A Mother & Father... Were We?

Clyde's hands would slip off of Heather's shoulders as she walked away, watching her climb onto the bed alone, without him and saying something that truly did hurt Clyde, something he regretted telling Heather now because of what it earned him.

"But Heather no... That's not how I feel... I wanna..." Clyde would begin to say, unable to tell Heather. "I wanna be a Father... I wanna raise a family with you..."

Perhaps it was best he left then, he needed some air and a few pints to drown himself in until he was too sick to stand. This prompted Clyde to head over to the drawer and remove his shorts before getting into another pair of blue jeans. He was leaving again.

"Don't wait up on me. Alessa will lock the door." Clyde would say, making sure he had his wallet, his phone and his knife on him.

As Heather walked over to the bed, she could barely hear what Clyde was beginning to say as the million thoughts of this night were running through her head. She honestly just wanted the night to be over, with all that had happened, and she couldn't stand that she felt that way.

Climbing into the bed, Heather would get under the covers, throwing them over her up to her shoulder as she lie on her side. She would grasp the blanket tightly as she lie there, hearing Clyde shuffle around in the room in the drawer. She would, every couple seconds, shift her eyes to where he was before averting them again until finally she heard his words.

Saying nothing, she would curl up a little more in the bed, nodding her head as she did, hoping he would either see or hear her moving around as she stared at the wall.

Clyde was just about ready to leave. He needed to get away from all this. His chest hurt now and he wanted it to stop. Was he not a man? Then why did he feel like he wanted to cry. No one ever told him it was okay to do cry. His Mother and His Sister both voiced their opinion that crying isn't something a man does. And that was all Clyde sought to be in this messed up world he put himself in.

Looking at Heather, Clyde felt like the lowest piece of shit right now. What did he just do? He was trying to keep the relationship between him and Heather together but was probably destroying it with everything that he was doing. Clyde knew where he was going trouble was waiting for him but he didn't want to leave Heather like this. He couldn't bare to have her hate him so he went over to the bed and climbed in beside her, facing her back and pressing his abdomen against it, trying to wrap his arm over her body, resting his chin beside her shoulder, whispering into her ear.

"...You hate me now, don't you?" He'd ask her.

As Heather lie there, staring at the wall, she would feel the bed move around, knowing that meant Clyde was climbing in with her. She would click her tongue, closing her eyes tight before she would feel him push himself up against her, wrapping his arm around her body. She would shuffle around a bit, letting out a long sigh before she would hear his words.

"No, Clyde...I don't..I hate everything you've said to me tonight though." Heather would let out, remaining still as she stared at the wall. "I really need some time right now Clyde. I didn't expect all this tonight. I just..really..need some time." She would let out, gripping the covers tighter as she did.

Hearing Heather's reaction to the way he got in the bed with her, followed by her words. Clyde felt really uneasy again. Never before had he felt so unwelcome by Heather since their very first meeting. Though she said she didn't hate him, he still felt like she did inside and he honestly felt death was better thing than having to endure this horrid paining guilt and sorrow in his chest.

"You'll... Get time... I dunno when I'm comin' home... But I promise you, I ain't goin' out to drink... I left that road behind for you..." He'd tell her softly with his eyes starting to water up heavily, not bothering to wipe his eyes since Heather couldn't see them. He wasn't weak. Couldn't show weakness.

"...I love you, Heather... I always will..." He'd tell her, choking up a bit as he said this. "It's just... Those things that happen... They scare me... I don't wanna lose you..."

"Thank you..Clyde..Really." Heather would let out at his words, claiming that he wasn't going to go out drinking. She would tap her finger on the blanket a bit, not knowing what to say back to him before she would hear him continue on.

"I..I love you too Clyde.." Heather would say, taking a deep breath in and out as she heard his voice choking up. "Clyde wh..wherever you're going, don't get into too much trouble...be careful with yourself.." She would let out, her eyes jetting around the room a bit before she would close them tight.

"...I'll be honest... I don't feel like I got anythin' to lose right now... Heh" Clyde would confess hesitantly before laughing very lightly and briefly as he held onto Heather, expecting her to break away most likely. He knew she didn't want him right now.

"...Do you really mean it when you tell me to be careful?" He'd ask her, expecting a cold answer.

"..Stop talking like that Clyde.." Heather would let out as Clyde kept his arm around her. She wanted to pull it off her, but she couldn't. She wanted the comfort, but she didn't want to keep up this conversation with Clyde after all that was said.

"O..Of course I do. Why would you ask me that??" Heather would say, shaking her head as she continued to stare at the wall, her legs curling up a bit more.

"...B-Because I'm scared... I... I don't even remember the last time Me and You made love because we've been so busy... All these matches we're doin'... Then I see other girl's just walking all over you and doing those things to you... I can Tell you enjoy it... And it bothers me... It eats away at me..." Clyde would confess as few tears began to pour down his face. He felt so weak for that right now.

"...One on the first day we met I had feelings for ya... And I fought them so hard... But then when you... You... You Took Me... I knew that I did have feelings for ya... That I loved you enough to not care whether or not you forced it onto or not... Because I wanted it... To be with you... And If I can fall for you like that... The same can happen to anyone else... And I'm afraid of that." Clyde would say with sorrow filled words as he finally expressed his fears.

"Clyde e..every time we're together, every night I'm here we do.." Heather would say before she heard the rest of Clyde's statement. "What..I just..I..Do not like it.." Heather would let out, shuffling around a bit as she spoke before she would hear Clyde continue on, clearly with a saddened tone.

"I know..I know all that. But Clyde im telling you I........I'm..I'm not going to do that, stop saying that I would please...you're killing me right now Clyde. I don't want to hear this, that you think that would happen. I told you Clyde I need time, please im begging you to stop." Heather would let out, the tears coming down from her eyes as well now as she spoke, gripping the covers tighter and tighter.