So What if You Can See

Talia had watched entire match backstage. She had actually readied herself to run out to help her sister in case something went wrong. With Mamouru, Johnny, and Cassie all out there, Talia had expected something bad to happen to her sister. Thankfully, though, nothing did. The ending was somewhat of an expectation. Her encounter with Mamouru made her realize how sinister he was compared to the other two. To some extent, Talia really felt bad for Cassie to have to deal with such a man.

Sort of.

After the match, Talia made her way to the locker room. Her last encounters with Taylor and Akashi had really gotten her to think about things. And she really needed to get these thoughts out there to someone who would listen. All the others had made it clear where Talia stood with them. But not Cassie. Talia ducked into the bathroom to wait for Cassie to show up. As always she ran the risk of running into others which she sincerely hoped to avoid this time around.

"Just leave me alone, Johnny," Cassie said in a voice like a whisper. It wasn't open for discussion. She left him behind and walked into the locker room, where he couldn't follow anyway, or at least shouldn't.

She put one foot mindlessly in front of the other, arms hanging limp at her sides, until she reached her locker. She tried the combination, but messed it up and had to try again. The second try went no better than the first, and she was too exhausted to try again. She sat down on the bench with her hands in her lap, shoulders slumped, her head hung down as if her batteries were dying.

Oddly enough, that was how she felt. She had an ocean of tears to shed, but there was a wall between them and the windows of her eyes that kept them locked up inside. She felt nothing, almost nothing, but a profound numbness, a vacuum where her heart had been. She couldn't understand it. What had she done? How did she deserve any of this? And, most terrifying, what on earth could she do about any of it?

Talia had heard footsteps in the locker room and cautiously peered out. Unlike Cassie, she was wearing a hoodie and sweatpants. It wasn't like she wanted attention nowadays anyhow. What she saw was exactly what she had wanted to see. Cassie. Alone. Talia took a couple steps out into view while still a good distance away from Cassie. She didn't want to alarm her. Not just for Cassie's sake, but for her own. She didn't think she'd ever forget what Cassie did to her.

In the most peaceful way possible, Talia raised her voice to a level Cassie could probably hear. "Hey."

At first, Cassie didn't seem to hear. After a pause, she looked up, just long enough to recognize Talia, and the reality of it set in her shoulders slumped, slowly deflating like a leftover balloon after the party was over. She looked back at the floor in front of her.

Maybe Talia was there to take whatever revenge she still thought she needed. Maybe she'd put Cassie in the hospital, make her cough up blood, break her bones. She didn't care. She welcomed the idea, because at least that would be something else to occupy her mind. As it was, she couldn't stand being alone with her thoughts, and the things she saw when she closed her eyes.

Okay... That wasn't the response she expected. Talia cautiously took a few steps closer. Cassie didn't seem upset to see her, but she definitely seemed upset in general. After everything Taylor had said to her...practically in tears, she expected Cassie to suddenly grow horns and breathe fire on her the moment she saw her. But she didn't. She just looked forward and seemed to just give up or something. Talia tilted her head. She wasn't sure anymore what to think of the situation. Nevertheless, she had to say something while she could.

Talia crossed her arms and leaned against the locker four down from Cassie's. "Life kinda sucks doesn't it?"

Cassie exhaled sharply, but that was the only sound she made. She rolled her head slightly to the side and looked away from Talia. She imagined that Talia had reasons of her own to say something like that. She didn't wish them on her. It wasn't that she didn't care, it was just that none of it meant anything to her anymore. She couldn't muster the energy to empathize with the girl who had relentlessly gutted her life and turned it into a living hell.

She felt tension in her face and closed her eyes. For a moment, she only focused on her breathing, slowly in, slowly back out again. She wished that she could be like that, to float away and be free of her body and everything else. She imagined her breath floating away, up toward the ceiling, and wondered what it would be like to be up there, looking down on the scene with no attachments.

She opened her eyes and looked in front of her again, at her locker. She still had to open it. She could try again and leave, so that at least she could maybe get away from Talia for a little bit.

Once again Cassie ignored her. This was far more difficult than she thought it was going to be. What was Cassie's deal anyhow? Did she think ignoring Talia would just make her go away? She was finally trying to make contact with Cassie to try and repair as much of this as she could. Yet the girl didn't seem at all interested in a peaceful chat. Maybe Taylor was lying. Maybe it was all just an elaborate scheme of hers to make Talia seem like she had somehow harmed Cassie more than Cassie harmed her. She was finding it harder and harder to believe that Cassie was actually losing sleep over her.

Talia pulled the hood off her head. Her crimson red hair flowed down around her. She moved another step forward so she was only a couple lockers away from Cassie. "So...what's up?" she tried to ask in a civilized way. "Sorry about Mamouru by the way." Her apology was dual-meaning. "Thank you for not hurting Aurora by the way." Not that she didn't try.

Cassie could hardly believe that Talia was trying to make casual conversation. Was she insane? The mention of Mamouru made her stiffen, and her thanks for... that hurt. Of course she didn't hurt her! She had never wanted to hurt anyone! She just wanted to compete in the ring with all the lights and the people and the spectacle of pro wrestling. Everything else was a complete accident. A mistake.

She lowered her eyes again, and shifted slightly on the bench. It took her a few seconds to gather the will to speak.

In a pitiful, tiny voice, wavering on the verge of complete collapse, she said "You ruined my whole life."

Talia was trying. She really was. It wasn't like she could just open up to Cassie after what the two had been through. It felt impossible to undue the damage at this rate. Cassie wasn't even talking to her. Then she said those five words. And Talia wished Cassie had kept silent. "I-I ruin-" she stuttered. "Is that what you think?" she replied with sudden hostility. "That all of this. Everything. Is my fault?" She wished she wasn't so offended by everything everyone said. Maybe then she wouldn't be in such a bad place in the world. Talia rolled her eyes and looked away. Maybe this was all just another failed attempt of hers to fix things. Maybe things were meant to be broken.

Cassie seemed to shrink as Talia became upset, and if she could she would have disappeared entirely. It would never end. Nothing with Talia would ever change, and Cassie's life would forever be subject to her and her anger and her sister. But not Mamouru, at least not him. He was out of her life for good now, which was no big loss. He wasn't a good guy. The things he did, and the things he said...

She buried her face in her hands, and her breath came in gentle, halting sobs that shook her back. "I just want to die," she said. "I give up. Whatever you want, just take it, I don't care anymore."

She wished, more than anything else, that Talia would hit her, beat her up, make her cough up blood and put her in the hospital. She wanted to lay in a hospital bed with only the steady rhythm of her heartbeat to keep her company. She wished Talia had the courage to kill her, but she knew she didn't. Talia was every bit as weak and spineless as Cassie herself.