Soft Serve Death

Val carefully watched Cassie. Her face was stoic as she watched the girl slowly deteriorate. Not that she had become a wreck but she seemed to go from an even keel and face to somewhat flustered to crying. It was something Val didn't really experience to often. When Cassie was finished. Val remained silent. She turned her head and looked down. She knew that she was supposed to do something but she wasn't quite sure. She reached out her hand timidly and then set it on Cassie's shoulder.

She left it there in silence before pulling her hand back and turning again, clasping her hands together. "Elliot comma Cassie." She said. "You are with the being right. I am not with the understanding. I am with the believing that the taking of lives is with the only use I am having. You are with the believing that this is not the case?" She asked as she tilted her head slightly. Frowning a bit, she turned back away from Cassie. "I am with the believing that I was with the having good family. I am with the thinking that I could have been having friends." Val then stopped once more. "I..." she didn't really have an answer for what Cassie was saying. She did understand that life was precious. But her job was to remove it, to make it go away. She couldn't just stop. And even if she did stop the life she would leave behind wouldn't allow her to just become 'normal'

"I am not with the understanding. How can you be with the having feelings like that? We are not even with the knowing one another. It is with the being impossible to leave my life behind and start over. As it is with the standing, when I am with the being killed, there would be with the being no one who would be with the caring." She said it again. "When, Elliot comma Cassie, not if. They will be with the finding me. They will be with the putting down a dog who escapes its master. And if my former masters are with the no longer pursuing me there are new and bigger dogs who are with the wanting to remove competition. What if you and I were to be out for loosey goosey day out, with the having of iced cream and being with the laughing and cheering and someone were to use you to get to me? What should I be with the doing then?"

Val's brow was furrowed as she spoke and her fingers were clenched tightly. "We are with the being from two different worlds. We are not even being with the able to criss-cross on how we are with the thinking about ideals. I am with the understanding that life is with the being precious. I am with the understanding this even though it is with the being job to take it. Maybe I am with the understanding it better than most." She then turned her head away from Cassie. "My heart is with the being frozen Cassie comma Elliot so that you are with the being able to keep yours. To be with the getting involved with me is to be with the inviting trouble."

"Careful, your emotions are showing." Cassie said with a hint of venom in her tone. Then she was silent for a while.

She didn't know anything or understand anything about where Val came from or what her situation was. But she didn't care. The dissonance between what she needed life to be like and what Val said hers was like was incredibly frustrating.

"You don't have to understand someone to love them. Just like how you don't have to be near them or see them everyday for them to be important to you. And everything can change in a day. You'd know this if you weren't too scared." She said with finality, as though she'd just spoken undeniable truth.

Val looked at Cassie carefully again. Her response seemed different than the last time. The Finn really wasn't sure about what to do now. "You are with the thinking that I am with the having fear?" She asked. This was definitely something that Valkoinen didn't understand. She'd never been afraid in her life. Training aside, she had known from a young age that the things that most people feared were not that frightening.

Val lifted her head up and opened her mouth. "Elliot comma Cassie, Perhaps there is with the being one person who I may be with the protecting. I am with the thinking that even if she was not with the paying me then I may still be with the protecting her." She paused and lifted her finger to her lips. "But I am not with the being totally sure. There is also wimpy simpy pool boy. I was with the saving her life once too I think. She is with the being friend I think?" Val furrowed her brow. "If Cassie comma Elliot is with the thinking that we are friends then I would be with the guessing that pool boy and I are with the being friends as well." She turned her head and waved her hand dismissively at Cassie. "But if we are with the going by your loosey goosey definition then I am with the having billions and billions of friends."

Cassie was at a loss. She couldn't think of how their training together had led them to this point, and she couldn't think of a thing to say. This squeaky little murderer in front of her was definitely really difficult. It was like she was a totally different species and the two of them were not at all conversationally compatible. But did that change anything? Probably not. Definitely not.

With a heavy sigh, Cassie said "Of course you're afraid. The only thing you could be more is in denial that you're afraid. That's why you run around and that's why you've never done anything other than what you were taught and that's why you don't care about people. You don't need to be, though."

At some point during Cassie's mid-teen years, as she would say, she fell really really in love with everyone in the world. Her parents both knew it. They always said she was special, but never gave her any hints as to what she should do about it. Loving people was such hard work. Especially because most of them would never love you back, not really. Sometimes it was exhausting. Those fragile, emotionally spent moments were the times when she really needed someone to comfort her. It was always one of her parents or her oldest brother, and when they held her she always felt safe and reassured. It was like warmth that passed through their skin. But now she was off on her own in a strange place surrounded by strange people who didn't love her back and had no interest in comforting her. That fact alone, Cassie reasoned, made her an adult.

Val pondered Cassie's words for a moment. "Nyet." She said finally. "I am not with the understanding. I am not with the feeling this fear you speak of." But she was, at least a little intrigued by Cassie's words. Maybe she should try and see the point the girl was making. but she didn't think it was going to be possible. "Elliot comma Cassie, would you be with the being sad if I were to be with the being killed?" She then paused. "And if you are with the answering yes, then why? Is it because you are with the being sad because you are with the feeling sadness for lost life in general or would it be because I, Valkoinen, were killed? You are with the having warm heart but I am with the thinking it beats for everyone."

She then turned her head. "And what is with the being difference between leaving to be with the living somewhere else and being with the dying while on mission?" She asked. "The result is with the being same. There is with the being hole in heart. Only with the having knowledge of circumstances is the result with the having meaning." Valkoinen then stood up. 'What is with the being difference between told to care and with the being told not to care? Maybe you are with the having fear that your compassion will be with the running out?" Valkoinen wasn't the best at this sort of psychological thinking but she wasn't trying to change Cassie's viewpoint. The red head was the one who seemed to be determined for Valkoinen to see a new way of life.

Even if all Cassie said was true though, Val had been conditioned to be a certain way. She was molded into an emotionless killer. It would take more than a few simple words to undo almost a decade of conditioning.

"Yes, of course I'd be sad if you died. I really like people, but that doesn't mean that I love my brother any less, or my friends any less. I know you, now, and I'd miss you if you died even if I hadn't seen you for years. That's how it works. If I was just concerned about people in general, then I'd never be sad to lose anyone because there'd always be billions of people left."

Cassie realized that the frustration she was feeling was the result of trying to change someone in one sitting. But she always just wanted everything to be right. It wasn't easy for her to admit that there were limitations to how much she could help. She looked over at Val, red eyed, and studied her. "For an emotionless block of ice, you certainly have a big heart. Even if it's just feeling awkward that's kept you here, you're still here. I've had friends that wouldn't take the time to talk to me like this."

A sly smile sneaked around Cassie's face. "There's a little pin-sized hole in your armor, but I see right through it. I know that you're not going to just all of a sudden be all warm and fuzzy, and you don't have to be, but that doesn't mean that there isn't room for you to grow. You're like one of the little Japanese cows that they raise in a box so they stay tender. The Russians put you in a box, and you've filled it out pretty well but you've never grown past it."

With sudden resolve, Cassie hopped up and went to her gym bag that lay nearby. She rummaged through for a moment and pulled out a pen. She grabbed Val's hand and pulled her arm out, and then started to write her address and phone number across Val's forearm. "This means that wherever you happen to be, you'll always know that you can find me. Okay? If I never see you again, then okay, but if you ever want to... feel free to look me up. We can sit on wrestling mats and talk about our feelings again." She snickered. "You're such a girl."

Val shook her head at Cassie's words. "I am not with the having big heart!" She squeaked in protest. "I was only with the giving chance to explain. That is with the being it." Her crimson eyes widened in protest but then narrowed again. "Nyet!" She said as she clenched her fist. "You are with the seeing nothing!" She wrinkled her nose. It seemed almost like she was playing with Cassie now.

She stepped past Cassie and put her shirt back on. By the time she was done putting it back on, she felt Cassie grab her hand and write some information on it. She furrowed her brow as she looked at Cassie again. "I am with the already having this information!" She exclaimed. She then turned to leave, looking back art Cassie before fully turning around and stepping towards the girl. "Dasvidania, Elliot comma Cassie." She said as she looked Cassie in the eyes. She then tilted her head and grinned brightly, almost unnaturally before glomping Cassie with a tight hug. "Good luck!" She chirped before stepping away, her face instantly returning to its scowl before she turned back and made to leave.

Cassie giggled. "Oh, okay. I guess I see nothing." She twinkled.

"I figured you had it, but now I've given it to you. It's different." Cassie almost flinched when Val smiled, taken totally by surprise, and then... a hug? After the shock of it cleared, Cassie gave her a big, affectionate squeeze back.

Was she faking it? Or acting or something? Well, really what did it matter. Cassie took it as a small victory. As Val began to walk away, Cassie laughed and called after her. "You just said we'd meet again! I'll hold you to it!" She watched her leave then stooped to collect her gym bag. It was time for lunch and a nap. When she looked back up her eyes were blurred by new tears. Pretty good day so far, she thought.