Ever Again

Akashi frowned as Taylor practically choked on her food. She wasn't going to get upset at the reaction. Akashi would probably react the same way. She wasn't going to get upset at Taylor's suggestion either. However, she wasn't just going to let it pass either. "Like... who?" She said and shook her head. "Taylor-chan... It's not like I just went out and PICKED Karina. It just... happened. It's not an easy thing, the heart."

Akashi sighed and put some food in her mouth so she had a few seconds to think. "I can't just go hit the bar and look for a new girlfriend! It's hard enough just walking down the street sometimes. And, if I just wanted sex, well... I already have that. I know that you just think I'm some big slut and, I am." Akashi said looking down. After a statement like that, she quickly gulped down another shot. "But that doesn't mean I don't want love and happiness! I had that with Mina. We were perfect for each other and it's ... it's just gone!" Akashi shook her head again.

"Karina-chan... It's not like I can explain it! Maybe you're right. Maybe I can do better but... she's... she's not like other girls. She gets me so riled up! But in a good way. She knows how to push my buttons. I can't explain it. I just know that I think about her more than I probably should and that if I don't at least attempt a relationship with her, then it might eat me alive. I'm not asking you to like it, or anything. You don't even have to like HER." Akashi threw her hands up. "Sometimes she makes it hard for ME to like her! But that is what is so infuriating about the situation! That thought stirs my heart!"

Akashi blushed deeply. "Plus... uh.... her family is really nice..." Another drink. That was what Akashi needed. She guzzled it down quickly. "D-Don't you judge me!" She said and pointed a finger at Taylor. "It's not like.... It's not like YOU'RE on the market, anyway!" Akashi slammed her sake cup down.

"H-How'sss it going anyway? Setting aside all that kissing business... How are is married life? How is Johnny-kun!? HOW IS THE SEX!?" She demanded and furrowed her brow. "I feel as though you're leaving this very important details out from our conversations, Taylor-chan!" Akashi tapped the table with her index finger and leaned forward.

"W-Why don't you two move back up to Tokyo, anyway? I mean, it's not like you're working right now. And Johnny-kun can just commute! I need you close.' Akashi pouted. "Settle down and get a house. Make me some nieces and nephews!" Akashi then frowned. "W-Wait... scratch that last part. I don't think I am so good with children."

Taylor put her hands up defensively. She wasn't going to fight that fight, but Akashi was obviously not over Mina, or at least not over what happened with Mina. The Karina thing would probably just play itself out pretty quickly, anyway. She couldn't imagine that psychopath being capable of keeping a relationship together.

She cracked a smile and her guilty eyes flitted away, and then she turned to the side and pulled up the hem of her shirt while bending the waist of her jeans down to show a fairly sizable bruise over her hip. "It's good," she said. "Really, really, really good. It's physical and intense and creative and we don't hold anything back. And he's amazing, too. Who would've ever guessed that some dude I picked up in a club when my self esteem needed a boost would turn out to be all this? It's crazy."

She looked down and shrugged. "I dunno about that. I... I mean, Johnny could commute, not that I'd want to ask him to, but... Don't take this the wrong way, but I wanted to be away from Tokyo. From Friction. Not from you, but from everything that reminded me of it. I had to get clean and get my head together, and... you know all that." She looked back up at Akashi and raised her eyebrows sheepishly. "But maybe, who knows. I don't think we'll be doing kids anytime soon, though. We're really young, and we've got other stuff to do, so it's cool. I'm not sure I'd ever do that... I mean, can you imagine me as a mom? If I turned out at all like my mom, I'd kill myself."

Akashi grinned as Taylor showed off a bruise. The way she spoke, that was something Akashi understood. That was how it was with Mina. And something that was still like with Karina as well. She giggled at Taylor's words.

"I know, Taylor-chan. I know." Akashi said in a gentle tone. "I mean... You've been out of wrestling for a while now. Aren't you clean? Isn't your head together? Then what's wrong with coming back to Tokyo? What... are you afraid you'll get sucked back in? As much as I want to beg you to come back, I already said my peace on the issue. Whatever, it's fine." Akashi said and crossed her arms under her chest, turning her head. After a moment, she sighed.

I think that you would be a much better mother than me, Taylor-chan." She said as she cracked a smile. "But, I agree on the last part. I love my mother but..." Akashi shook her head. "I think sometimes she's downright certifiable!"

Akashi's eyes lit up as the dessert and another bottle of sake was brought in. At this point, she was well past drunk, but it didn't stop her from pouring another drink. After tipping back the shot, she sighed and tugged at her kimono, exposing more of her chest. "But... seriously, Taylor-chaaaan." She said and looked at Taylor with a goofy grin. "When are you coming back, huh? They.... apparently," Akashi growled, "won't let ME get back in the title hunt, so I need something to dooooo. I already said I wouldn't be in Kamikaze without you! And nyeeeehhhhhh." Akashi's head flopped forward. "Tayloooooor-chaaaaaaan!" Akashi whined.

"I know, Kashi, I know," Taylor said softly. It was hard to see Akashi struggling the way she was. She was used to her always being the one with a strong sense of identity and purpose and being confident, and now their role reversal was almost dizzying.

"So me and my mom never got along, you know that. We fought each other every day, all the time, with everything. She stopped telling me to do things pretty quick, because... she probably just didn't have the energy to fight me on that, but she'd tell me things, ya know, make her little comments and stuff. I kinda came and went whenever I wanted, and I thought that was the best thing she ever did for me. I just wanted to be as far away from her as I could.

"And then when I had the chance to get away from her and from everything back there, I took it. And when I get out, I get all the way out. Coming to Japan is about as far away from home as I could get, and I haven't been back. I've talked to her on the phone maybe twice, around when my dad died, and that's it. I cut ties, and I thought that once I was here I could be myself, without her to mess me up.

"Then Friction happened, and eventually I realized that was in the way too, so I got out. I thought that wasn't who I was, and it was making me something I wasn't, and didn't want to be, so then without that I could be myself and be happy.

"But then... being married is really what made me think. A lot of who I am is because of Johnny. It's what I do, how I think... Without him, I'd be someone else, but it's not because he's stopping me from being me. He's helping me be me. And you have too, and Cassie, and... AFW, and my mom. I think I've run away from things that..."

She laughed out loud. "Shit, I think I'm not helping my case here, but I'm being serious. I think the things around you and the people help make you who you are, but it's everything. Not just one thing. You're not just 'Friction Champ', so not being the champ anymore isn't the end of the world. And... I know everything's different for you... But if Mina and AFW are different or gone or whatever, that's okay. You still have me."

She poured and threw back her second shot. "And you've got to fucking get over Mina, Kashi. I mean it. You're not fooling anyone."

Akashi carefully sipped some more sake and ate some dessert while Taylor spoke. When Taylor finished, Akashi smiled softly and looked Taylor in the eyes. "You know that I can't just do something a little bit. It's all or nothing and I'm really really stubborn. That's probably why we can have such a deep bond. As different as we are, neither of us backs down from anything. Whether it's wrestling or relaxing, we don't stop until there's nothing left. Of it, or us." Akashi chuckled.

"I know what you're ssaying but... Mina-chan... she was my Johnny-kun. She was my everything and now she's gone and left another big hole in my heart. I don't know if that will ever be healed fully. I'm doing my best and I'm not just lusting after Karina-chan. I have real feelings for her! Maybe there is a part of me that is trying to fill a hole but...."

Akashi lowered her head. "I've been trying to fill holes my whole life. Ever since my father died, there's been an empty part inside of me. I...." Akashi shut her eyes. "I still miss him and I barely knew him!" She dug her fingers into the edge of the table, her face curling into a sneer. "I talk to him more than anyone else and he's been dead for twenty fucking years."

Akashi lifted her head and glared at Taylor. Her eyes gleamed with tears that she seemed to be holding back with sheer force of will. "The people who get closest to me are always the ones who end up leaving me when I need them most. I almost lost you, twice." She said as her voice cracked. Akashi reached for the sake bottle and poured a shaky glass, spilling some of it on the table. She then lifted up the bottle and began to chug from that instead.

"They won't let me into the dohyou... I don't know if I would go there anyway, even if I could now. The AFW is my home. The ring is the only place where I don't feel like a completely miserable and pathetic human being." AkAshi gripped the shot glass tightly and stared down at the table as if she were trying to bore holes into it. Salty tears dripped from her eyes but she remained stoic.

"I'm fine." She said tersely. "I'm just drunk. And I'm going to keep drinking until I pass out or until I have sex. I'm also horny." Akashi added as her stern look turned into a pout. "I need to stop visiting my father's grave, I think. If he hasn't figured out by now that I'm a daughter who is worth being proud of, then he's never going to. I need to get over Mina-chan. She's not coming back no matter how much I want her to." Akashi then lifted her head and looked at Taylor. "I need to get you back to Tokyo. Back to AFW. It's where you belong as well. It's where your family is. It's your home."

"Well, you almost did, and now we know you never can," Taylor said. She was a firm believer that the things you survive are the things that make you strong. It's how everything in the world worked.

She frowned. She realized she'd eaten almost nothing. It wasn't surprising that Akashi had out-eaten her and had more to drink, but she just wasn't as interested in the food as she was in the conversation. She saw in Akashi that she was hurt in ways that were too deep for well-placed words to reach, and that hurt her.

But it was Akashi's last remark that hit Taylor hardest. She wanted to do anything she could for Akashi, and part of her thought she was right. Maybe she should be in Tokyo. She felt like she'd abandoned her friends for petty, personal reasons, but she knew they weren't petty. She thought they weren't. But coming back to AFW was just something she couldn't think about...

"Kashi..."

Her face softened, and she looked down at the table. A slow, sad metamorphosis happened that was like watching a flower blooming in reverse, or watching her heart break. She silently began to cry and put her hand to her forehead to hide her face.

Akashi's eyes widened as Taylor's face began to change. "No..." She whispered as Taylor began to sob. "No, no, no." She muttered and stood up. Akashi practically crawled over to Taylor and wrapped her arms around Taylor's head.

"Imouto-chan." She cooed. "I'm not trying to force you to do anything I just..."

Akashi leaned forward and pressed her lips against the top of Taylor's head. One hand slid down and pressed against Taylor's chest. "What's in your heart, Taylor-can?" She asked. "I know what's in mine and... if we're truly sisters, our hearts can't be far off."

Taylor leaned her head against Akashi and limply let herself be held. Sumo were good for that.

She was almost completely silent while tears slowly welled up in her eyes and overflowed one by one, making the trek down her cheeks until she eventually blotted them with her arm. She stiffened slightly, as if she was preparing to say something.

Instead, she let out a measured breath, relaxed, and nodded.

Akashi smiled and lifted up her hand, wiping away Taylors tears. She pulled away, keeping her hand on Taylor's shoulder. "I love you, Imouto-chan. And things are going to be better than OK, they're going to be great. You'll see."

Akashi then pulled away from Taylor and sat back on her pillow. "Come on now!" She said as she poured two shots of sake. "You barely touched your food! This is a happy occasion! No more tears!" Akashi said and raised her glass. She then grinned. "What are we toasting to, Imouto-chan?"

Taylor quickly dried her eyes and blinked her eyes clear. She smiled, a little embarrassed about having broken down like that. She couldn't hide her feelings from Akashi, but she really wanted to hide them from herself. If only that were possible.

"I ate more than usual," she said. Which was true, mostly. Taylor could never get the hang of eating with other people, though Akashi was one of the few exceptions to that rule. She picked up her glass and held it up to Akashi's.

"To..." She thought for a moment. "Everything. Everything that makes you, you and me, me, and to us, forever and ever again."

She clinked her glass and threw back the shot. She felt like words came much more easily to her now that she didn't use them all to try to mock and infuriate. These days she felt like maybe she was smarter than she thought. Maybe she wasn't a complete idiot, but she kept that idea to herself, in case she found out she was wrong. She shook her head and grinned at Akashi. "After this, let's go get into trouble."