Nobu Tano vs. Patty O' Malley - The Greatest Match Of All Time

Oh. Right. Wrestling didn’t have timeouts. Why didn’t wrestling have timeouts?

”Things like this are why people don’t consider this a legitimate sport!” She declared, surely sparking a movement with her words, despite the boos coming from the first two rows of people who could hear what she was saying. Or screaming, to be more accurate.

Patty’s crying didn’t seem to affect Nobu’s cold heart, however - he wasn’t through with his foul torment, a sad fact that Patty learned when he started to lean back and spin her around and around and around and…

”OHMYGOD!”

And around…

”StopstopstopstopSTOPSTOP-”

And around…

”Bwaaaaaaaaaah!”

And around…

Patty was utterly helpless as Nobu continued to torment her with the viscous move, flinging her lithe body around like it was weightless, manipulating her with ease.

The crowd counted along with each spin until Nobu finally dropped Patty down. The boy began to stagger about, making himself look considerably more dizzy than he really was just to get a few more laughs out of the crowd. Based on what he was hearing, they seemed to be having quite a bit of fun with this so far. Now, what to do next...?

A lightbulb went off in the mischievous boy’s head as a great idea came to mind.

Walking over to the downed brunette, he’d crouch down and pull Patty’s white boots off to expose her feet, before rolling the girl over onto her front. From there he’d swing a leg over her and straddle her lower back, facing her legs. His hand reached into the pocket of his shorts, and emerged a second later to reveal a feather, which he held up for the audience to see.

“Hope you’re not ticklish, Patty~” Nobu said through an almost wicked grin as his free arm went to pull her legs up, so he could start to rapidly brush the tip of the feather over her soles, hoping to make the poor girl explode into an uncontrollable laughing fit!

Patty hated the Giant Swing. Granted, she’d never been in one before this, so she had little time to foster that hate, but even in this small amount of time, she managed to summon up some serious animus for the move. Being swung around like this was just embarrassing, never mind the havock it was playing on her stomach and delicate body, as her stomach’s juices churned about. Did the crowd boo this cowardly act? Did they condemn the fiend. No. Of course not. The crowd just laughed.

Sick freaks!

Thankfully, Nobu wasn’t able to swing her around like a toy doll all day long. However, that was momentary relief thanks to what came next, when he pinned her down and started to strip her away. Was he going to pull her clothes off? Give her the ultimate humiliation in front of millions?

No. Far worse.

Patty was on her chest, so she couldn’t see what he was doing, but she could feel it. The tiny tickling on her barefoot. Teasing the most sensitive nerves. A little spark, that quickly go into a wildfire throughout her system.

The snickers came first. Then the giggles. Then the guffaws, as laughter burst through Patty’s mouth like an overflowing dam.

”Gahaaha! Stop! Stoooooopahaahahaha!” Patty flopped around on the mat, somehow managing to laugh and sob at the same time. ”Referee! He...hahahaha! He’s using a foreign object! Dis...heheheha!” Patty slammed her fist on the mat and summoned her resolve, using the trademark O’ Malley will to push through this heinous attack. ”Disqualify him!”

Patty may not have been in any extreme pain at the moment, but Nobu knew this was every bit as torturous as the worst submission his mind could think of. And because it wasn’t a submission hold, the poor girl couldn’t save herself by tapping out. And of course, despite her demands for him to stop, he didn’t. As for the ref, she just looked extremely confused. Yes, Nobu was technically using a foreign object. But it wasn’t like it was anything capable of inflicting harm. It was just a feather! Was that really enough to warrant a disqualification?

Nobu took a moment longer to draw a few more hearty laughs out of Patty and let the crowd laugh along with her misery, then got up and pocketed the feather again before the ref could make a ruling on it. Chances were she wouldn’t have disqualified him anyway, but better safe than sorry. Though he did get a stern warning for his prank.

“Tano! Watch it, or I will have to disqualify you! Got it?”

“Hey, I put it away, didn’t I?” he responded, putting his hands up to show the feather was no longer in hand. The ref stood down, but chances were she’d likely be more strict if he kept up the shenanigans with his props.

Why wasn’t the referee disqualifying Nobu? What kind of carnival show was this? All of the sudden, Patty knew what her next episode of Breaking the Tension™ was going to cover: a shocking expose into referee corruption, turning a blind eye to foreign object use, showing blatant bias against American wrestlers. It was a serious problem that she’d relish in shedding light on.

After what seemed like an eternity, the official finally did her job and Patty was released, allowed to scurry away from Nobu’s clutches with some fragments of her dignity still intact.

She immediately made her way to the ropes and grabbed the bottom one, holding onto it for dear life.

”Back!” Patty swung her barefoot leg at him, threatening to kick his knees if he came too close. ”Stay back!”

Wasn’t Nobu not allowed to touch her if she was holding on to the ropes? Or something like that? Why wasn’t there a rulebook for this sort of thing?

Was Nobu perhaps having too much fun with this? Maybe, but how often would he get a chance to mess with such an easy target as much as this? Patty may have been gutsy enough to throw down the challenge, but her inexperience and lack of training had showed. And against someone like Nobu, that was saying something.

Seeing her back away against the ropes and almost frantically kick at him made the boy grin. To this point he had thoroughly controlled the match with nothing but a handful of practical jokes and a few moves that would’ve been considered rather light against more experienced opponents. Finishing her off wouldn’t be too difficult. But Nobu wanted to have just a little more fun with her first.

“Or what? You’ll interview me into submission?” he replied with a little laugh, then reached his fingers into the wristband on he left arm and pulled a small red capsule out of it, then put it in his mouth and started chewing like it was a piece of gum. Anyone familiar with the Great Muta or Tajiri knew what was coming next.

But unfortunately for Nobu, that pesky ref knew it too.

“Hey! What the hell are you doing?!” she barked out while marching over to Nobu, who rolled his eyes. Obviously the ref was intent on putting a stop to the use of his props in this match, and that simply wouldn’t do. He needed to distract her so he could focus on Patty. So once she was close, Nobu turned toward her and sprayed a blast of blinding red mist out of his mouth right into the ref’s face! Immediately her hands went up in a frantic attempt to wipe the mist away while she backed off, leaving Nobu to his business with Patty again.

“Now where were we...?” he asked with a grin as he turned back toward his foe.

Things were looking dire for our heroine. There she laid, strung out, completely at Nobo’s mercy, as the fiend looked to do...whatever it was he had planned with the capsule. Patty wasn’t sure and she really didn’t want to know, since whatever it was would more than likely involve humiliating her in some extreme fashion.

But, before the fiend could fiendishly execute his fiendish plan, he was distracted by the referee.

Opportunity!

Frantic, Patty looked around, thinking this might be her chance to flee. A cowardly thought that didn’t last for too long - she was an O’ Malley! An American! Americans didn’t run, especially when they were O’ Malley’s. She had to stay and fight, but how…

”Oh.”

Patty saw her answer when she looked up and noticed one of the cameraman getting close to the ring, trying to get a good shot of Nobu’s confrontation with the referee. Seizing the opportunity, she reached through the ropes and pulled the camera inside, snatching it away from the understandably confused man.

Patty stood up, held her weapon at the ready, and when Nobu turned around, there was a big surprise waiting for him. Deep breaths, a quick prayer, and...

”AMERICA!”

Patty screamed her battle cry and leaped forward, swinging the likely-expensive piece of hardware at Nobu's face, loving the irony of a media maven such as herself using a camera for a weapon.

Nobu hadn’t planned on doing anything to the referee. That had just been an unfortunate result of her need to get in his way one too many times. But now that she was sufficiently distracted, the number of ways he could mess with Patty went up exponentially.

However, Nobu didn’t count on Patty being the one to take advantage of that before him.

But that’s exactly what happened. Nobu turned to face his foe, only to hear the battle cry and feel a blast of metal and plastic right against his face! The boy’s head snapped back and he dropped right down onto his back! For all of about a second the pain had been excruciating, and then everything had gone dark. Nobu was out cold!

The crowd gasped at the unlikely sight, then held their breath as they waited to see if Patty could take advantage of this opportunity and steal perhaps one of the biggest upsets in the recent history of pro wrestling!

A hushed silence swept through the arena as Nobu went down, taken out by Patty’s masterful surprise attack. It was fitting irony in another way, too - after all, he’d been doing dirty tricks on her the entire match, doubtless realizing that he had little chance if he played things fair. But Patty believed in fair play. She exemplified it. And come to think of it, there was a saying that dealt with turnabout…

Regardless, the day was clearly hers, and she celebrated in the most restrained, conservative way that she could muster.

”YES!!” She squealed with glee and jumped up and down, letting her inner school run free for a moment. The whole rush of it all had been so exhilarating, a raw thrill. She’d  always wondered why wrestlers got so hyped and loud in their matches, but now she could see it perfectly. The experience of dominating an opponent and coming out on top was something to treasure. ”I won! I WON”

”Uh, no you haven’t.” The referee was busy cleaning out her eyes, but she’d already managed to get working well enough to see the end result. ”Pin him, please, I need to wash this stuff out…”

”Oh, right!” She dropped down to her knees, started to lay across his chest, remembered that the last thing she wanted was to press her breasts against his bare flesh, then pushed his chest down with her palms, instead. [color:d486=#Blue]”Aha!”

The referee dropped down to her knees, and...didn’t start the count. ”You’re not pinning his shoulders down.” She sighed, though from exasperation or the pain in her eyes, Patty couldn’t tell. ”A little higher.”

She shifted her palms higher and pressed just below his neck, leaning for extra help. She looked towards the referee and shrugged.  ”Like this?”

”Close enough.” The referee raised her and started slapping the mat. ”1...!

During all the commotion around him, Nobu never stirred once. Not while Patty was prematurely celebrating, or even when she moved over him and put her hands against him, trying to even figure out how to do a simple pin.

Had he been aware enough to know what was going on, even Nobu would’ve been embarrassed. Though far from the level of talent that had fought in classic bouts over prestigious titles, he was a pro wrestler, dammit! An actual wrestler! Yet here he was, being pinned by an untrained girl who didn’t even know how to pin someone! Well, he’d have plenty of time to recover from that shame later. In the meantime...

“Two...!”

“Three!”

The bell rang, and the crowd unanimously was on its feet roaring in disbelief! Patty O’ Malley had just scored one of the biggest upsets in the history of the league! Or, to put the general thought going around more accurately, PATTY O’ MALLEY HAD JUST WON A MATCH!!!!!

From the time he’d walked onto the set of Breaking The Tension, Nobu Tano had dedicated quite a bit of effort to tormenting the reporter with his pranks and antics. But never in a million years had he - or anyone else for that matter - thought that would lead to Patty knocking him out cold, and pinning him in the ring! But lo and behold...

A small groan rolled from Nobu’s lips several seconds after the bell had already rung. He squinted as his eyes opened and saw the bright lights above, and there was still a huge throbbing pain in his skull.

“Ugh.... What just happened....?”