Something About Us

Beating AJ out of the building was the easy part. Ryoko only had to maneuver through the throngs of exitings crowd members, which was a skill she’d perfected long ago as a veteran wrestling fan. She weaved her way through the throngs, squeezing here, taking a less-used side route there, pushing her way out when she had to, and made decent enough time.

In fact, she probably made it out a little too early. She was at the exit where she was 95% sure AJ would pass, the one that a lot of the wrestlers went through near the far side of the building so they could avoid the press, the one that technically wasn’t off limits to the public, but so few people who didn’t hang around the building knew about that it might as well have been, the exit that was near the only water fountain in the building that always had ice cold water.

It would be a while before AJ came out this way, if she came out this way, and that meant Ryoko had time to think about everything that had happened in the past hour. To really absorb all the pain her friend had gone through, to remember that anguish on her face, the way she’d screamed, the things Spider said…

It all made a shiver go through Ryoko, as she leaned against the door and sighed into the humid night air. She wanted to get AJ something, anything that could cheer her up. Ice cream? She could probably fine a vendor that was selling some overpriced Dippin Dots nearby, but it would probably melt by the time AJ came out. A soda? That seemed so...weak. ‘I’m sorry you got beaten and humiliated in front of a million people while I stood by and did nothing. Here, have a Coke.’

Ryoko felt weak. She’d never felt weaker or more ineffective or dumber or anything worse in her entire life, not even when she lost. It wasn’t her in the ring, it wasn’t her getting bent out of shape, Spider hadn’t spat in her face. So why did it feel worse than that. Why did AJ getting hurt feel worse than any pain she could’ve taken.

She felt like there was an answer somewhere in the back of her head, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to peak back there and see what it was. For the time being, all she could do was pace back and forth, ignoring the stares from wrestlers as they exited and looked at this weird woman in her tight black jeans and her white and red Friction t-shirt, mumbling to herself like a crazy person.

Let them think she was crazy. She was too busy figuring out what to say. ”...you were great, she was wrong, don’t listen to her, don’t…”

Coward. Stupid coward.

Any second now. She’d be coming out any second now.

She was fine.

That's what they told her. They had cleaned her up and slapped a piece of medical tape across the bridge of her nose. Basically a bandaid. The cut, the blood, we're only the smallest fraction of the damage that had been done in the ring tonight. She had limped herself back to her locker and as a great labor, changed back into her street clothes. She had wanted to leave straight away, bury her head in the sand to avoid the world, but she found herself slumping down onto a bench as an overwhelming sense of lethargy overtook her.

She could hear people coming and going. She didn't look their way, didn't want to. She could imagine them spying her from a distance, disgusted by what a poor performance she had put on. They would snicker and whisper in the shadows how weak she was, talk amongst each other to decide which of them would be the next to beat her in the ring. That's all she was really, just another notch in someone's belt. Her head fell into her hands, fingertips curling through the beginnings of her hair.

She had wanted to come to Japan so badly, to prove that she wasn't just some second rate side show. She was more than just another forgettable female talent there to be eye candy and provide filler matches. She thought she was anyway… what was she doing wrong? Alexa trained so hard, researched every chance she got, her preparation and effort spent we're through the roof yet every time it came down to wrestling she came up short.

What would she tell Ryoko? The best friend would no doubt still want to meet up. Alexa wasn't sure if she could look her in the eye right now, not after what just happened. Her phone sat beside her, lifeless black screen giving her nothing but a darkened reflection of who she was back at her. Should she lie? Tell her she had already left? Tell her the truth, that she wanted to be left alone?

She felt like poison, as if simple contact with her would taint her friend. She knew that Ryoko would have her back, try to cheer her up… maybe. After tonight, perhaps she saw how much of a fraud she really was. They spent so much time.watching and talking about wrestling, hyping it all up that when it came time to deliver she just seemed like a pretender. She wouldn't blame Ryoko, it was hard to be the fan of a loser. She wanted desperately to avoid any confirmation like that. If she wasn't already broken, that would be what shattered her completely. Better to run and hide then face what might be waiting.

Her fingers sank deeper into her hair as she hunched forward. Soon they had found what remained of her hair band, tugging and tearing to pry it free. It hurt with her her long brunette lock we're tangled around it but it came free eventually to let her hair fall naturally around her shoulders. She tossed the simple black band which still clung to a few of her hairs into the locker, shoving it closed it her sneaker.

She could have used a shower before leaving, anything to try and wash away this sickening feeling. She didn't have the energy though, it had taken her so long to even will herself to stand up and walk out at this point. Alexa gripped the straps of her gym bag, helping to secure the weight as she slipped quietly through the halls. She looked different than usual with her frazzled brown hair cascading down from underneath an old sun faded Red Sox baseball cap. The girl looked smaller, more compact by the way she clutched at herself and moved so mousily, lacking the normal animation to her step.

Quietly, carefully, Alexa pushed her way out the side door. Her head lowered, face obscured behind her cap. While her shirt and jeans may have been to generic to place her in a crowd, her bag, sneakers, and American baseball cap likely painted a pretty clear image of the fact it was her, even with her hair down. She hadn't seemed to notice Ryoko, too focused on simply avoiding any and all contact. Unless stopped, she would move past, seemingly content to head home alone.

And then there was the cell phone. Ryoko had brought it out of her jacket and was scrolling through it, going through her depressingly short contact list to find AJ’s number. She started to write out a text, then stopped.

|Hey, I’m outside|

Started again, then stopped a little less than halfway through.

|do you want to get some ice crem, maybe watch some movie, we can|

Managed to get a full one written, even spellchecked it, only to delete it again.

|Totally ignore all that crap Spider said. She’s wrong, she doesn’t know you, and she’s just made because you had her on the ropes and she knows it. You can beat her. I know you can. Everyone does.|

It all seemed so hollow, like she was dancing around all the things she wanted to say, and a text wasn’t the right way to do it. Whatever she wanted to say to her friend, she needed to say it in person. To her face, in her eyes. It was almost as if it wouldn’t count if she did it any other way, like it wouldn’t mean anything on some pithy text.

So she stood there and she waited and she kept her eyes on the door, and yet, somehow, she still almost didn’t recognize AJ when she stepped out, not picking up on her until she’d walked a few steps past hero. The reason why was apparent right away - it wasn’t the clothes she wore, Ryoko had seen her wear similar before, and she couldn’t spotted that hat from miles away on a clear day. But her demeanor was all wrong, couldn’t have been more off-putting. AJ was always so expressive, so exuberant, so full of this vibrant, endless energy. She had this wonderful smile, these shining eyes, this light around her that seemed to make everything around her light up.

But that light was gone. Nowhere to be seen. There was just this dark void that hung around her, one that made Ryoko’s hairs stand on edge.

She kept walking like Ryoko wasn’t there, as if she couldn’t notice the world around her, and for a moment, a brief second, she almost considered letting her best friend walk off. It would be the easy way, right? And she’d hate herself every day for the rest of her life.

Say something. Say anything.

”Shay!” She took a few step after her and reached out to put a hand on her shoulder.  ”Shay, I’m...I’m sorry.”

It could have been Ryoko had gotten the wrong person. They had stopped right away, hadn't turned around with their usual smile or fumbled a step. Their shoulders noticeably raised and head dipped ever so slightly, but that was a natural reaction to sudden yelling, right? It hadn't been until she felt the hand clap down on her shoulder that she knew fleeing was no longer an option. Her footfalls promptly ceased, leaving her standing with her back to Ryoko.

Her shoulder sank, head raised with the bill of her cap pointer to the night sky. A sigh escaped her long and shaky. She wanted to brush Ryoko’s hand from her shoulder, desperately felt as though she needed to be anywhere but here in the moment. She couldn't find the strength to remove it, as if shackled in place by steel manacles.

“Sorry about what?” Her tone was soft, a distance voice that didn't fit her. It lacked all of her emotion, just a flat collections of words that seemed to mimic the human race experience more than live it.

“You didn't do anything wrong…” A soft sniff, than another louder one, a clear sign of her choking it back. She regained her composure, though was still unable to look Ryoko in the eyes. She instead watched the sky, wishing there was something more than darkness high above to draw a measure of inspiration from. Deep in the city, the light pollution made stars a rarity, even in the darkest of twilight hours… Tokyo rarely slept.

”I mean…”

AJ asked a good question, and it was one that Ryoko didn’t have an answer to right away, still trying to process anything resembling a sensible answer from her muddled mess of a mind. There had to be some combination of words that would make her feel better, that would wash away the defeat, that would fix everything in one fell swoop, but she just couldn’t figure them out.

It didn’t help that AJ’s hollowed voice brought a cold chill down her spine. It might’ve been hard for someone who just knew her from passing, who’d only seen her in the ring, but Ryoko had talked with her so many times - in the gym, chatting over ice cream, walking the street together, hanging out in the park, late-night conversations over the phone that she wound up regretting when she woke up late in the morning.

AJ didn’t have energy, she was energy. She was this unending well of sunshine and good feelings and laughs. Hearing her voice without that, so lifeless and dead...if Ryoko hadn’t been standing there, looking at her, she wouldn’t have even known it was AJ talking.

”I don’t know. Stuff.” Weak. So weak. With her hand still on AJ’s shoulder, as if it was the only thing keeping her from drifting out into the night. ”I should’ve warned you about Spider more, should’ve looked into her, given you a better heads up, but…”

Ryoko dipped her head down, desperate to find her friend’s eyes. She needed to see them.

Why did these things always have to happen like this. Wasn't it enough she had suffered and been humiliated once tonight? Couldn't she just go home and try to put all of this behind her? It wasn't fair. First Spider, now she had to show down with Ryoko. In both cases she was utterly unprepared for tough things out in the long haul…

She wasn't in the right mindset for this. A darkness in the back of her mind wanting to lash out at Ryoko, her only life line. It was her fault for building her confidence or she distracted her during the match. Her friend was practically handing her an easy out to strike at her and throw the blame in her lap. It didn't make sense, but it was there, threatening to spew out if she didn't keep it in check. She could lose everything tonight. Her dignity. Her best friend. Maybe that was easier. With nothing left here she could leave and just be forgotten. Start from scratch… maybe they would still give her a spot back home if she begged.

She instinctively flinched at Ryoko’s touch as her head was lowered, eyes unsteady and shocked to stare back into the other girls. Her lips parted slightly, searching for words that never came. With a small shake of her head she glanced to the side, examining the pavement rather than face her friend directly.

“It's fine…” She spoke softly, trying and failing miserably to play it off as nothing. “I just… I wasn't ready. Again.” Alexa shoved her hands into her pants pockets, keeping them well out of sight while she balled them into tightly clenched fists. She wasn't any good at this either. It took energy to deceive, something she was in short supply of at the moment.

“Listen… I appreciate you coming out to cheer me on. I really do. But maybe… just don't from now on.” Alexa couldn't help but steal a glance back up over at Ryoko, unable to keep her mind from needing to see her reaction.

"Don't waste your money… find someone better to root for. I’m just…” she shook her head again, huffing softly. “I suck… I just suck at this. I thought I could just… try, and make a dent, but it doesn't matter. I research, and train, and prepare… and just lose. All the time. Spider is right, I really don't belong in the ring with people like her.”

“What am I doing wrong?” the question didn't seem to be posed to Ryoko. It was quiet, little more than a whisper. Glancing away she reached up, trying to gently remove Ryoko’s hand from her shoulder. “You deserve someone better. I'm sorry…”

The jitters were back now, those little shakes and stutters that Ryoke thought she’d left back in her earliest wrestling days. Back then, she’d always been so nervous hanging around the gorilla position, letting the crowd get to her, trying to make sure all the lessons stayed fresh in her mind. So afraid of doing the right thing or not being ready when she stepped through the ropes or even tripping on her way down the stage.

She’d conquered those fears, left them behind, but here they were. Only she was outside the ring, there was no crowd to send her reactions out into the world, and her ‘opponent’ was the best friend she’d ever had.

Ryoko could do this. She steeled herself as AJ spoke up, held on tighter when she tried to brush her hand away, and did her best to keep her eyes dry when her friend looked up at her and their gazes met. It was only at the end, right at the end, that she managed to speak.

”No.” She kept her hand firm as her brow hardened, putting as much strength into her voice as she could muster. ”No, you don’t apologize. You never have to. Not to me.”

Ryoko was holding her too hard, she realized that after a moment, and she let go with a hesitant. She didn’t want to just hold AJ there, but she didn’t want her to walk away, either. ”Spider’s wrong. She’s as wrong as it gets. You keep focusing on the latter half of the match, but what about the beginning, when she couldn’t keep up with you? You had her. You had her and she knew and that’s why she came down on you like that.”

She took a step back and ruffled up her hair, staring up at the glow FRICTION  sign above them, in flashing letters. On a crisp and clear night like this, you could see it from blocks away. Ryoko could even spy it from her apartment, though a nearby building ate the first few letters.

”Listen.” She took a soft tone, near whispering, her words going far in the still air. There was force in them, though, as she took on the same tone her teacher had used with her in the tougher times. ”You’re a good wrestler. And I’m not just saying that because you’re my friend, but because I’ve been watching Friction for a while now, and I know that most of roster doesn’t even have half the talent you do. And that includes, Spider.”

Her father would have expressed his disappointment. She could already imagine his voice in her head, accusing her of not training hard enough or not taking this seriously. There was no grey area with him, he was a hard man who lived or died in black and white. Her mother would have left her alone to deal with it in her own way with nothing more than a warm meal and a simple offer to listen if she wanted to talk. Her other friends wouldn't have understood. They didn't get professional wrestling, they barely even got her wrestling in high school. “Good job AJ.” For tackling a regional championship wasn't exactly equivalent exchange for praise.

Back home she didn't have anything like this. Ryoko was a unique case. The level of support and camaraderie they shared was something that was unheard of to her, existing only in the movies. She felt compelled to follow anything requested of her simply based upon how little Ryoko ever asked for in return. While that was nice to know that the Japanese native always had he back it was equally as concerning.

How much of this was a friendly pep talk and how much of this was delusion? Was she so fervently defending Alexa just to live vicariously through her in the ring or did she actually feel like this? She hated these jaded thoughts, disposed doubting Ryoko who had done nothing but be there for her since she came to Japan. When they said “This is what friends are for.” They had this woman in mind… so why couldn't she just believe it.

She hadn't seen how the end of the match looked on camera or for the onlookers, but in her mind the visual was there. Manifested by her mind, playing back over and over. No one would remember her valiant fight. No one would talk about how she almost beat Spider. They would remember her getting thrown around. They would remember her tapping. They would see her curled up and sobbing in the middle of the ring, getting spit on. She had nothing else to give them, that was all she had and it wasn't enough. “Nobody remembers last place.” She found herself muttering quietly, unintentionally voicing her father's words from her youth out loud.

Despite having looked away, when she was asked to listen her eyes shifted back to Ryoko's. She had always been encouraging, but her tone was… different. She suddenly felt nervous, swallowing hard as she listened in silence, nodding along without even realising it. When her friend fell silent, her eyes shifted over the other woman face for a long while.before she finally spoke again, almost pleading for some manner of answer.

“Then why can’t I win?” She took a step closer, hands finding the strap of her gym bag to clutch it tightly. Ryoko had always had the answers she was missing… maybe she knew? Alexa hung on desperately, grasping at straws for something to set her mind at ease. She needed something to hold onto or work towards, her other avenues of improvement had been proven not enough. Was there some special move? A secret training or diet? Did she need to cheat? She found herself reaching out, trying to grab one of Ryoko’s hands to hold it tight.

“What do I have to do?” In the short span of time the two had been out here, Alexa had seemingly run the full range of emotion. Who knew what she had been going through while she was alone. In the moment, the fragility of her mind was on full display as she seemingly unraveled right before Ryoko’s eyes.

Did that do it? Was that good? Ryoko was trying to speak from the heart here, but her heart was in such a flutter at the moment that she wasn’t sure if that was the right idea. Words just came to her, unbidden, as she told AJ everything she believed, the words she hoped would make her feel better. If she could only see the cute smile of hers, even for a second, everything would be better. They could fix this.

That wasn’t what happened. Instead, her friend stayed in the deep, dank pit that she’d fallen into, with Ryoko still struggling to pull her out. ‘Nobody remembers last place’. It came from AJ’s lips, but it wasn’t her voice, didn’t even sound like something her lips should’ve been capable of saying. Someone told her that. She was pretty sure it wasn’t Spider, either. She’d said a lot of crap, but that wasn’t part of it.

Whoever it was, Ryoko hated that someone

She’d just finished mulling for a moment when she felt AJ’s hand take her own, gripping it tight. She didn’t fight the hold, didn’t resist. She welcomed it, enjoying the warmth of her friends hand around her own, as she asked questions that she wasn’t quite sure how to answer. What else could they do? It was a legitimate problem. This wasn’t some cartoon where the secret lied in an ancient technique, wasn’t a movie where the heroine was one inspiring speech away from victory. AJ was looking for something tangible. Something she could do to turn the tide.

So Ryoko wrapped her other around AJ’s shoulder, pulled her in for a hug, and gave her the only answer she could think of. A true one.

”I don’t know.” She sighed, her breath blowing about AJ’s hairs, and laid her chin to rest on her friend’s shoulders. ”But I know we can find out together. I’ll stick with you as long as it takes. I swear.”

Without even realizing it, Ryoko was crying herself, tears welling up in her eyelids, her voice cracking. She tried to hold it back. Didn’t altogether succeed.

”Do you trust me, Alexa?”

Ever since leaving high school, Alexa had been in a downward spiral. She had been successful there as an amateur wrestler. Solid training, a winning strategy, and a proven record. Her transition into professional wrestling had been a hard one, but she had pedigree. This supposedly ran in her blood… so why did she consistently come up so short?

She was lost here in Japan. Literally as she roamed the kanji labeled streets and figuratively as she sought to find herself in this career she had chosen to make for herself. Defeat after defeat had broken her down to the point the cracks were not only beginning to show but she was crumbling right before Ryoko’s eyes.

Her grip tightened on her friends hand. Ryoko was something real, someone who had supported her through everything ever since the two of them met in that cafe. She enjoyed her company, relied on her wisdom, and never questioned the woman… until now. Why would someone so great want to attach herself to the brunette’s failures? What could she possibly be getting out of their friendship? She was hoping to find the answers in Ryoko’s eyes.

She made no move to shrug the hand on her shoulder away, waiting expectantly for something, anything Ryoko could say to make things all fall back into place like she normally did. When she was pulled into a hug, her body immediately tensed up. Frozen in place, she stood by awkwardly as she was given a honest but ultimately uncomforting answer at first. There was no snap of the finger to solve her issues, just a commitment of support. Was this what she needed? She wasn't sure.

Alexa’s body slumped slightly, leaning into Ryoko as he arms weakly wrapped around her friend. She hadn't wanted to cry, not again, not so soon. She was doing a good job of it until she heard Ryoko cracking. Was she crying? Because of this? Because of her?

Alexa had laid herself bare rather often, even if she hadn’t intended on it but she had never seen it go the other way. Ryoko was so confident and kind… selfless really. Always there for her regardless of the time. She never asked for anything and continued to give.

Without realizing it her arms tightened, squeezing the woman tighter as if she was the one here to give comfort. She didn't like seeing her friend like this any more than she wanted to be like this herself. It may be her lowest point but she owed it to Ryoko to be there for her just as she had been there for Alexa.

Somewhere along the way her gym bag strap had slipped off her shoulder, dropping to the inside of the crook of her elbow. The bag hit the ground with a muted thud, leaving the strap loose against her arm as the two hugged. Her chin dropped to the other woman's shoulder, eyes downcast to the ground in a solemn silence until a question was actually posed to her.

“Yeah… of course.” She answered before really even considering the question. Out of everyone she knew, Ryoko was among three people she felt she could confide in completely. The fact it was a somewhat loaded question to ask after everything that transpired this evening, this moment included, never really crossed her mind.