SD III: Laura Leiner promo

Preceded by: SD III: Tornado Tag match - UK Elite vs. Shimada Stallions
Followed by: SD III: The Dasher Challenge

[This character is a parody. All jokes at other wrestlers/wrestler names are meant in good humour, and non-serious. Besides, Laura really is this dumb.]




When thinking about it, the fact that Laura Leiner was having herself a moment on a PPV let alone right after a tag title quality match would surely raise some eyebrows. The woman hadn't even competed in a sanctioned match, hell, her profile had become something of an urban myth within the locker-room. But such a fact did not matter to the self professed 'Genetic Freak.'

If anything, the fact she wasn't on last for the main event was an insult.

Far too full of herself to even bother viewing the match prior to her promo slot let alone learning the outcome, Laura would take to the rafters as she awaited the signal behind the crimson curtain, microphone already strapped unceremoniously to her thigh. As usual, simply put, no one had an honest clue what the woman was about to do or say. Or what the hell she was hoping to gain from it.


The crowd giving a average-resounding cheer, Laura's reception was noticeably better than her past two times. Not for popularity, of course. Laura Leiner's promos were often described as humorous, but the crowd was rarely laughing with her. Not that she'd ever notice.

Pacing at slow speed with arms to her side, momentarily flexing, Laura's focus was as ever difficult to discern, even more so behind that grey-ish mask of hers. Approaching the ring, she'd give but a few stretching-like hops to either side, before preparing to mount the apron. Albeit, before she did, something appeared to have caught her eye. Walking over at a controlled pace to a nearby fan who hadn't done anything especially notable to deserve her attention, the muscle bound brute would swipe something from his hand, something that was first unseen to everyone else. Of course, not without some fond words.

"GIMME THAT, FATTY."

With the item now to her hand, she would resume her entrance, mounting the ring apron before sliding through the ropes, quickly taking the microphone from the strap to her thigh in her free hand. The audience already whiled up from the preliminary tag match, it now seemed up to Tension's top mouth piece to build them further.

"SO...LEMME...GET...THIS...STRAIGHT..."

Her signature words prior to her near never-ending rants seemed to gain another surprising cheer from the crowd, who seemed eager to hear what the established clown was going to brag about tonight.

"LAURA LEINER FINALLY GETS TO SHOWDOWN, AND SHE'S NOT IN THE MAIN EVENT. BAH GAWD YOU MUST BE YANKING MY 42 INCH, SOLID MUSCLE CHAIN!" Pacing around the ring, Leiner was evidently becoming quicker at 'getting into the zone' for these ranting moments. "NOT ONLY THAT, BUT YOU PUT ME RIGHT ON AFTER THE A COUPLE OF HOMELESS ROYALES FIGHT SOME ACTUAL HORSES? WHAT IS THIS, A PAY-PER VIEW OR A GODDAMN TEXAS RODEO?!" Gripping the nearby ropes to over-exaggerate her sigh, the crowd seemed as ever immused by the parodies the muscular giant was throwing out.

If only they knew, that she was a hundred percent serious in her words.

She genuinely believed the opening match to a tension PPV to be a tag match between the homeless and some real-life horses.

"AND IF YOU THINK THAT'S A JOKE, JUST WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU GET AFTER SEEING THE GENETIC FREAK. "THE DASHER CHALLENGE." THIS APRIL FOOLS? LAURA LEINER GONNA TELL ALL YOU GENETIC FREAKS OUT THERE, THAT I'D ANSWER THAT IF I WANTED. BUT Y'ALL WANTED TO SEE A CHALLENGE. NOT A MURDER. AND LAURA LEINER DOESN'T DO SO GOOD IN PRISON." Again a small laughter resounding out, Laura's face underneath the mask contorted a little, as apparently the concept of prison was not new to her. Shaking her head off, she'd continue with her rant, evidently not done. Hell, she was barely even started.

Unfolding the card in her hand she'd swiped from the earlier 'fattie,' nearby cameras would be able to pick up that it was in-fact a fight card Laura had gained, with a list of tonight's matches. Evidently, she'd only bothered to learn what was on before and after her, despite seemingly making preparations to mock the entire event. Eyes rolling down, she'd see what followed the Dasher Challenge.

"Y'AL...Y...what..." The She-Zilla would for a moment put the microphone back to her strap, as she unfolded the fight card with both hands, to take a closer look. She seemed utterly and completely, perplexed. She didn't exactly hide it either, looking to the crowd with mouth-wide, as if she had missed something and needed clarification.

"Jesus...christ..." Raising her non-microphone carrying hand, Laura would show something of a religious sign as she motioned the cross with her hands.

"IS...THAT...A GODDAMN...MINOTAUR..." The universal laughter among the crowd a shade higher, it would of been rightfully impossible to comprehend that Laura actually believed the man she saw in the image before her to be actually half bull. Alas, she did.

"WHAT KIND OF MONKEYS IN SUITS HAVE THEY GOT UP THERE, FIDDLING WITH THE SWITCHES, PULLING LEVERS AND MAKING GREEK ANIMALS COME DOWN HERE AND FIGHT. I EVEN SEE YOU GOT THREE TITLES ON THE LINE AND NONE OF THEM FOR THE BIG BAD, BOOTY MOMMA?" Apparently not at all pleased at not only the fact she had been defied from fighting a piece of greek mythology let alone having a shot at a Tension title, Laura would take the card to either hand before tearing it up. Although, perhaps she should of bothered to memorise what came next on the card, given she was still not done. She knew vaguely what was on in the following matches, but barely who was in them, and for what title.

Albeit, she did somehow specifically remember one more match perfectly.

"I CAN MAYBE. JUST MAYYYYBE LET ALL THIS GO. ALL OF IT, I SWEAR. IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE LAURA LEINER PLAY SECOND FIDDLE TO ONE SET OF WOMEN. WELL, 'WOMEN.'" Motioning with her fingers as if to imply the ones she spoke of weren't real women, Laura seemed to be suggesting towards a particular smother match up on the card later. With a smile to her mouth as she paced the ring after a millisecond break from speaking, it seemed Laura was about to deride this duo especially.

That was, unless anyone stopped her.

Since she’d arrived in the arena tonight, Mariko Ishii had minded her own business, and focused solely on preparing for her match tonight with Kozue. She’d gone straight to the locker room to change into her gear, paying no attention to anyone or anything around her. She didn’t talk to anyone else about their own matches, though she had seen the rest of the card and figured a good chunk of it was going to be pretty great. She also knew that before any of those matches kicked off, a woman she wasn’t familiar with was going to be given some time to speak. Probably just another newbie coming out promising to take the league by storm and “put the locker room on notice,” all that fun stuff. Chances were it wouldn’t have anything to do with Mariko, so again she gave it no thought… Initially, at least.

A TV in the locker room was broadcasting the show, and just as the violet haired beauty pulled her boots on, she noticed the rant being spewed by Laura was hardly what Mariko expected. It started out cute enough, but this woman wasn’t just complaining about tonight’s show - she was going through each match and slandering the people in them. She’d only just started, but she’d get to Mariko and Kozue eventually. Most other nights, she probably would’ve just laughed and turned the other cheek. But tonight, she didn’t particularly feel like letting it slide.

She got up and strode through the backstage area, found herself a mic, and the sound guy just barely saw her coming in time to start playing her music before she walked out through the curtain. She couldn’t help but grin ever so slightly at the warm welcome the crowd gave her with their applause, but she kept her gaze on the large musclehead in the ring. Sure enough, she’d arrived just in time to hear Laura start ripping on her and Kozue. She was curious to find out if the “Big Bad Booty Mama” was bold enough to say it straight to her face.

“Oh, don’t stop on my account. Please, continue…” she said into her mic, then waited to see what Laura would do.

'A show' was definitely a apt description of what Laura was doing. Her words were humorous, but carried no substance. It was easy to run your mouth when you were gifted with both height, alongside a earned physique, yet hadn't even demonstrated your wrestling ability yet.

Preparing to continue her rant, Laura's face would turn to the ramp as she heard unfamiliar entrance music hit. Not that the description 'unfamiliar entrance' music wouldn't apply to near enough every single theme in AFW besides her own to Laura Leiner. Three current champions could of been standing before the She-Zilla, and she honestly wouldn't have had a clue.

Looking a little puzzled at first as this cute figure appeared, quickly voicing words towards the massive woman, Laura would take a step back. Adjusting her attire, she'd seemingly lost her cool simply for being interrupted, which she quickly tried to regain.

"WELL...Hello there..." She'd smirk, shouting at first before her voice went weirdly personal. A feat made all the more weirder given the woman had never spoken in anything less than a shout before.

"And what is your fine ass doing out here lemme ask?" Still grinning, Laura extended a hand to directly gesture at the beauty now on the ramp, much to the audience's laughter; it quickly became apparent that despite clearly running her mouth, or rather preparing to, about Mariko, Laura had no clue what said beauty looked like.

She didn't know Mariko Ishii was now standing right before her.

"Scratch that...why don't you walk that fine body up here into this ring...take a seat down on Laura Leiner's iron lap?" Stepping back, Laura found her words matched by another laugh from the audience weirdly mixed in with wolf whistles. Laura's words were very carefully spoken, to ensure that it would be apparent that if Mariko somehow did do as requested, it was with her own consent.

She didn't want another appearance in court.

Mariko couldn’t help but giggle slightly when she noticed Laura’s voice suddenly go from a loud shout to an actual, conversational tone. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to see that this muscle head hadn’t expected anyone to confront her for anything she was saying. But now that the little surprise had been sprung, even more interesting would be how the she-zilla handled it.

To her credit, Laura didn’t completely buckle. She even “invited” Mariko down to the ring. The way she phrased it, the violet haired vixen had a feeling Laura didn’t know who she was. Nonetheless, she took the offer and started to walk down the aisle toward the ring. As usual, with each step she gave her hips just a little extra shake. Nothing over the top. That was about the extent of the attention the crowd would be getting from her right now, but she had a feeling they wouldn’t mind too much.

“I don’t believe we’ve had the chance to meet yet. I’m Mariko Ishii,” she said while she walked, bringing herself to ringside. “I know that last little thing you said was about me and my opponent tonight. And…” Continuing as she moved, she climbed up onto the apron and looked Laura right in the eye. “I would just love if you could elaborate on what exactly you’re trying to say.”

And with that she stepped through the ropes and into the ring, wanting to be right up close to see Laura’s reaction.

Mariko Ishii.

The name ringed a bell in the thick skull of the Genetic Freak, which was weird considering the woman could likely not give you the name of a contender within the AFW squared circle. Not a accurate one anyway.

Had her mask not being obscuring her eyes from Mariko up until a short distance, the violet haired beauty would of very obviously been able to see Laura's eyes oogling her even more so than the men close to her as she descended the ramp. Laura soon stepped back, slowly though as to not appear intimidated, as the beauty made her closer and closer. It became evident Mariko would be soon joining the giant in the ring, and of course in Laura's mind, it was only for one thing.

To do as she earlier suggested.

As expected of one as dense as Laura, she had little interest in hearing what the beauty was saying. She heard words that suggested Laura unknowningly insulted the woman before her and her opponent tonight, but as ever, put her own agenda ahead of it. And of course, returned to her fierce tone from earlier.

"NOW JUST ONE SECOND PURPLE. I'M SURE EVERYONE HEAR TONIGHT WANTS TO HEAR THOSE SWEET LIPS OF YOURS MOVE ALL NIGHT. THEY JUST WANNA SEE SOMETHING ON THE OTHER END OF THEM."

Flexing her arm, the crowd seemed to be in uproar over how ridiculous the She-Zilla sounded. It didn't register with Laura. Right now, they were cheering for her. She couldn't comprehend otherwise.

"SO WHY DON'T YOU...AND I...HAVE A LITTLE SHOWDOWN OF OUR OWN. AS IN...YOU SHOW ME...WHAT'S DOWN THERE."

For reasons obvious, no one had to guess where Laura's previously flexed arm was now pointing.

It wouldn't be fair to say Mariko felt like she was talking to a brick wall. The wall would've been much more quiet.

Mariko cocked a brow and listened to Laura's ridiculous rambling. At first it seemed like she was dodging what Mariko had said. But then the truth became more and more clear: This woman still had no clue that Mariko was the ver person she'd just talked about barely a minute ago.

Laura's suggestion was every bit as ridiculous as everything else she'd said tonight, and it made Mariko roll her eyes...right before balling her right hand into a tight fist and hurling it straight at the bridge of the larger woman's nose as hard as she could!

Maybe that would finally get the She-Zilla to close her mouth. It almost seemed like wishful thinking at this point, but it was damn well worth a try.