Wrestling with equality (for Caroline)

Caroline was trying to smile and look positive for Jesse's sake, but it was hard. Some pessimistic thoughts had seeped into her mind over the past few days, and they had made it difficult for the young girl to recapture the sense of excitement that she'd had for her training when she first arrived at the gym a couple of weeks ago. Her first fight hadn't been a light spar, but a real taste of what can happen when two women give it everything they have in the ring. It had left her shaken and fearful, but after a few days of thought, Caroline had also grown to appreciate just how necessary it all was. Wrestling was a difficult, dangerous sport, and if Caroline didn't take a few lumps now, she would probably get hurt when she tried to compete in a professional fight, especially with her eyes. It was scary to think about, but it was true, and Caroline wanted Jesse to know that she was ready for it.

“I just wanted to say that I'm ready to resume my normal training,” she said, her voice just barely optimistic. “Back when we fought for the first time, I thought you were mad at me for being here, like I was a waste of time or something. I realize now that you were just trying to get me ready for what real competition will be like, so...well...I'm sorry for letting it get to me the way it did.”

Caroline was still feeling a bit sore from their fight, but her apprehension that day had been about more than just how painful it was. Her body may have taken a beating, but it was the toll on her mind that she most feared. She was terrified, most of all, that competing in the same league as sadists, criminals, and women who were simply obsessed with winning might cause them all to...rub off on her. The ring had a strange way of warping people, encouraging them to do dirty, disrespectful, or downright dangerous things for the fleeting sense of pride given by a win. Nobody was safe from it, not even the supposed “face” wrestlers who fought in the league, and the more experienced a wrestler got, the worse the effects became. It was something she had learned by watching the matches involving champions and former champions of the AFW, people who were always despicable in how they carried themselves in the ring, too worried about their precious stats to show a glimmer of humanity to each other. It was awful...and Caroline was about to charge into it.

“Hey, Jesse, be honest: do you think I'll be able to survive in the AFW? Am I too soft for it? A-am I just going to get destroyed every time I step into the ring?” she asked, her eyes shimmering from the slightest hint of tears as she gave Jesse a distraught frown.

She tells her again that she didn't know what came over her that day but is glad to see her there. When she was asked if she thought if Caroline could really stand a chance in the afw fed she gave it some small thought for a few seconds to word it right. "Honestly I don't think you can...I know you can." Jesse would tell her. "But you got a lot of work ahead of you. Then again I haven't really had a complete match there myself. I was suppose to have one but it got cancelled. I did ref once though." She had no problem telling her about her experience there. "Mostly due to politics and timing but I got a good career closer to home but I'm not bothered by it much." She has to think about for a bit before she tells Caroline if she wants her goggles back now since she found them in her bag when she was cleaning it out the other day. She mentions she must have taken it by accident and it is with the rest of her stuff right now.


She does remember that 'match' they had was for them and a small part of her wondered if she should give them back because she didn't grab them when they were going at it, but Wes did stop it, that and she knows Caroline needs those to see so she feels a bit torn. She does go back to their original topic about Caroline wondering how she may do in the ring. "Just keep at it, that's all I can really suggest." She then shrugs and adds "Maybe one day you might wake up and can see perfectly without goggles or glasses." She then looks around in random directions, wondering what to say or do next.

When Jesse mentioned that she had done ref work at the AFW once, the curious girl was instantly tempted to ask why, and for who. However, she decided to keep this question on the back burner for now. “The AFW is the only wrestling promotion of its kind on Earth, and competing there looks like a lot of fun, but some of the women who work there have fun in...bad ways,” the name for people like that was “sadist”, but Caroline didn't think to call them by that term. “They aren't even the ones who scare me, though. The ones that really frighten me are the ones who get a big head and start doing bad things just because they're obsessed with winning. The worst part is that, if they're popular enough, people still cheer for them, like winning is the only thing that matters.”

As Caroline spoke, she realized that Jesse and her had actually embraced this style of fighting in their first spar. Jesse had tugged Caroline's goggles off to blind her before it even began, and choked her out in the corner for well over five seconds. Caroline, for her part, had scored a cathartic punch that had struck Jesse between the legs. Maybe that was how wrestling was supposed to work, but it felt wrong to Caroline. Winning wasn't all that mattered...right?!

“Maybe I'm just naïve for thinking this way, but it hurts me to see people like Taylor Parker being praised when they've never done anything but treat people like garbage, as if they should get respect without ever giving it.” Caroline ranted, her frown going from sad to bitter. She was probably out of line for talking shit about the current Friction champion while she had never fought a single match herself, and the champ would probably take delight in pulling her legs off if she were ever made aware of it. Come to think of it, Caroline could faintly recall that Kei had fought Taylor back when the latter was very new to wrestling, so she wondered what her sensei would think about this if she was here to hear it.

"I didn't say it was bad and it does have a decent reputation for all that it has but I know,w ell, not to sound old, but sometimes just because one competes somewhere doesn't always mean something.  I've heard of people being just on the independents for most or all of their careers and have a pretty successful run with their time, and some get to a big named companies but fight maybe once or twice a year and get lost in the shuffle the rest of the time and don't do anything else in between.  Though those that find a lot of in-ring work are ones that are known having a good work rate and ones that deserve to be in there and aren't completely assholes."

She knows what Caroline means about TP but shrugs "To be honest I haven't really cared one way or another about why some people view her the way they do.  This world is full of sick fucks and I rather not try to pick apart their brains.  As far as AFW goes I don't see a problem with her being in the title picture as one of the champions.  I saw the match where she won the belt and I agree that it was something she did earn, can't deny that.  But with how she is in that promotion I wonder how she would feel outside of of AFW and be in various feds around the world?  Sure every place as fans that like to root for those that usually don't deserve the praise but I wonder if the big fish that is Friction's champion can survive in another body of water with different life forms that she isn't use to."

She takes a moment to recall something before continuing.  "Taylor has risen through the ranks, even though one of her earlier loses was to Kelly.  As experienced as our fearless teacher is she was new to AFW as well and even though she has been all over the world including Japan it did take  her sometime to get use to the territory and 'how things work' there.  I remember her telling me if she could take that match back and do it over again she would.  It gets me thinking though, what if the two were to face off again.  Of course if it were it were to be under afw terms since I doubt  Taylor would want to leave her safety net of being in an afw setting.  Sorry if that doesn't make sense, I've heard of other examples like that in passing.  Just one thing I am not sure about.  If that did happen, which I think Kelly wouldn't care where the match is held, would either of them show a different effort or side of them whether or not the title was on the line.  I remember Kelly saying when she was first there and when she went back that she has no intention of wanting to win any of AFW's belts, but I'm sure she would not say no if she was given a title shot.  Hard to say if that will ever happen to her though, I've noticed that, well not just there but pretty much any company has it politics and because of that life isn't fair for a lot of people.  But as you've seen that hasn't stopped her from going out there and having a good time...Plus you may have heard people say never say never or anything can happen."

She then has another thought about that possible match up.  "Plus, which I think is an important detail, both of them are completely different people now.  On one hand you got Taylor and her attitude and the experience she received since she started up to now.  Kelly overcoming a career and life threatening injury and ending a major rivalry in the process which now it seems she's beginning to enjoy and make time for extended periods of non-ring life while keeping her career going, I'm curious to see what would happen.  With that being said have you heard Kelly or anyone say that winning a major championship doesn't always cement your legacy as one of the best in the business?  I've seen a number of male wrestlers in various global sized companies never have a championship belt around their waist yet their fans and peers forever label them as a top dog in the yard as the saying goes.  Though going back in kind makes me wonder with how she views life I wonder how Kelly would take it if hypothetically speaking Taylor gave her a title shot if Kelly put up for grabs her in-ring career.  Some wrestlers consider gold their life and feel naked and empty without it, where as you know our fearless leader, she'd find a way to wrestle even if she had one of her legs cut off.  Maybe we'll never know what would happen." She gives a shrug at that before getting back to Caroline specifically.

"Getting back to you though Caroline...While skill wise you are far from it, the way you have conducted yourself in workouts from what everyone has been saying you would be a great addition to any locker room.  That is of course you keep working at it so you can fend for yourself.  Winning isn't always everything, but if keep losing and keep getting your ass handed to you night after night, sure you got the effort in there but if you never win and you come out there, fans will just take that time to take a piss break or something cause they would already know the outcome.   AFW is a neat mixed bag but it's somewhere I don't think I'd fit long time.  If that is where you see yourself being you know you'll have to work extra hard.  I'll say this though, if you did get in there and wanted someone by your side I wouldn't mind going there too.  If you're wondering, the one match I officiated there was between Kelly and Steven.  Let's just say my boyfriend was getting one of those high horse attitudes and Kelly not only knocked him off his high horse but also metaphorically speaking spanked him back to the stoneage.  I also saw Kelly ref a match he had against Daisuke where she DQ'd him.  She's tough, she's caring, she wants us to succeed, but if you become a dumbass she'll bring you back down to Earth.  I wonder though if Taylor still did everything she did and Kelly was one of her trainers if Kelly would have done the same thing.  I'm guessing she might look into it but might just let her do her own thing.  After all like just like parents, a teacher can't watch over someone forever and if they do their own thing and if they travel down the road that Taylor has sometimes they have to go that road alone.  Say you and Taylor had a similar path.  I bet she would let you do your thing and not get involved, but would not turn you away if you did a U-Turn and came back and asked for help.  I can't say for sure that would be her way of thinking, just a guess.  But back to you and what I do know for sure.  If what I'm thinking is right, the first few years for you competing might feel like hell, have days were you just want to cry, some where you just want to die, or just don't give a fuck what happens.  But if you keep at it I know you'll find success and be an inspiration to others.  Kelly told me a few times living the life she did that her biggest challenge was avoiding being attacked by personal demons.  Wrestling is an interesting and fun sport, but it can be rough and things can go wrong, but that's why we are in this spot right now, to learn about what the road ahead is like.  Take her, take Taylor, take you, take me, take...the UKE...or even (says the name of one of their fellow male students) none of or paths or experiences will be the same, but we almost will all have a similar stop or two along the way...Holly shit I sound old o_o."

After snapping out of it she'll ask Caroline if she wants her to get the goggles for her.

As Jesse shared the histories of Kei and Taylor, and opined on the possibility of the two crossing paths again, Caroline couldn't help letting her mind wander a bit. For better or worse, she didn't think such a rematch would ever happen. Taylor was too wrapped up in her own world to bother with such a fight, having made plenty of friends and enemies that kept her busy round the clock. Caroline also had her doubts about whether or not Taylor really deserved that title belt. She had lost fairly to a wrestler named Angel in the past, only to dog and harass her for months into agreeing to a rematch that she had done nothing to earn. Even though she had fought hard for the gold, her reign as champion was still poisoned as far as Caroline was concerned. She wouldn't lose sleep when someone finally knocked her off the hill that she fancied herself king of, but who knew when that might be? Best to leave that hornet's nest undisturbed.

When Jesse came upon the assumption that people would stop watching Caroline altogether if she kept losing, the blind girl shook her head. If that were true, there would be no such thing as jobbers...women and men who lose so frequently that they become known for it. Under no circumstances did Caroline want to be considered a jobber, but she wasn't afraid that people would grow tired of her. Quite the opposite; she was afraid that people would enjoy seeing her suffer...and subject her to more and more of it as her career carried on. Given enough physical and emotional damage, it was possible one day that Caroline's fragile psyche wouldn't be able to handle any more. She could lose herself to it, becoming twisted by the abuse until it forced her down a different path...a darker path.

Giving into temptation – succumbing to one's desire to sin – was a concept vilified by the religion that Caroline had once called her own, but her fears weren't based on superstition. The path from good to evil was real, and Caroline knew just how dangerous it could be, because she had seen it happen before...

“Your story about Kei and Steven reminds me of another wrestler I watched on television years ago...one who did far worse than Steven ever could. Tell me, Jesse...have you ever heard of a girl named Talia Wilson? Or, to call her by the name that most people know her by...Dark Angel?” she asked, delaying the topic of her goggles for another moment.

She knows of the term jobber, though she also knows but does not mention to her the difference between that and an enchancement wrestler, but mentions some fans don't like it when things get too predictable. She does agree that some may like seeing her get slaughted, depends on the crowd that night, though it's something Caroline shouldn't worry about, at least not at the current moment in time. She mentions that she has heard of both names Talia was known as but admits she didn't pay much attention to her because at the time Jesse had a lot of things going on herself and she couldn't follow as many wrestlers' careers as others could. She is aware of what said person has done from conversation and personal research but doesn't feel threatened by her.

"Not to pry but it sounds like you're kinda dodging the question, did you want your goggles back or not?" She sounded confused by this but she wanted to know, cause the longer she had to guess the more partial guilt of it all is slowly getting to her and she wants to get that matter settled before more time passes.

Jesse's escalating desire to know whether Caroline wanted her goggles back overrode her own desire to continue talking about the AFW's seedy past, but she wasn't dodging anything. Talia's history was important to Caroline, because she was the best example of a wrestler who had arrived in the AFW with a disposition as sunny as hers, only to be twisted and broken by the harshness of the Friction league and reshaped into a monster, hellbent on revenge against her own former friends. It was a fate that Caroline feared she might share one day, if she proved unprepared for the road ahead.

And on that note, Caroline had an answer to Jesse's question that might surprise her...

“Hang onto them for now,” Caroline said in a tone of voice that, while not forceful, was far from her usual timidity. “In a real match, nobody is going to want a fair fight if they think they can score an easy win. They'll pull my goggles off if they can, and I won't always be able to stop them. If I hope to stand any chance where I'm headed, I'll need to know how to fight without them. I'll get them back when I manage to take them from you in another spar.”

Now that Jesse and her had both said their piece, the young trainee briefly turned to retire for the day...but then she turned back to Jesse one last time. “Hey, I...well...I wanted to thank you...for everything,” Caroline spoke softly, staring down at the ground to avoid letting her sensei see the reflective glimmer of tears in her eyes. “For being willing to train me even though I'm the opposite of an ideal wrestling student, and for offering to be by my side when I finally leave for Japan. No one in my family would've helped me like that – I was a stranger in their home, and I can never go back now that I've come this far. It scares me to think of all the nightmares waiting for me in the AFW, but knowing that I won't have to face them alone makes me think I'll be alright.”

Just to firmly emphasize her feelings on their relationship, and put the guilty Jesse at ease, Caroline dared to take a step closer and, outstretching her arms, hug the woman close for a moment. It was a brief hug, with Caroline quickly becoming too self-conscious to keep it up. Hopefully Jess wouldn't mind, but either way, it was her student's final act for the night. Turning from the woman with a confident smile on her face, Caroline walked away, aiming to get some shut eye in preparation for her next day of training.

She looked surprised when Caroline gave the answer that she did and asked if she was sure about that, but would not object to her answer. She nodded in agreement with Caroline's logic, hoping she'd be able to manage in the mean time with out them. She does admit that she still has to figure out things with her and if them both being there when Caroline goes would be best for their relationship, but she knows that they'll figure something and that she'll be there for Caroline when the time times.


Jesse was alright with her being hugged and returning the favour as well. While she says nothing out loud as Caroline heads off she comments to herself that Caroline looks kinda cute before taking off herself.

Over the next two weeks, Caroline's training would continue, and upon the return of Kei and Wes from their much needed vacation, the work they did together would start to ramp up. She decided not to initiate another challenge to Jesse to get her goggles back, preferring to wait until she had more skill...and more nerve. The fact that she was near blind in the ring didn't stop Kei from placing her in occasional spars with fellow students, and Caroline usually managed to keep up with them despite her obvious disadvantage. However, the spars were usually brief; there hadn't been many opportunities for Caroline to really test herself, to see if she could hold her own a little better since her very rough first encounter with Jesse in the ring.

Today was Friday, however, and Caroline was both excited and apprehensive about the day's challenges. Since it was the end of the week, and Kei preferred to keep things quiet during the weekend, training tended to be more intense on this day since the weekend offered students time to rest and let bruises heal. It was currently around noon, and Caroline and Kei were already working up a sweat together, while Jesse and Steven alternated between watching her training and flirting with each other. Still, there was nothing out of the ordinary going on...yet.

Admittingly, Kei wasn’t too sure what to do when she found out about what Caroline and Jesse did while she was away, which right now she was just having Caroline go over a few basic things they covered before West took off to join her on her vacation. She thought Caroline just misplaced her goggles at first but when she found out the truth she gave Wes a glare as if to question why he let it go on for so long and felt like skinning him alive. Part of her also wanted to ask Jesse what she was thinking, but her mind was put as ease when she found out that the girls worked it out, and that Wes was watching them go at it while it was going on. Part of her though did not like Caroline saying Jesse should still hold onto the goggles while they were still working out, but Caroline was an adult so she allowed her to make her own decision and not get involved, long as it didn’t endanger her life. Wes said she didn’t tell his wife about it because he didn’t want to worry her too much during her time off, that and she got an update from Lina at one point saying things were ok. Kei did take a moment to ask the girls if things were in fact fine. Jesse nodded, assuming things still were for the most part.

For the next little bit Kei would go over some submission holds. She wanted to do a little more things that would involve running/distance but knowing what is up with the goggles she decided to for now do things that are close, unless Caroline is comfortable with it. Mostly the older woman’s mindset was one that she was more considered of doing things safely than advancing into more complex things. But if Caroline said she was fine with it Kei would say she’ll do that next time they’re here.

Her eldest daughter Kayura was there as well, doing her own thing in another ring, working with the one student that offered to loan Caroline some wrestling tapes that had some of Kei’s old matches on it, who was helping with a workout body bag of some kind and keeping it upright as Kayura was really letting loose on it, mostly with strikes with a few take downs in there. Sion would soon come in to the workout area too, being joined by Daisuke, which it looked like they both came from the same room. Kei caught a glance at this, and after grinning a little bit she would stop what Caroline and Jesse were doing and called her two kids and daughter-in-law to her. She wanted to introduce Caroline to two of most of the important things in her life (other than Wes and wrestling of course), though she admits it took her most of her career to realize what she was missing out on. If Caroline remembers Kei telling some of her history she might get what Kei meant by that.

She first introduces her daughter-in-law Daisuke, then two of her kids Sion and Kayura. They were not her only kids but they were the only ones who had an interest in combat spots, though that doesn’t mean the rest haven’t been by here before. The three would smile and shake hands with Caroline as well as greet her.