Plans & Apologies

"I AM considering that!" Cassie insisted. "That's why we're having this conversation."

She was agitated. She bit her lip and scrutinized Shinobu and wondered... had she misjudged him? If he was willing to come with her, would she want that?

"Shinobu... I quit AFW. I'm done with wrestling. I spent four years getting nowhere with it, and... It's not the life I want. I want to go home and have a quiet life with my family. I want to compete and to teach and to work outside and to help things grow, and I want a family. Not right away, because I'm only twenty-two, but... Do you want any of that? Because... I can't see you as some Canadian farm-boy, driving the kids from school to Elliot Jiujitsu. What would you do?"

"And you're just telling me now. You've come to end our relationship because you assume I couldn't possibly understand why you would make your decisions. That the only choice I could possibly make is to just be selfish say "Good luck, Cassie-chan, it's been fun."

Shinobu shook his head. "Whatever you want to do, I support you, Cassie-chan. Or, I would if you would give me the choice!"

Shinobu sighed. "Cassie-chan... If you really don't want me to go with you, then I understand. I'll take it as it is. But please don't make my decision for me just because you think it's what I would do... That hurts me more than the thought of you breaking up with me... And that hurts a lot."

Cassie blushed an even brighter shade of red and lowered her eyes, her chin tucked down. What Shinobu said felt way too harsh and it hurt, but... She hadn't actually asked him that question. She swallowed down her shame and cleared her throat.

"You're right," she said quietly. "Do you want to move back home with me?"

Shinobu reached out and took Cassie's hand. "I know that I'm not ready to let you go just yet and... If that means moving to Canada with you, I'd at least like to give it a try."

Cassie shook her head and flapped her hands. She placed them on the table on either side of her plate and leaned in closer as if she had to whisper.

"Give it a try? What do you mean?"

If it was just a flight of fancy, and not a serious life choice... That would hurt more than if he didn't want to come in the first place.

Shinobu frowned at Cassie's interpretation of his words. "Try is try, Cassie-chan. I don't know what the future holds and it feels like you're saying I can't even take a moment to think about something that's going to completely change my life. I don't intend to give up on you and I am willing to do this with you, but this is the first I'm hearing of it and it seems like you've given this quite a bit of thought."

Shinobu sighed. "Can you at least wait until I'm finished with my current job? I need to make all my arrangements..."

"You're being really harsh right now," Cassie said softly, leaning forward once more. "This has been really hard for me. It was a really hard decision to make, and I'm doing my best with it, and I'm sorry if you feel... left out. I... never would have dreamed that you'd just..."

Even in the middle of an argument, Cassie's big green eyes were impossibly disarming, especially when they were sad.

"Why don't we just take some time to think it over? I'm probably going to go back with my brother... But I dunno. If you come later, or if you come visit with me, we can... figure it out as we go, I guess. I just... I didn't think I could ask."

"I'm sorry, Cassie-chan." Shinobu said. "I know it's a difficult decision. I just wish I could have helped you through it. Now we might have to go through it a second time." Shinobu took a moment and then smiled.

"Well... I'd like to think that you could ask me anything, but I understand your hesitation. I understand the worries you might have. I have worries too, but when life presents chances, it's best not to let them pass. This is a chance, and even if it might be scary and new for me, or both of us, I feel like I shouldn't just let it pass. If it's with you, then I feel confident, Cassie-chan." Shinobu said.

Cassie reached across the table and clasped Shinobu's hand between hers. She didn't say a word for what seemed like a long time, and offered only a warm smile.

"Fujiko's gonna lose it," she said finally, with a little giggle. Then her smile faded. "I haven't told Taylor yet..."

Taylor was a bundle of nerves while she waited for Cassie to arrive. She sat rigid and upright on the couch, focused on breathing in and out until she couldn't take it anymore and had to move.

She jumped up and paced the living room. She did push-ups. She half-heartedly shadowboxed, but that didn't do the trick. She just needed Cassie to get there so they could talk and Cassie could set her mind at ease. Taylor was just under a lot of stress and jumping to conclusions.

She stood by the window to watch for the taxi, and when it pulled up she rushed out to the front step. She enthusiastically greeted her Canadian friend and lifted her up in a hug and spun her around, trying to smother any chance of disaster in the impending conversation.

It didn't work. They sat down, Taylor's heart raced. She was pale. She held her breath until Cassie said the words, and then all at once she broke down. It was heartbreaking for Cassie to watch her proud and fearless friend so... shattered. Tears rolled down her cheeks while Taylor held hers in, just barely, while her face bore the strain.

Taylor nodded to show that she understood. She seemed to shrink, from a former champion wrestler to a sad, helpless little girl. She just wanted Cassie to say it wasn't real, she wasn't leaving, and it would be okay. She wanted Junko to come convince her not to go, but no one could have convinced her.

Taylor clung to Cassie for a long time, and then Cassie slept over. She eventually passed out on the couch while Taylor laid on her back next to it, staring up at the ceiling with her hands folded over her chest. She waited until she was sure Cassie was asleep, and then went to the garage-gym and stood in the practice ring. The small hours passed slowly, and when Cassie woke up in the morning, Taylor was there, tired-looking but with breakfast in hand.

"Don't say it," she told Cassie, as though maybe if no one spoke of it, Cassie would forget all about this crazy idea and stay, forever, where Taylor could still reach her, and talk to her, and love her.