Come into my Parlour...

This guy was so dull.

He was still talking, but Alicia had stopped paying attention at least a minute ago. And she wasn’t even really trying to hide it. Patience hadn’t ever been her strong suit and – right now – the big redhead was bored and on the verge of tipping over into being dangerously bored.

She was on a date. Though, to be fair, that wasn’t the whole story.

Never a waif and equally unafraid to show off her solid curves, she’d dressed in a tight black t-shirt with ‘Vae Victis’ in blood red splashed across her ample breasts, jean shorts that showed off her thighs, plus calf-length boots. Alicia was firmly of the view that her tautly powerful lower limbs and rear were some of her best features and she wasn’t shy about putting them on display.

They’d ended up in a café somewhere downtown, she didn’t know exactly where. It was pretty nice, she supposed, though she didn’t exactly have a lot to compare it to. It was a café, just one more Japanese than most of the ones she’d known back home, with a different sound and smell to it. She was still fairly new to this town and, to be honest, she hadn’t been exactly building much of a social life so far.

She’d had more important things to do. Like, this was the first time she’d lived abroad and it wasn’t like she’d just headed to Europe. She was on the other side of the world from home, pretty much everything was different and she kept feeling she’d managed to make an absolute fool of herself most days one way or another. Anything to do with the wrestling or training for it, Alicia felt she had a handle on.

Some of the rest of it, not so much, and she’d decided she needed a way to let off some steam.

And that, via a dating website and some swapped emails, was how she’d ended up here, sat opposite a Japanese-Russian guy named Dmitri, nursing her coffee (because she was far too picky about her tea to risk it) and wondering if he could get any duller. Or if he’d always been the conversational equivalent of watching paint dry.

The big question, in her head, was whether he’d be worth her time. Whether she’d be inviting him back to her apartment for that stress relief she’d actually been looking for.

”So you said you’re in Tension,” She prompted, hoping to stave off death via boredom, ”Seems a weird career move for an accountant.”

This was going well.

No, really, Dmitri thought he’d been doing okay so far on this date.

He’d come out looking good today, wearing his jeans and his black and red Tapout shirt - he thought he looked good in that, showed off his body decently enough, wasn’t too stiff. From what his sister, Ryoko, told him, that was his main problem with these sort of things, that he came off like an old Dad instead of being a 25 year old man in his prime. He had to look hip. He had to be cool. He'd even gone with the contacts instead of his usual glasses.

He’d done everything right to this point. Chatted with her a bit online, saw if there was some chemistry. Set things up in a nice, neutral, inoffensive sort of place that served good coffee and food. Made sure to come at a time of day when there’d be enough people to make it feel lively and not enough to make it feel crowded. Ryoko had suggested a few topics for him to go through, things to keep her engaged.

So far, it didn’t seem to really be working. In fact, Alicia seemed like she was about to pass out.

But she was still here, so that was something of a victory, right? He could improve on the situation. She cared enough to ask a question, she had to be at least somewhat vested in this.

”Oh, yeah, Tension.” He lightened up and tapped the side of his cup, making waves in his ginger ale. ”On and off for the past year or so. Won a few matches, lost a few.” More accurately, he lost two matches and won one. No need to get too specific. Especially considering how he’d lost. ”It was just a thing to make a little money after I got fired from my job. Was going to go full time, but I managed to get hired again. But I stayed on - I figured, you know, I had some good success with Tae Kwon Do, won a few championships, did well there, and the AFW pays pretty good. So it’s a way for me to bring in extra income, now.”

He nodded with a slight smile, figuring that was a good way to put it. Make him seem financially stable, bring up his good record with Tae Kwon Do, highlight his attributes. Had to earn him a couple of points. ”And you’re in Friction, right? I got really addicted to that show last Summer. Kind of drifted off, but want to get back into it.” He started to reach for his bagel, but stopped midway when a realization dawned on him. ”I mean, I just watched it for the competitive matches. Not, you know...the other stuff.”

Well, that was promising. Admittedly, Alicia’d kept some hope from when she met him for the first time. He’d had the right build, slim but with definite muscle – she’d never really had much interest in meathead bodybuilders, except for the fun she’d got from undercutting their delusions of adequacy. Dmitri had a little hint of exoticism to his looks and wasn’t hard on the eyes to boot, all points in his favour by any standards. While she wasn’t convinced he had the personality of a fighter, given how he’d been so far, but he definitely had the body of someone into the martial arts.

Nice arms too.

And then he’d gone and spoiled it all by being duller than dishwater but he was starting to claw back a few of those lost points, even if he’d nearly spoiled it by implying it was all about money. That was a mindset Alicia just didn’t get. Certainly, he wasn’t going to impress her that way.

Taekwondo though? That was a bit of a coincidence. Alicia wasn’t massively into Tension yet, given she was still trying to make sure she knew everyone she needed to know about at Friction, but somehow she doubted there were all that many kickers among the male fighters. Most guys, in her experience in martial arts, who specialised like that went for boxing. More manly or something, she guessed. But that was another point in his favour.

Particularly if he’d done that well with it. She hadn’t taken the time to look up his record, something she was regretting now because it’d have been very interesting to see some of his matches and what she ought to be expecting here. But mostly, Alicia was just looking forward to making him squirm at this point. And beg.

There’d definitely be begging.

”It was MMA and kickboxing for me,” She explained, ”Which is how I got these legs.” One hand lightly tapped a thigh. But I was looking for something more fun, less… constrictive, I guess. So far, it’s definitely been that.”

Now that the conversation was on her chief interest, there was a bit more liveliness to the redhead’s conversation, a glint of life returning to her purple eyes.

”I don’t think I’d be able to stand some desk job. It’d drive me bats after a week, tops.”

Dmitri took a little sigh of relief as Alicia lightened up. Only a little. After all, he was hardly out if the woods yet. Still in the thick of it. But he was starting to see the light through the trees, and there was a path in sight.

Common ground. Common ground was good.

He leaned to the side and got a better look at her legs. He'd stolen a quick peek at them when she's first walked in - not because his eye was all the prone to wander, but becuase they were such a prominent feature on her. Even more so now that he could get a better look at them. Long, muscular, ripped all the way down. As a practitioner in a martial art that specialized in kicks, he'd seen some well built legs and he could confidently say hers were among the finest.

Strictly from a professional standpoint. Of course.

”Oh, yeah, I get that totally. I mean, I’ve never done the MMA thing, or...UFC? Is that the proper thing to call it?”

Nibble, nibble, nibble.

”Like I said, I did tournaments, I was a part of them. Never got as rough as what you’re used to. Mostly go for points. But I was good at it.”

Nibble, nibble, nibble.

”Working the desk, it isn’t that bad. I’m good with numbers.” He tapped his skull. ”I can do all this math in my head. 345 times 1,099 equals 379,155, 853 divided by 63 equals...13.63, got it.” He chuckled a bit and finished off the bagel, doing his best to hide the blush. ”So I’m good at kicking things and I’m kind of a human calculator. So there’s all that going for me.”

God, he hoped this sounded as interesting to her as he thought it did.

He really thought that was interesting.

That was – well, Alicia’s stockpiles of empathy weren’t really high enough to call it ‘sad’ with a straight face, because that implied she felt sorry for him, but it was a long, long way from interesting. Actually, it was right back to dull as dishwater, particularly with him trying to tell her that a desk job wasn’t too bad.

Well, sure, it was kind of impressive in a way. She supposed. She certainly couldn’t have done that in her head that quickly if she’d been able to do it at all. Maths hadn’t ever been Alicia’s strong suit at school. But as something to boast about on a first date? She could seriously see why Dmitri needed to use a dating site if ‘human calculator’ was his big idea of how to impress a girl.

And had that been a blush?

Wow. She was going to have so much fun with this guy. He was perfect and asking for it into the bargain.

”Tournaments sound boring,” The redhead offered, punctuated with a gulp of coffee, with a roll of her eyes, ”Not that my parents let me enter any. But points are definitely boring.”

Like you, she added silently.

Alicia rapped her fist against her breastbone. ”Me, I like KOs. Simple, final – no ifs, buts or takebacks. Scored a lot of them too.” Up until she’d joined Friction, she’d won… most of the fights she’d been in that way and she still loved them but things just hadn’t worked out that way here for whatever reason.

Well, beating Abattoir unconscious might have been satisfying but nowhere near as much as making her tap. And she’d knocked little Gallium out anyway, so that sort of counted. Valley… Well, come their rematch, Alicia fully meant to follow through on her joking promise.

It wouldn’t be tap or nap, just nap – after she’d enjoyed their rematch to the full.

”KO’s?” His eyes perked up a bit at that. ”Like knockouts?”

That was actually an odd thing, at least in Dmitiri’s eyes. While the AFW did allow for matches to ended by knockout, it was a fairly rare thing. Most of the time, matches ended with pins or with submissions...or with gratuitous expulsion of bodily fluids, like in hentai matches.

Not that he watched those.

Hearing Alicia say she specialized in them gave her a unique quality, one he wasn’t sure what to make of. He did know that her thinking tournaments were boring was a strike against him, though. Had to bring that back.

”I guess I can relate.” He couldn’t, really. ”I once knocked a guy out, myself.” That wasn’t entirely true. ”I was during a semi-final. This guy was coming at me fast, going for a front snap kick. I moved back, let it miss, came back in with a side kick and hit him right on the jaw. Took him right out.” For about three seconds. More of a flash knockout, really. But leaving out details wasn’t lying, was it?

Probably best to turn the conversation back to Alicia. Her motioned for the waitress to get him a refill, then looked back her way, sparing another quick glance at her thighs in the process. ”So, what was your record?”

Alicia snickered. She couldn’t help it. He’d got one knockout against one guy in one match, with what sounded like a hell of a lot of luck, and he thought he knew what it was like? Not to mention Alicia might not know he was lying but she didn’t think that’d be a proper knockout – flash knockout, maybe, but it wasn’t like the other guy had run into his foot or something. His momentum would’ve been spent so it’d just be Dmitri’s kicking power…

Well, she supposed it might’ve been. Either way, it was still one time and she was still really not impressed.

”Yeah, like knockouts,” She parroted mockingly, before chuckling again. Dmitri just couldn’t get anything right today, as far as she was concerned.

Dull, boring, presumptuous, way less intriguing than he thought and looking like enough of a challenge to be worth her time.

”I didn’t really keep track, but pretty much all my wins were by KO and I’ve been fighting for over ten years now,” Her tone was breezy, uncaring, because she didn’t really bother keeping track. She’d won way more than she’d lost and she’d given a good accounting of herself in every match she’d ever fought. ”In Friction, I’m three for one so far. It should’ve been four nil, but I got careless. Only two knockouts so far, but I’m going to fix that.”

She gave Dmitri a devastating smirk, interlocking her ankles and stretching her legs out as though she was squeezing someone – she’d seen that glance alright. ”But I’ve scored two bodyscissor submissions. Love those.”

As he was going to find out. Shortly.

Despite appearances, this was not Dmitri’s first date. He had a little experience, here, enough to take her smiling as a good sign. Even if she did seem to be poking fun at him, a tad. He’d take mocking amusement over banal indifference any day.

”Wow, over ten years?” His eyebrows raised. ”That’s impressive.” It actually was. He couldn’t ask her age - not the gentlemanly thing to do - but he recalled her profile saying she was in her early twenties, and she certainly looked the part. That meant she’d been at this since she was, what, eleven? His father hadn’t even let him set foot in a sparring match until he was about fifteen.

He gave her legs another look when she stretched out and flexed, not quite sure what to make of her smirk and the way she was putting herself on display. Was she coming on to him? It didn’t quite feel that way. Maybe she was just showing off. She certainly had a lot to show off with. ”Bodyscissors are interesting. Your legs look like...they’re nice, and you could...”

Dmitri was glad when the waitress came over with his glass, interrupting him before he could dig that hole any deeper. He kindly took the refill and helped himself to more sips, catching Alicia’s bulging thighs from the corner of his eye every now and then. ”I mean, I wouldn’t know. Don’t do much submission wrestling in my style, but I’ve thought about adding some moves in. Maybe I’ll give it a shot the next time I’m in the ring.”

He held up a hand, though. ”I mean, I won’t lie - I’m not the biggest fan of submissions. I understand, it’s wrestling, it’s about combat, but they don’t quite...jive with me? Is ‘jive’ the word?” His eyes searched the ceiling as if the answer was up there, before bringing his focus back to Alicia. ”But it’s good to be well-rounded, right?”

”It was that or I’d just keep beating up the other kids,” Alicia grinned. ”And once they got me in the classes, no way was I leaving.” Not when she’d taken to them as fiercely as she had. The big redhead had always been the athletic type, not to mention the violent type, and she’d never had more fun than the first kickboxing class she’d attended.

Over time, the rules had started to grate a bit and then she’d discovered MMA. Wrestling had been the logical next step for her, a way to earn better money than the MMA circuit paid, only have to worry about half the rules and go up against a way bigger selection both of opponents and fighting styles to push herself still further.

”I could…?” She prompted him afterwards, ignoring his rhetorical question about being well-rounded because obviously it was better to have more than one option to hand. True, Alicia herself was heavily focused around the use of her legs in a fight but she had other options if necessary. Her upper body striking game was still solid and she had plenty of joint locks and chokes she could use with her arms.

And actually that was useful to know. He was just a striker. One more weakness on the list.

”Plus I’ve got to ask. Just ‘nice’?”

Now she was just being mean. But he could do a hell of a lot better than nice when it came to describing her legs. Though Alicia did like the way he’d stuttered and completely lost it along that line of thought. That was definitely something they’d have to come back to later.

Crud, he was getting into quicksand now, wasn’t he? He liked that Alicia was enjoying herself, that was an improvement, but he would’ve preferred it not to be at his expense. Nobody wants to be the mouse in a cat-and-mouse game.

”I mean, you could, I guess, really squeeze someone hard with them. They look very…” Sinewy? Too fancy. Fulsome? Too close to implying she was fat. Sexy? True, but too sexual. First date. Keep it simple. ”Solid. I can tell you’ve put a lot of work into them, so that’s good. Amazing, really.”

Of course it was good. Why wouldn’t it be good?

The talk about her beating up other kids was a little worrying, but he decided to not think hard on it. Kids were kids. Alicia was an adult. She’d probably grown out of that a long time ago.

He hoped so, anyway. He couldn’t shake the feeling that some traces of it still remained, from the way this conversation was going. ”They’re great, though, really. Maybe we could work out together, sometime?” He nodded, hoping it wasn’t too bold to suggest a second meeting when the first wasn’t complete. “You could show me how you train, how you got them so honed. So strong.”