Nobu Tano vs. Patty O' Malley - The Greatest Match Of All Time

Match Type: Standard
Victory Conditions: Pinfall, Submission, or KO


***

Patty stood in the gorilla position, taking in deep breaths. Steady exhale. Steady inhale. She wasn’t clad in her usual outfit, none of her typical amazing fashion. Today, she was only clad in her form-fitting blue leotard, accentuating her fine curves and firm body, along with some white wrestling boots she’d borrowed from the AFW’s training room. She kept her cap on, figuring it would be best to keep her flair, but aside from that, everything was about business.

Patty O’ Malley had come to fight. Patty O’ Malley had come to win.

Her music started up, and Patty emerged from the back to...frankly, almost no reaction. The crowd just sort of gave her a pity clap, a few half-hearted cheers here and there, and she could’ve sworn she saw some of them going to the bathroom or playing on their iPhones. A tad bit disheartening.

But they would be awake soon enough! Patty had spent all week preparing for this match. Doubling down on her WiiFit regimen and even going so far as to upgrade to WiiFit U. Staying away from hamburgers and only eating the chicken sandwiches at McDonald’s. Running a hefty five miles a day, with only twenty minute breaks between each mile. Playing countless hours of WWE No Mercy to increase her mastery of the sweet science of wrestling.

She felt strong, stronger than she had in her entire life. Her muscles tingled with pure electric, raw power that was waiting for an outlet. That outlet was going to be Nobo Tano’s face, as she unleashed her full rage on him for daring to ruin her show, trifling with her precious time. He’d thought she was a joke? Well, now, he was about to be the laughingstock. He’d called down the thunder, and he was going to get the lightning!

Patty bounced for heel to heel in the middle of the ring, psyching herself up as she stared down the ramp. ”I am a real American...fight for the right of every man…”

Nobu Tano casually whistled a little tune to himself as he stretched his limbs out backstage. Tonight he was feeling quite confident in his odds for his match tonight. Genuinely confident, for once. Most of the times he’d been scheduled for a match, it was against an attractive young woman solely for the purpose of letting the crowd watch him get dismantled dominated. He’d embraced that, and had even come up with his own ways to make those beatdowns fun and unique, which sometimes even allowed him to pull out some big upsets!

Today was different, though. Today Nobu was going to take on Patty O’ Malley. Pretty as she was, she wasn’t anything like anyone Nobu had stepped in the ring with before. Hell, she’d never even wrestled a match in her life! This was going to be the easiest win of Nobu’s career, and the crowd was going to be getting more than a few laughs at Patty’s expense along the way.

Soon his music began to play, and the prankster grinned as he headed toward the curtain. “Here we go!” he said aloud to himself, before bursting through the curtain with a bright smile on his face. The crowd didn’t exactly burst to its feet in a thunderous ovation for him, but the reaction was noticeably louder and more lively than it had been for his opponent - something he was sure the keen journalist’s mind wouldn’t fail to pick up on.

Clad in a pair of turquoise trunks, black boots and matching wrist bands, Nobu was ready for action as he quickly made his way down the aisle, high fiving numerous fans along the way before sliding under the bottom rope. Standing across from Patty, Nobu smirked at the brunette while walking to the middle of the ring.

“Heh, that actually looks kind of cute on you,” he said, pointing out the leotard she was wearing. “You can still back out of this, you know. I wouldn’t blame you for being scared. What do you say? Truce?” He extended a hand to offer a handshake, but one look at his snickering face would probably be enough to tell her he wasn’t being serious. Nobu doubted she’d want to back out, and he certainly knew she’d remember how he’d pranked her with the hand buzzer during their interview. It was in his hand again now though out of immediate view, half taunting Patty with the reminder of how he’d messed with her before, and half daring her to take a chance on shaking his hand again.

Okay, now what?

Patty had watched matches, plenty of matches, but she didn’t have much of an idea of what the proper etiquette was while she waited for opponent to come down. Should she play to the crowd? Scream? Get them to clap? She didn’t have many ideas, and the sort of things she knew would ingratiate her to them were the sort of things proper ladies always refused.

The question became moot, however, when her opponent finally made his presence known. Nobo Tano. The blue-haired idiot. The man who was responsible for the sole stain on her illustrious Tension career. He came down to the ring with such a swagger, this air of unearned confidence, as if he was about to embark on the easiest match of his life.

He was wrong! Dead wrong!

Patty was at the ready when he came into the ring, even when he extended his hand for a shake. Did he think she was a fool?

“Aha!”Without even looking to see if it was a trap, Patty hopped forward and kicked at his hand!

And missed!

She took a slight pause. Stepped back. Then kicked again, with more accuracy! ”Aha!” She yelled in righteous triumph. ”As if I’d back down from a fight after the way you treated me! I will not be bullied. I will not back down!” She wagged a finger Nobu’s way and turned her nose up at him. ”Not by you! Not by anyone!"

Nobu blinked in a moment of brief confusion when Patty missed wildly with her kick, then came veeeery close to breaking out into laughter at her epic fail before she gave it a second, more successful try. He quickly retracted his hand, but the smug expression on his face made it perfectly clear that he wasn’t so convinced by her tough talk.

“Yeah? Alright then. If you insist. Just remember you brought this on yourself,” Nobu replied, as if he were some dominant champion about to face down the most unworthy of challengers. Had he been standing in front of a more experienced wrestler, this probably would’ve resulted in Nobu being laughed at by his foe and anyone else who happened to hear. But this was Patty O’Malley. Standing face to face with her, he’d never felt more confident in his skills.

He backed away into his corner, and waited patiently for the bell to ring. Soon it did, and Nobu was quick to come out toward the middle of the ring at a slight crouch and with his hands raised. If Patty moved out to join him, he’d lunge forward and try to tangle his arms with hers for a simple lockup, before attempting to drive her right back into her corner.

Patty turned her nose up at Nobu - as high as it would go - as he continued to not take her seriously. She had the proper attire. The proper attitude. The proper know-how. But Nobo acted as if she were no threat at all, as if she wasn’t to be taken the least bit seriously.

He was wrong. And she’d show him just how wrong he was.

She moved to her corner, waited for the bell, then came out towards him with proud, long strides. She was sure of herself, not a doubt in her mind as she brought her hands up for a...a...tie-up? Was this the thing where they locked fingers and pushed or was this the thing with the collar-and-shoulder hold? She always got the two mixed up.

Because of the confusion, she wound up awkwardly crashed into Nobu with her flopping over his face as she was pushed back. Her footing quickly gave way, and she wound falling to the floor and grabbing his arm as she tumbled, pulling him along with her.

Nobu had gone into this knowing it’d be considerably different than wrestling an experienced opponent. But even he couldn’t have guessed just how different even the smaller things would be. Like a simple lockup.

Nobu got his arms in position and expected a pair of feeble arms to push back against him. Instead, her body stayed still while his moved forward, and he ended up plowing right into her! She started to go back, but only for a moment before the two were suddenly falling onto the mat together!

“Nph!” he grunted. The fall hadn’t particularly hurt - partially because the reporter-turned-wrestler had cushioned his fall, but it had been an awkward surprise he hadn’t mentally braced himself for. And as he looked up to evaluate the situation, he noticed his hands had just happened to come to rest right on Patty’s breasts. Then some chuckles he heard from the crowd reminded Nobu that this was a perfect chance to get some laughs.

Feigning ignorance, as if he hadn’t even noticed their predicament, he started to move his torso back up...only for his hands to “slip,” causing him to fall face first right into Patty’s chest!

One of Patty’s deepest, darkest fears was suddenly coming to life.

She’d always known that her fine, fit body would be in danger around a place like the AFW. There were too many lecherous men roaming about, men who’d be more than willing to take advantage of a young, beautiful, nubile woman such as herself. She just didn’t expect to get in the ring with any of them.

Nonetheless, that was the situation she found herself in. On her back. Hurt. With a vile, grubby little snot of a man nestling his face between her perfect set of breasts.

Patty knew how to react.

”Gethimoffgethimoffgethimoff!” Patty squealed, pushing Nobu’s face out of her chest and giving him a fierce slap across the ring. ”Referee! This is a clear violation of the rules. Sexual harrassment! Do something!"

The referee, of course, did nothing. Unless you want to call standing around with a confused look ‘doing something’.

Patty may not have found her predicament to be all that amusing, but just about everyone in attendance sure did. The evidence came through a chorus of laughter that rang out through the arena while Patty struggled underneath Nobu to get him off of her.

His face contorted awkwardly as she slapped it, which the camera fortunately got a great shot of. The crowd’s laughter only rose at the sight, which Nobu was likely going to mind a lot less than his foe.

But quickly he was right back up again, rubbing a hand over his cheek where she’d slapped him. Nobu noticed she was still down, but also still closer to the ropes than he would’ve liked. So he quickly went on the move to grab Patty by the ankles and attempted to drag her out toward the center of the ring.

People were laughing. Why in heaven’s name were people laughing? What was wrong with them?

There Patty was - a young, delicate, beautiful, vivacious woman in the pride of her life, being assaulted by this scruffy looking thug with sky blue hair. A terrifying experience, one she in no way deserved. They found it funny. Like it was a gag.

The thought was distressing. But not as distressing as getting dragged along the mat by her ankles.

There was, of course, much screaming involved.

”Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!”

And cursing.

”Oh my God! Get the heck off me!”

There was also much kicking and flailing and bucking, as she vainly tried to shake her way free of the deadly hold. ”Referee! Timeout, timeout!”

The referee simply let out a long, exasperated sigh. ”There are no timeouts in wrestling…”

“Rgh! Hold still!” Nobu said as he tried to keep Patty’s kicking and flailing legs under control. Granted, he would have to have been an idiot to expect anything different from her. But that didn’t make things simpler for him.

Though he did get a kick out of her trying to call a timeout. That got a chuckle from Nobu, and more from the audience.

He attempted to wrap his arms around Patty’s legs to get a better hold of them. Then from there he’d start to spin, raising the girl off the mat and dragging through the air along with his momentum. Nobu was no beastly powerhouse by any means, but fortunately Patty was pretty light. On her a giant swing was not only fairly easy to accomplish (as long as he managed to get a hold of those legs of hers), but hopefully seeing Patty struggle and scream as she was swung around through the air would be as amusing to everyone watching as Nobu imagined it would.

If he did manage to get the move off, Patty would have to suffer being spun around six or seven times before finally being dumped down on the mat again.