Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Here she was on a cool February day, wearing blue jeans, boots and a pink puffy jacket to keep warm. On top of her head was a white knit cap that Alaina kept adjusting in an uncharacteristically fidgety manner. She wore some eye liner wanting to look good. She dreaded that makeup may have been a mistake.

Alaina was right outside the place she bumped into Bryan, and up until now it was a place she held dear to her heart. Now, seeing him made her nervous. The worst part is it hadn't been anything he did. It was her.

Pacing back and forth she anxiously checked her phone to see if he sent a message about running late or something.

Nothing.

Taking another deep breath she looked up at the sky, telling herself she could make it through this without crying. "Come on So, you can do this." she mutter quietly aloud, sounding far more sheepish than she intended.

*Allie...there's something I need to tell you...Allie...it just feels like something's off...Allie...I'm a colossal asshole who doesn't deserve you...* Bryan's repeated thoughts were bouncing around his head like a tag-team ping-pong match as he started waltzing to their agreed upon meeting place. A place where they quite literally bumped eachother and started a relationship that sadly wasn't going in the direction it had started in. The summery weather when they first met now having a winter's chill to it that may have been pretty appropriate symbolization of what they were going through.

He was warm enough in his brown leather jacket with inner lining and matching skullcap. Bryan was still rehearsing how he should best break the news about what he had done, but his thoughts would take a backseat once her spotted Alaina gazing out over the waves, looking as beautiful as ever....man this was going to suck.

"H-hey...sorry for keeping you waiting. Traffic was just a bitch and parking was...uh, ya know. How are you, Allie?" Bryan stopped trying to make excuses for his tardiness and just greeted her with an awkward hug if she would accept it.

Alaina's own nerves and anxiety seemed present in Bryan as he approached. Alaina didn't fully notice or get upset at him being late. She hugged him back and it felt like something was off... forced even.

It was like making two like sides of a magnet touch. "I'm all right. I mean, I have been doing good how about you?" Alaina asked, knowing full well if she had been a dedicated girlfriend she would have known the answer. She was already starting to tear up, blinking and looking away to hide the telltale signs. "I think we need to talk, In have something I have to come clean about."

"Ah...you know. Hanging in there...Surviving..." Bryan's cold, awkward response came with a hug that just as unnatural. It was more like a half-hearted patting around eachother's back. Despite finally being within arm's reach of each-other after such a long hiatus, it still felt like they couldn't have been farther apart. Thinking back to how naturally they gelled together during their hospital trip dressed as superheroes and the amazing night thereafter...it was just like...they were on polar opposite sides of the spectrum now. With no hint of that spark left to be found.

"Huh?...umm, oh yeah sure. What's up Allie? I've got something I need to say as well, but it's probably best if you go first." Bryan stated with his hands in pockets and a puzzled look on his face from what looked like Allie trying to avoid eye contact with him for some reason. He though it best he go last since knew that what he had to say would probably end the conversation on the spot with an open palmed slap to his face before she storms off in tears.

Ok, Alaina had the floor, his undivided attention and that was what she wanted.  At least that is what she thought.  She was more nervous than words could express.

"Ok... I just, like... I am not a good girlfriend.  We both have been wrapped up in other things, and for me it was my career.  I have been so focused on that and I've neglected you.  I didn't call or see you the way I should have.  We've been like that with each other for a few months I think."  Alaina said, shaking her head.    She wanted to be to the point but she was nervous, and upset with herself.  "I know I have felt this way for a while and.... I....."  Alaina cut off, trying to wipe the tears from her eyes.  So much for not crying

It was safe to say that Bryan was more than a little taken aback by all of this. Here he was, about to pour his own soul out, when it looked like Alaina was apparently beating him to it. Or she was at least was trying to. Bryan was well aware that Allie can get all caught up in herself when her emotions were running high. But he knew he had to intervene when he spotted her tears flowing.

"WhoaWhoa...Hey now, come here..." Bryan embraced Allie in a much more affectionate and genuine hug than before, with a hand on the back of her head and waist. This embrace no doubt feeling different because it was coming from the heart, and he could tell Allie needed it. Bryan than started escorting them both to a nearby bench so they could sit, take a breather, and try to talk things through.

"Listen...I know we haven't been clicking like we used to, and our careers have been pulling us in opposite directions, but I don't wanna hear you say you haven't been an awesome girlfriend. I should've been the one to man up and keep us from drifting apart like this. Trust me, I'M at fault here. I'm...I'm just...a colossal asshole who doesn't deserve you, not after the shit I've done..." Bryan looked down at his feet as the guilt was continuously mounting up inside of him.

Alaina appreciated Bryan more than ever right now. She knew she was a mess, and she felt like it was she that drove them apart not him. Alaina looked up confusingly when Bryan began to berate himself, now knowing what to make of it. "No, it was my own self-absorbtion that led to this... and to me being a total bitch. Bryan, no matter what you think you did it pales compared to what I did. I..." Alaina paused, she needed to take another deep breath.

It was gong to be hard to say, but she knew that the longer she waited the less able she would be to spit it out. "Bryan, I haven't been faithful. One day at the gym I bumped into an old rival of mine, Daisuke Takeuchi. We fought as usual, and I won as usual." Alaina said with a tiny grin forming, her clinging to whatever positives she could at this point. "But in a moment of stupid weakness and 'woe is me' I felt like that guy, as much of a pain as he was, always paid attention to me and cared about me. I dunno what was going on with him on his end but for the first time... maybe ever... we had a normal, nice conversation afterward. I... I can't believe i am saying this..... I kissed Daisuke."

Alaina buried her head in her hands and fought off the tears as best she could. "You deserve someone better than me Bryan, and that is the truth...."

You ever have that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach? Like someone put several hefty rocks into your stomach that weighed you down?...well, Bryan's rocks felt like boulders when he finally heard Alaina out from beginning to end. His world was blown several times over as he found himself stuck in a maelstrom of emotions. The obvious heartache that came from hearing your partner say that she had been unfaithful...confusion over how any of this could happen in the first place...and amazement at the sheer coincidence of him having done the same. Especially when he heard the name "Takeuchi"...and after a few seconds in dim-witted introspection he made the connection between his Takeuchi and...Alaina's.

Bryan stared vacantly out over the washing waves of the seashore and let everything sink in for him as he slumped back in the wooden bench. Eventually he took a deep breath and sat forward while covering his own face except for his eyes still gazing forward...finally lowering his arms after a few seconds to hang off of his knees once he knew what he had to do.

"...*phew*...Last week, I had just gotten off a modeling gig at the AFW main building. I was strolling around, shooting the breeze...when I saw this girl...just...glowering, at the other models. It just felt weird...someone that pretty doin her best to look ugly...Instinctively, I tried cheering her up by offering her, ya know? Just offered her a drink and a chance to hear her story. We talked about modeling...wrestling...life. She just had this...spark to her, and this smile that cut right through me. Anyway...one drink led to another...and eventually we decided to have a little spar just for fun. In the end...no one won...because...we ended up kissing in the heat of the moment. Her name...was Ami Takeuchi."

Bryan took a long breath before taking off his hat and running his hand through his hair before looking down at the ground. "...I'm sorry, Allie. I guess I'm no different than the guy you dated before me, the one who broke your heart. It looks like all we're doing here...is hurting eachother, aren't we?"

Alaina felt awful now. Her stomach was doing backflips, and her fluttering heart was pounding now. Hell, just breathing halfway normal was seemingly impossible at this point. "Ami... " Alaina said as she buried her head in her hands shaking it back and forth. "I can't get mad. I did the same thing. I was so 'me first' and career focused that i drove you to another woman. So you are wrong, this isn't like the last guy. You're better than him. It is me that isn't any better." Alaina said as she turned and walked a couple steps away from Bryan, again wiping tears from her face. She didn't know what to do. She was at a total loss for words.

She wished she could have talked to Charlie in person. Instead a call back to San Diego would have to suffice to hear his oddly humor filled wisdom. Alaina took a deep breath and turned back to Bryan. "You... me... we both messed up. I think it is because we don't mean what we used to to each other." Alaina choked out, a weight off her shoulders for saying something that was evidently true, but incredibly painful to say. She wanted to deny that it was true, but deep down she knew she couldn't.

Bryan may not have had a father growing up, but he knew there were times when a man needed to be stalwart and unwavering for the betterment of those around him. When you needed to show strength to sort of keep situations under control, and let people know that things were going to be alright. But even he was finding it more and more difficult to keep his voice from getting choked up about all of this, especially after seeing the tears in Allie's eyes and hearing the lump in her throat as she tried to vent all that she had to say.

Bryan stood up and watched Alaina trail off the bench, the model athlete briefly looking back at the shore as if it was giving him the peace of mind to keep himself focused before turning back to Allie. "...I don't think it's just that, Allie. I think...we we're good for eachother. Like, really good for eachother. To the point where we helped eachother straighten out our careers, sort out our life. And put us on the right path towards achieving what we want outta this business. And it just so happens...that those paths...are taking us in different directions. But I think we'll always mean something to eachother...no matter where those paths lead us...right?"

Bryan put his chilly hands in his pockets from the cold weather, hoping that he was making any sense at all with what he was saying here.