Measuring Up

"Well, that's good at least." She blushes a bit at all the compliments. "I'm just... trying to be a good girlfriend. I take it I'm doing pretty okay?" Truthfully, she had been working hard at it. She liked Cicilia a lot and wanted to make things work, but she also felt really pressured. Cicilia was constantly telling her how great she was or how perfect she is... she felt like she was having to really live up to all the praise so had been going out of her way to be the best girlfriend she could be. Truth be told it was slightly tiring.

Another kissed snapped her out of a daydream "Hm? Oh, uh... you're welcome!" She blinked at Cicilia, nodding. "Well, it will be easier to get off once you have all the leg gear off first. "Sayumi motioned to the couch for the boxer to sit. This was a good a place as any. She understood the pitfalls of high lace ring boots. getting them tied up and up on could be a pain. "I did warn you about the leotard. Now you're paying for it."

Cicilia smiled and nodded, sitting herself down on the couch as per Sayumi's gesture. As the Japanese girl began undoing her boots, the boxer smiled softly at her, feeling the erg to just... hold her in her arms again... She was just... so gentle and sweet. It was almost... no it WAS like she felt a need to protect her. From what? That was unknown. There was no specific threat or monster afoot that needed slaying that she knew of... Sayumi seemed happy and the boxer had no indication that she was under any kind of alarm... Perhaps she just felt protective of her...

Now Cicilia wasn't dumb. She knew just how HARD Sayumi could hit when she wanted to. This girl was not to be screwed with when her back was against the wall (or maybe she was. She'd have to find out later). Even so... all these things she did for her... all those signs that said she cared... Would it be so wrong to want such a perfect woman to never be hurt again?

"Okay? You've been doing nothing less than stellar!" Cicilia laughed, gently running her fingers through the other woman's soft lavender hair. "You've been so sweet... and these gifts... Between your love and the suit.... I think I'm being spoiled over here!" She laughed before staring warmly down at her girlfriend once more, her sanguine orbs practically glowing with love.

"If there's anything I can do for you, Sayumi... please let me know."

Nodded quietly as she worked to loosen the boot laces to the point she could wiggle the footwear off. She set the first boot aside as she worked on the second. "Actually, I have a question." She deftly untied the lace knot, hooking a finger down each crossed lace to tug it out a bit to loosen it up entirely. Once it was good enough, she's work the second boot off. From there, she was able to start slipping off her knee pads. "I haven't need any framed pictures or anything around... of your family. I know you told me, pretty vague, that things hadn't been great for you back home. I've been curious about that." Talk about a mood buzzkill, if only she knew.

She'd set the knee pads and the under layer for them all aside, drumming her hands on Cicilia's bare knees before gesturing for her arms. "If you don't mind." If she was offered Cicilia's arms she'd tug the gloves off first, folding them neatly to stack next to the rest of her things. From there she shoot up, leaning over Cicilia to work on the elbow pads.

"My... family, huh...?" Cicilia repeated, that smile fading, withering into a duller, sharper expression. The mere thought of them... It brought a cruel ache to her heart. More than that, emotions of betrayal and hatred shot through her mind as the images of her mother and father who never gave a damn, her sister who so brazenly beat her into a life-threatening state... What more was there to say than they were worth less than the scum scraped off sewer pipes?

"I... they... They weren't the nicest people." Cicilia responded slowly, trying to find the right words so she didn't burn Sayumi's innocence down around her. "My parents were never around, always busy with work and when they were home, they dotted over my older sister. She was always their golden girl and they never paid me any attention. My sibling... She wrestled and boxed too... In fact, she was a lot better than I was at either. She was stronger, faster and tougher and every spar we ever fought she one hands down... She wasn't a good winner either, always taunting me for how I always lost..." Her tone seemed to dip, growing grittier, more angry, actual tears of pain spiking in her eyes. Shame was mixed in there as well...

"One day... I challenged her to a fight... One I was determined to win. Every time she knocked me down I kept getting back up and she just... pummeled me to the point I needed to go to the hospital. I overheard mom and dad CONGRATULATING HER on her win if you could believe it while I was dealing with all sorts of broken bones... I just... left them. They're gone. And I'm never talking to them again."

Sayumi quietly worked off Cicilia's elbow pads, adding them to the pile. As her girlfriend spoke she slipped up onto the couch, scooting up beside her to slip a supportive arm around her shoulders as she shared her history. She scooped up one of the boxer's hands, giving it a small squeeze as she listen without interrupting. She hadn't really known the depths of Cicilia's issues with her family. She had once said she had a rough childhood too when it briefly came up.

This was a different beast entirely. In hindsight, she looked back on her time with her father dictating her every move as more of a labor of misplaced love from a man who didn't really know what it was like to live in her shoes. What Cicilia described was almost the complete opposite. Just the thought of it all, along with the look on her face was a bit much for her... but she swore she wouldn't cry. This was about Cicilia. She wasn't going to let her emotions take this moment she was sharing away from her by accidentally making it about herself.

She drew Cicilia in, wrapping her up in a large hug. "I'm sorry." She was, for what it was worth. This explained a lot, to her, about the competitive nature of the boxer as well as that bubbling of rage she had seen more times now than she cared to imagine. Still, knowing the root of the issue, didn't excuse it. She knew Cicilia's rage was something the girl was trying to work on, and Sayumi was going to try to be there to see her through it one way or another.

Sayumi wrapped her arm around Cicilia's shoulders in an effort to comfort her but even the love of her partner didn't seem to cut this pain any less. This was much older than the feelings she held for Sayumi and even though she held nothing but the deepest love and respect for her... she didn't know if she got how horrible it was to not even be your parent's daughter in their eyes. Just... worthless... a tool for the oldest sibling to get stronger... It was the worst thing in the world when the person you expect love from gives you nothing but the most minimal of efforts. She could feel the void in the center of her chest left behind by the absence of a real family... It was cold... deep... she could literally trace the circular shape with her finger if she wanted... Anger helped so much to ignore all she didn't have, it helped her run FROM her problems rather than to them. It was much easier to crush a poor fool who dared to approach her than admit how broken she really was. It was easier to be the worst person in the world than acknowledge you can't go on like this. Could anyone ever guess that the Juggernaut, a girl that would fight any battle and any opponent, would run from the most important one ever put forward? She was so pathetic... what a joke.

Sayumi embraced the boxer, the gesture being the last thing to cause those tears of frustration and loss to roll down Cicilia's cheek. This wasn't the first time she had moments like this. Every so often, when her thoughts did drift to her excuse for a family she worked herself up into a state like this... But it was all usually forced inwards, an effort to fill that hole in her chest with trash. Nothing. The pit doesn't fill on garbage.

Cicilia wrapped her arms around the lavender beauty, holding her against her as if she were her lifeline. Before, all she had was herself, a broken, twisted self to stare back at, hoping for the life of her motivation to just... help herself. Now Sayumi was there... and that made things easier...

"...No... I'm sorry..." She muttered, pulling away to wipe the tears from her cheeks. "I... I... I don't know what to do..." That wasn't true... but it was closer the truth than she had been in years.

Sayumi put on a smile for Cicilia. She hated seeing her like this. In pain. Sad. Confused. She had never met her family, but seeing that they made the boxer feel like this, made her so angry with people she never met before. She kept Cicilia in a tight loving hug for as long as the woman would have her.

When they finally broke away, Sayumi gently guided the boxer's hand from her face, instead replacing it with her own on her cheeks to tenderly wipe her tears aside with her thumbs. "Why are you sorry?" She leaned herself closer, just to let her girlfriend know she was there a d she was listening.

Little did Sayumi know that this was what Cicilia was feeling... all the time. It was just hidden under a mask of anger and temporary relief. If the girl thought that this was just something that popped up ever so often then unfortunately she was wrong. When she tried to wipe her face dry, her hand was gently pushed away by her partner's, her own instead doing the deed. She smiled a little at that... Count on her to make Cicilia's misery a little less painful.

"For acting like this... I shouldn't break down like this... It was just so... out of nowhere... I'm sorry." She glanced away from those soft, caring aqua eyes. "I don't want you to see me like this..." And who would? Something you've been keeping bottled up and away from everyone wasn't something you'd like to share with just anyone... even if it was your girlfriend and lover. It was something bigger than them now... It had grown beyond their control so she didn't want Sayumi involved any more than she already was. If she got hurt because of her then... She didn't know what she'd do...

"Stop." Sayumi said simply, she had a gentle tone to her voice though. She gently caressed Cicilia's cheek with a thumb. "Don't be sorry for this. This is not someone to be ashamed of... Everyone needs to cry. Bottling things up... It's not good." She leaned in to rest her forehead to Cicilia's. "Don't hide from me Cicilia. I want to be there for you but I can't if you don't let me. Please... Don't... Don't shut me out. Let me help you."

Sayumi was almost on the verge of tears too. Seeing Cicilia like this was breaking her heart. She rested her head on Cicilia's shoulder before dragging her into another big hug. "Let me be there for you on the good days, but especially on the bad days... Okay? That's when you need someone to lean on most."

Cicilia's eyes watered up again and Sayumi took her into another hug, telling her it was okay to cry, that it wasn't something to be ashamed of. Her heart ached in her chest with every word her girlfriend spoke, the promises that she wanted to be there for her even on the bad days, that she wanted to be the person for her to lean on...

All this was so new to her. Having to depend on nobody but herself her entire child-life, having nobody to support her other than herself and now someone was pledging themselves to her... Nobody cared for her for so long... Nobody loved her, held her or promised aid before now... It was so alien... Scary... Cicilia held Sayumi to her for all it was worth, resting her head on her shoulder as she did hers... The German said nothing for the longest time, just holding her partner there... thinking. Not a single word slipped through her head but still her mind worked, trying to piece it all together... what it meant.

And Cicilia smiled.

She pulled away again, tears now actively rolling down her cheeks. Her lips were curved upwards despite how trembled. Her whole body trembled now, like a house on old and rotted foundations... unable to support itself anymore.

"I love you..." She whispered before it all came crashing down. Cicilia's smile collapsed into a sob as she held her girlfriend close, burying her face in her shoulder...