don't want to. I know what that's like too. I just went through the same sort of thing. Maybe I'm still going through it." Mai sighed. "After I was humiliated by Da Xia I was lost. I had never had something liek that happen to me but worse than that, I was afraid. Afraid of what might happen rather than what did happen. My fans didn't leave me. They cheered me on even harder, hoping that I would do even better next time." Mai grinned suddenly. "Otaku are surprisingly loyal. But more than that, my whole world didn't crumble I ran away from it. My friends were still there. Heh... Drake left about a billion messages on my phone trying to get ahold of me. I missed some events... I was hurting myself by disappearing more than Da Xia ever could. I didn't realize that until Yuuki-san knocked some sense into me." Mai blushed a little. "Another good smack from you and all that rattle's gone. Mai Nagasawa is back and better than ever!" She then clenched her fist in determination and grinned at Seraphim.